Pro

I asked my TL if they have a report here showing the call arrival pattern daily per interval with 7 days worth of data. He looked around the folders and then went to my station. He worked on an excel sheet for 5 minutes and ended up giving me a summary of the information for the entire month of February, a pivot table with all the info I need and a graph for the call pattern. And all I did was ask if we have any information...tsk, tsk!

3 Years Is A Long Time

*** Part 2

I became an RTA with no clear understanding of what life would be after. I came in the day of the launch, Richard asked me to take a seat behind the CMS and I stayed there for 16 hours straight with no breaks. I didn't even had the time to pee. The following days were a nightmare. No sleep, unending work and long hours. What was I thinking? Hahaha~

One unexpected thing happened though. I met new friends. Huggy became one of my most loved agents there. From the moment he asked for my number claiming we have a common friend named Ronald McDonald to that time when he brought a jarful of M&M with peanuts because I said I don't like Nips and would rather have M&Ms.

The team also became a tight group. Me, Jane, Orange, Pao, Mami Sha and Art. We'd slave for hours and extend unendingly but would always end up with a smile because we were able to find something good to look forward to the following day. Though I was still heartbroken at that time, my days and my nights got so busy I don't have time to remember I was whining over someone. That helped a lot. Really. And the promotion came in the most opportune time.

3 months into production they hired a new RTA. He was to be my partner since I was the only RTA in the afternoon. On my rest days Pao and Mami would have to extend or come in early to cover for me. It was tiring. They told me Boss wanted to hire Carol Silang then. I was not too sure I wanted her. She was way too noisy and boisterous for my silent self. I thought I won't like the shift with her beside me. Good thing Art and Richard convinced boss to take a guy instead. When they told me they hired someone from AT&T I got excited. His name didn't sound familiar though, but his girlfriend's name does.

BJ was brought in a week before Valentines 2005. Then, Pao and I were telling him to be careful because of the RTA curse. Everyone with a long standing relationship tends to end up in splitsville the moment they become RTAs. It happened to me and Pao.

I met him on a Wednesday. Thursday that week he came to me and said he's got the curse. He hugged me like old friends (I was a bit ilang pa cos I'm not too touchy feely with new acquaintances). The following week, something happened and he ended up soaking my shirt with his tears. That was the start of our friendship. An emotionally draining one. BJ became my partner in so many ways. He made work worthwhile and became someone who's constantly there for me. Soon after him, several others followed.

The early days were spent drinking with BJ and Paopao at nineteen20. We'd talk about how hard it is to pick up the pieces after a break up. We became a tight band of broken hearted souls.

One time, BJ was at the yosi area chatting with May. I've known her since AT&T as she'd always talk to Carme during breaks. They talked about BJ's very rocky relationship then and ended up being really good friends. She started to hang out more with us at our station. One day our agent, Randy, told me he'd be out with May and another agent Paolo Joaquin for the night. I said I can't come since I'm gonna meet my High School friends. That got canceled though. At 11PM when I went off the building they literally kidnapped me. They hauled me inside the car and dragged me to Morato!

That became a weekly thing for us until Paolo J. was replaced by BJ and Morato became Tagaytay. With them I learned to drink again, I learned how to pass out elegantly, how to throw up mindlessly in a hotel room in the middle of nowhere, drag myself to the restroom, crawl in the middle of the night with a throbbing head, sing like a diva, dance like Madonna and have fun like it's the last day of my life. I picked up where I left when I suddenly decided to be an adult. I remembered how nice it was to be uncaring and young.

At the same time this was happening I tried to get back with my college barkada. After shift I'd be a regular tambay at their apartment near UP. We'd stay until the wee hours of the morning. We'd work on their thesis, we'd play games (Riders on the Storm was their theme!), horse around and get drunk. I was ecstatic to have them back after my self imposed solitude when I started to work. I started to feel really good about myself again.

My love life also picked up about the same time. After a year and a half of constantly bugging me to go out with him, I finally went out with Patrick. I was, after all, finally single. In the following months, his red hatchback would a staple in front of the ELJ Building every 2AM-4AM. That's when his shift would end at Epix and he'd head to see me afterwards. I'd go tell BJ I'd take a break and he'd let me go. He knows I'm gonna meet some guy downstairs whenever I tell him I'm taking a break. Hahaha~ He knows I don't take breaks.

Life then became a mixture of eclectic sweetness. I have my work, my UP friends, my RMH buddies and Patrick. I'd head to work at 2 in the afternoon, spend the next 9-12 hours with BJ and May, Randy, Rei, Jodi, Angelo and everyone else that matters. After shift I'd head to the apartment, talk like crazy and just have clean fun with Randell, Janrey, Mak etc and head home at 6AM. Sleep until lunch and head back to work. In between I get to see Pat and maybe also head out with the RMH people. It was a fun life. And the months flew by like nothing happened.

It was also a crazy time. Randell and Agnes became an item after we "forced" them to kiss each other one night. Patrick got together with Dianne and I decided to disappear when Cecille came into the picture once more. May started an illicit relationship with an attached guy. BJ got his ex pregnant and slept with Rei who also got pregnant (but BJ denies it's his). May got mad at Rei. Randy and Rei were convinced May's got something for BJ that's more than friendship. Randy kissed me and said he's fallen for me but we decided to let it pass. Huggy resigned. Mon was hired as RTA. Jane and Pao became an item. I had an ongoing spat with Orange...AND ABOUT 10,000 other things happened the best probably was that I finally patched things up with Glenn. I made a promise that he'd always be a friend and finally, I was able to deliver.

By the end of Summer 2005 I was tired.

I saw how it was like. I saw things differently by then. And I was ready to slowdown again.

Things after that was pretty monotonous. BJ and I got transferred as GY RTAs. I'd head home early after work since thesis period was done and no one's hanging around the thesis house anymore. And I met a new set of people from P*yups that Ladit introduced to me. Things were slower with them. Coffee dates. Dinner. Hanging out at Elbow room. Merienda at UP. Isaw afternoons. And the same happened to work. It was not as hectic as before since BJ and I have learned the tricks of the trade. We're like a well oiled machine. We worked so effectively we don't even have to render overtime like the other RTAs. Patrick at this time was a casual thing. Sometimes there, sometimes not. After months of havng to explain to Darvin and Lester (and all the tambays at the yosi area) who owns the red car that speeds by after dropping me off in the middle of the night, it just stopped appearing on our driveway. No more rendezvous in the middle of the night. And no more drunken moments and dreaming stupor to worry about. I was grounded and I was surefooted.

By December that year, they announced that Gerber's leaving the company and they need to hire a new scheduler. The post was offered to me. They said they wanted me to consider before they open the position to the everyone. I was hesitant. Art though talked me into it. Better to be a well rounded workforce personnel he said. I accepted the post and I was able to welcome this new job together with my 24th birthday. I held my birthday at McDonald's and had a kiddie princess party. I thought, I won't be young forever and I could definitely go insane now. The UP guys were there, the p*yups peeps were there, the RTAs, May, Carme, Randy, Hernan and a very pregnant Rei.

Just like with everything that's new I was staggering a lot at first. The only thing that kept me going was my team. By then the workforce team has grown so close we really felt like a family. Though I was happy there, finances became a problem. My aunt stopped supporting my family. With a set of jobless parents and siblings starting college, I felt it was my responsibility to help. I started to look for another job. Unfortuntely, Paul got to it even before I can. I decided not to pursue any of them. I'd rather stay than leave and have someone report to him everything that I've been doing. It doesn't seem right.

As my confidence with my job grew, my life once again turned into a monotonous case. So the moment Patrick knocked on my door, I welcomed him immediately. By then he already left Epix and was hired to start up another center. I became a fixed figure at Eastwood as I'd spend breakfast with the p*yups gang and I'd spend the night with him while waiting for my shift to start. Of course, something happened. And in between the coffee dates that I'd have with Yuri, Abel and Aian I was crying again.

Summer was spent healing myself. I was resolved to get everything back on track. At this point, all I wanted was to go back to the year before. Where summer was all fun and laughter. I want to cruise around the metro without having to worry about anything. But it didn't happen. My group has now disbanded. Rei transferred to Sykes, Randy's with Ambergris, Jodi and Angelo left, May was spending time with iska and Ian more, BJ was with Tinay and Mishka was taking the rest of his time too. Booie stopped showing up. Aian transferred work from Eastwood to Makati. Abel transferred work too. Patrick was giving me all the attention I need. And old friends at RMH left even before I was able to say goodbye.

After summer, Pat and I were able to pick up where we left. And just like before, just when were starting, things got really nasty. Cecille became an ally. Sad part was, though they've been through more than what I had with him, it still hurts that he denied he had anything to do with me. It was hard enough being the "other" woman in everyone's eyes, it's harder when you're denied of even such a horrible title.

At the same time, work became more and more frustrating. The amount of work was not, in any way, equivalent to the perks we're getting. Final blow was when we learned Paul was leaving. We all wanted out.

By this time, Hernan and Penny became an almost permanent fixture in my life. Hernan and I would slowly dissect my disastrous history with men and Penny and I would rant endless about work. Not long after we've formed a tight group who lives on coffee alone. hahaha~ Anything's bearable as long as you have friends to talk to and the right amount of caffeine to induce the happy hormones.

The next few months was a steady fall from then on. One by one I was losing everything. The team was slowly becoming non-existent. The only reason why I decided to hold on was by now an almost indistinct memory. I tried to get by with what I have. I tried to be as effective as I can be with work.

Then my Dad had a heart attack. I never felt more numb. For days I was not feeling anything. The emotions were constrained in my head, but my heart can't feel anything. How would you feel if you had to go through all those things? Daily I woke up feeling like all I want was go back to sleep and forget my sad reality. Work was a mess, school's a mess, my finances' a mess, my personal life's a mess...I was ready to just give up. I didn't know there were more things to come though. And that was the final blow.

I started to lose respect for the people I'm working with. I don't think I'm working for the right team and the right side anymore. I decided it's time to move on. Fate is tempting me and all I have to do is jump. I no longer have the team to worry about, I'm in dire need of an extra income, and my boss is a big bitch. What else is left consider?

Fate helped me recover from the feeling of lost fast. I got 3 offers in no time...and now I'm officially out, starting a new thing which would hopefully be better than I've expected. There would never be another RMH but there would always be another chance for something new.

3 years is a long time. It might not seem much from someone else's perspective, we all know some people stay with other companies their entire life...I guess, for me, 3 years just ain't the number of years and days I spent with a company. 3 years means having to meet a million people and having to say goodbye to almost all of them. 3 years means having to learn to cope up with losing friends and gaining enemies. 3 years means having to go through 2 heartbreaks and thousands of caring smiles. 3 years is a long time really.

3 years is a long time.

Just A Moment

The fact that I still feel something that resembles longing is a good sign. Sometimes I get scared because it feels like I've lost all capability to want and need anyone emotionally.

Lately, I'd have to be honest, I've been missing someone more often than I'd like to care. The outpouring of livid thoughts and the uncanny capacity of my emotions to trick me is quite overwhelming in the sense that I know I might not be as resistant as I thought I was.

He's coming back in so many ways. The possibility of faltering is unending. What's good though is that this time, I know he's not coming back. And that's the kind of assurance I need right now.

25 and Going

I just read a friend's blog. Well, I doubt if she'd consider me a friend but the fact that I know she lets me read on about her life without telling me off says she's open to me being a silent observer in her life. I've known her throughout college, we never really got to hang out or be barkada but she'd always have a ready smile for me whenever we see each other in UP.

Her Dad passed away last December, a week shy of Christmas, if I remember her entries right. And now, I just learned her mom died too, last Valentines. At 25 she's left with no parent, a younger sister and a houseful of memories. I can't help but cry with the thought. How does she do it?

I really don't know how to offer my help. I don't even know if they'd want it. One thing though, please pray for her and her sister. Please include a simple prayer to all the people who has nothing and everything to look forward to.

Daily Random

I went back to NCO this morning after my shift. I got to talk to Rhodora about my resignation. She said she'd be the one to talk to me on my exit interview. I told her to allot about 3 hours just for that since I've a lot to tell.

After that I finally got to drag my feet to the gym. Treadmill galore lang.

Then I went off to SM to look for the perfect comfy footwear. I realized I can't keep commuting on my stilettos. I don't wanna all off the MRT station and die one day. Hahaha~ Gross! So I got myself some cute footwear. Ibabaon ko nalang stilts ko. Akala niyo hinde ko na isusuot? Hinde a.

I also got myself a new bracelet for my charms and a new cat charm. I was looking for a stilettos or a handbag but they don't have any on stock. The guy there asked me if I'm into cats and if I have a pet cat. I said I don't like cats and I don't have a pet cat but that someone told me I'm just like a cat before. He said I don't look like one. Of course I had to explain that it's not that I look like one, rather I'm a snob like a cat.

Then I went grocery shopping. Of course I got all the things I want. What amazes me was the fact that I was able to carry all 4 grocery bags, my bag, my new shoes and my gym shoe-bag. It was darn heavy really, I shouldn't have gotten all those bottled things and canned things. I even got myself a giant Nutella, some tuna in can, Campbells Cream of Mushroom, mushrooms in cans and cartons of milk. I always tell myself, never buy milk when I'm alone cos it's just plain hard having to carry everything by myself. I never learn. I never remember. Hernan said I should have a boyfriend by Christmas this year. Last Christmas we went shopping and by 2PM we were so tired of lugging all the gifts we got behind that we literally sat on the floor of the mall. We need a bagger. Hahahaha~ Any interested party may apply at your own risk.

Wrong Turn

For the first time in years I'm stumped with something that I can't understand...Well, it's about work. Y'know WORK. It's not about my personal life. If it's something personal, don't ever think I'd ever got around that. Men can't be deciphered.

Anyways, I'm trying to unlearn everything I know and develop a new way of thinking. Everything's different now. I don't think percentages or call pattern and volume. I think butt to seat and headcount. Hard numbers with corresponding personalities. Hahaha~

I was working on the process of changing shifts. After 3 days I gave up. I looked at my boss and told him, "I give up, I can't do anything anymore. Give me something else."

He said, "If there's nothing you can do then there's nothing." And went on to give me another task.

I haven't even met the entire team, I haven't even learned the entire process, I don't even know how to run the lines. All they're asking me is to look at the schedules and come up with a process. Darn. I feel so inadequate.

Hopefully after my weekend, I'd feel more refreshed and would be able to think more effectively and come up with solutions that would blow them all away. (I know for a fact that I can blow them away in a different way...but I don't think they'd like that).

Everyone went home early, including Paul. I only have Ron, my RTA who's in charge of my account's reports and one RTA downstairs whose name I forgot (basta daddy dating niya and he used to work for the government as a statistician and this is his first call center job). And since no one's around and Timmy can't join me for dinner, I asked Rei to drop by since she's just at Sykes OSMA. I treated her ar Jobee and played catch up. It'll be KDs birthday soon.

I have to buy a really good book later before heading home. I need a good read this weekend. No gimiks. Texted the guys, Mikey's busy, Sir Nonoy have this out of town thing and Randell never replied (as if marunong siya magreply). Ryan and I decided to just resched everything back to March 17.

I also have to buy a new pair of shoes. My 3 inch heels would one day send me to the grave. I can't commute with 'em everyday. Hey! I've been riding the MRT for 5 days now. Wehehehe~

Wee, I love my 21" LCD screen monitor and my optical mouse...at work...that is. Sosy!

Saying Bye Again

I went back to RMH after a week. It feels alien to me all of a sudden but it also feels comforting to know I'm in my element. No awkward stares, no guards challenging my presence, no frowns from management while trying to figure out who I am and no one calling me Hannah~! Hahahaha~

However nice and warm it made me feel, I also felt a valediction that my decision to leave was my only option. I don't belong there anymore. Though I'd always have fond memories and I'd always, always tell my RMH stories, I've outgrown the corral that I've called home for more than three years. It was time to move on. And there's no better time than now.

On the other side of my overactive mind, I just bought a set of mineral make-up from Everyday Minerals which will be shipped here by international courier. When I computed for the postal shipping it ain't bad really, $10 is equivalent to me getting a round trip cab ride to Glorietta for a day of shopping. So no biggie, plus the fact I won't get harassed or lost. Hahaha~ Convenient really.

Then there's work...Hay...Can't say anything other than I can't wait for the weekend. I'm not burned out with my new job, I just got awfully tired because I never had the chance to rest in between jobs. Heck, they were overlapping!

Me go back to RMH tomorrow. Will head to gym as well. Sana lang magkalakas ako, it's 11am and I should be up by 5.30pm. Nice.

So Far, So Good

Three days and I'm doing okay. I'm not jumping with joy but I don't feel bad as well. I don't feel the blood rushing to my temples on an hourly basis.

Sometimes you do something and you look back and you want to give youself a big twak in the head for ever thinking you could pull that off. I'm in that moment now. I'd have to be honest though, I appreciate the fact that life actually forced me to do something I won't normally do. In the end, though with a big bump on the head, you'd be thankful you were able to get somewhere.

I still look at myself sometimes, thinking things could be much better if only...then I'd catch myself. Cos at the same time, things could be a lot worse.

I'm still looking for my place under the purple sky...and as Rsii said, maybe I should find that person who'd happily have coffee with me though Starbucks is a long walk away.

Sleep

I dunno why I can't sleep. I came home early. Went on chat with Penny. Slept around 8am. By lunch I was up already. I tried sleeping again but I've been motionless in bed for an hour before I decided however sleepy I might be I just can't sleep.

Anxiety?

Hay~!

Intro

I'm tired.

26 hours.

5 hours in a meeting.

4 different LOBs.

1 Deputy Manager. 2 Operations Manager. 1 QA Manager. 1 Training Manager. 1 Workforce Manager. 1 Workforce Assistant Manager. 7 Real Time Analyst. 4 Guards. 300 agents.

First day. One night.

I'm tired.

Random Rants

Maynilad is still drilling our street. I still couldn't sleep. As a matter of fact, I'm heading to work in an hour and a half and I haven't had any sleep. What a way to start my new life in my new job!?

Last night I was watching the Wedding Crashers when I remembered I was supposed to be at the gym by 6AM. I threatened to kill Glenn if he shows up late so I hurriedly went to bed and prayed for sleep. I woke up around 4AM, way ahead of my alarm. I had breakfast, took my shower, packed everything and went off. Took me almost an hour to land a cab. It was still dark when I left, I got a cab and the sun was up. Ugh. And I was late. Hay. I was supposed to really treat him to breakfast na sana since I was late but cash is hard to come by at the moment since, again, next pay would be March 15th pa. I hate not having cash.

So I've been up since 4AM, by en of my shift tomorrow morning I'd be up for 26 hours. I doubt if I could function tonight. Really. Right now I can't even feel my ears anymore. I just hope I won't faint or something. That'll be like RMH all over again. Hahaha~

Aian texted me that his coming home from Singapore was all in vain. He told me about this girl that he really liked and was hoping to take the relationship a step further this week. He arrived last 15th. On the 14th, the girl supposedly got mad at him and said that she was disappointed at him for not sending her flowers. She also said that all her friends and even her mom was disappointed. And when I heard that it took all my self restrain to prevent myself from telling Aian how stupid he is. Ok, so I know he might read this. Bahala na si batman. But really, if someone who's not even your gf, or MU, can tell you she's disappointed at you what else could you expect when you're already together? And now this? So what's the point? Basted pa rin pala e, and don't she use the flowers as a reason. Then I texted Aian back that next time maybe he should take things slow. Guess what, he said it's easier said than done and thanks and goodbye. Whack!? Ok. Maybe I'm way too hard. I told ya, I could be just too honest sometimes. I just thought people can handle to hear the truth. Maybe like me, they can't...sometimes...

Ok, so Kait just reacted to my Usher and Britney post. Really? Usher's a sex maniac? Ohhhh, I might just like him even more. Joke~! Wahahaha~

I dunno why but Dylan suddenly popped in my head while in bed kanina. I remembered him saying, "Ako ang nagpakahirap, iba ang umani" in reference to his ex, my blockmate. Then I realized I totally understand him. Same happened with me and Glenn. It's like a puppy. You get the puppy, it poops everywhere, it pees on your shoes and it chews your things and just about ruins everything then you train it. By the time I trained him, he was snatched by another owner. Galeng talaga ng buhay minsan.

So why did that came up? Well, I told him his mom sent me message over YM. She congratulated me and wished me luck on my new job. Then she went on to say something like, she hopes I could find the man for me since "minalas" kame ni Glenn. Pramis. Naloka ako. I mean, all the hirits of the RTAs, Rex, Blar or whomever I can laugh them all off. This time though I was speechless. Astig talaga mommy mo! Hehehe~! I think Glenda might read this, baka isumbong ako. Hahaha~

It's 6.15PM. Gotta get ready. Ohhhh, I really pray I don't sick the entire night or at the very least I don't pass out or something as humiliating as that.

Could It Be

Hernan said I am but I never really thought it was a possibility. Then I saw this...

Women who can’t commit?!

By Elina Furman

For years, it was the men who had the monopoly on commitment-phobia. But what about commitment-phobic women? Yes, women! Raised to believe that men are the commitment-shy gender, many women coast through life completely oblivious about their own commitment anxiety—believing they want a relationship yet systematically pushing away one perfectly suitable candidate after another. Isn’t it high time we looked at ourselves and admit that maybe, just maybe, we are the ones who have become commitment-challenged? If you’re ready to finally face the truth, go down the list of these common symptoms and see if any apply.

• Once the excitement of first romance has passed, you get bored in most of your relationships.
• You have a habit of dating unavailable men (married, involved with someone else, geographically or emotionally distant, etc.).
• You have a long and elaborate list of requirements for your ideal mate.
• You consider your married friends’ relationships boring and feel that many of them have settled for too little.
• You cultivate larger networks of friends and acquaintances at the expense of romantic relationships.
• You date more than one man at a time to prevent becoming dependent.
• You have a difficult time getting over past boyfriends.

Check the second, third, fourth, fifth and seventh and you have me! Darn, darn, darn.

Check the entire story here.

And BTW, wish me luck tonight. First day on a new job. Yipee~

Nothing

Sayang hinde ako nakapunta ng UP fair last Saturday night. Drew sent me the pics though. Look at this. Amazing shot.

One thing's for sure, I can't understand Britney!

And second, I still want a man with the patience of a saint and who can dance like Usher. He's so darn hot here. Can I be Beyonce? Hahaha~

3 Years Is A Long Time

***PART 1
This is a very long entry that you really don't need to read.


More than 3 years ago I took a step inside ELJ Building for the first time. All I wanted at that time was to be able to be with Glenn again since my stint in ICT was putting a lot of strain in our almost 2 year relationship. Of course, I never told him that, now you know.

I felt that the pressure then would be somehow relieved if we'd get to spend time together. The fights were just too taxing then. It was affecting my job. And you know that when that happens people would start to ask questions. Being too private, I decided to turn my back from ICT and the friends that I made there. Though Mayne and Darwin tried to convinced me, I knew I had to do this for the relationship. Even when Patrick called me a liar and coward then.

Wearing my shirt and shorts and tsinelas, I went in to pass my resume. Glenn has already passed the screening weeks before. When the girl who took my resume saw I had previous experience, she asked if I want to wait and be interviewed that same day. I said I'm not prepared and I'm not wearing appropriate clothes. She said it's ok and that I could wait inside. I did. It was 10am. I went through 2 interviews, 3 exams and one last panel interview. After 10 hours, at around 8pm, 3 of us were left behind. By that time I was so hungry and tired all I want was head home. Glenn was good enough to wait for me, outside, with no seats while it was raining. You just don't know how I appreciate that as I look back now.

I rendered my 15 day notice at ICT and I gave them the most gregarious lies that I could come up just so they would stop bugging me to stay. When I learned I was to be part of Batch 1 of their Customer Care account, I got excited. We all know what that means in the industry. Plus that means I get to be with my then boyfriend.

First day of orientation and I was late. I thought, it can't happen again. It was raining hard and I just couldn't get a bus at MCU (yes, for a time I was a commuter). By the time I got there everyone was staring at me, a roomful of about 50 people. I don't think they'd remember me now. My wet hair and my mud stained pumps. That P50 divisoria umbrella and my tired face. I was 10 minutes late and all I could hear in my head was, "nakakahiya ka!"

That's where we met Adrian.

We were told that our training schedule would be announced at the upcoming Holloween party at Virgin Cafe and that we're all required to come or else we'd never know the schedule. We met up with Adrian then but Glenn got sick on the way and I had to take him home. Good thing Adrian was able to text us all the details and so the following week, training began.

Back then they were still building out the 6th floor. The only place that resembles a workplace would the the 4th floor training rooms which the DA occupies as their mini production area. So the training of over 12o agents and several managers were done at Tektite. That's where we got together with Class Alpha. Surprise, Glenn, Adrian and I are on the same class. Together with John Garcia, Gina Butawan, Ferdie Francisco, Jaypee Pagdanganan, Mariss Ibay, Chie Gomez, Rose Espinosa and about 20 other people we started training. When the training rooms at the 5th floor got built after a week, we transferred there and they introduced us to Ana Rodriguez, our Puerto Rican Trainer.

I tell you, training was a lot of fun. And until now I still use the word "foncused". Hehehe~

December 2003 was a whirlwind of events. The opening of the 6th floor, the graduation, the launch of the account (I remember Miel took the first ever call for Core LD group then).

By then, my personal relationships weren't doing real well. I wasn't in speaking terms with my Dad and sister. My family is still fighting. My boyfriend hates me for being so darn pushy. It might not seem like it but I was pretty pushy then. I guess all the things that I can't say to my Dad, I took out on him. He was patient though. He was not perfect but he learned to channel his frustration somewhere else and not long after he became the favorite of everyone.

As the days go by, I was starting to see how each person I've befriended is really like. I started to really hate my manager then and even several new friends. It was nothing personal really. It just didn't feel right.

The job was gruesome. 90% of your calls would be from irate callers. We felt so pressured. On one hand this our job and we have to do well, on the other hand we felt like we're working for scammers. It just felt wrong. And when I'm in any kind of stress, my body gives out a signal. By January I've had 2 cases of larycopharyngitis and a case of stomatitis (I didn't even know what this was until then). I was absent for a greater part of that month. I was told I can't be absent again...then I had the stomatitis, I'd go to work and wait for them to send me home so it won't be considered an occurrence. One of the OMs was a registered nurse and Erwin said maybe I could wear a mask so I don't need to cover up my mouth all the time. I had so many sores and wounds then that I can't sleep because my entire mouth was hurting. Nevertheless, I came to work at 2am every night for more than a week. They'd send me home and I'd stay in this empty room beside the pantry (which would later become the Ladies Sleeping Quarters) and wait the night out until I can head home and repeat the entire cycle the following day. By then I've become known as the girl who's got SARS. Well, the mask WAS scary. People looked at me as if I'm contagious.

There was a time when I was so sick, I passed out at the locker area. I forgot my pen and a few minutes before login time, I asked Glenn to come with me to get it. Before I could say anything, I was out. I was brought to St. Luke's. Nothing was wrong with me. I'm just stressed. Ewan! I now became the girl who collapsed. Darn!

By then, Peaches, who was my OM asked my Manager to terminate me on grounds of my absenteeism. With this, I countered. I made a letter and pointed that according to the employee handbook, any consecutive absences with a valid medical certificate would only merit one occurrence. Thus I've only 3 occurrences. They let me stay. Erwin talked to me and asked me not to be absent until regularization day. I gave him a promise. That was January 28th and regularization day would be March 22nd.

I came to work as usual. Never late nor absent. There was a time though that I had to take some time off because my lips were healing but sometimes the scabs would crack and my lips would bleed like crazy. There were times when I'm on a call and Apple, my seat mate would just pass me a wad of tissue. That means my lips are bleeding again. That went on for 2 weeks, but I eventually got better.

By first week of March, I was doing really well. My CSAT was always perfect. My adjustments were always perfect. My AHT was 13minutes and that's the only thing that sucked (it's supposed to be 7.5 minutes).

I became the team's golden girl, not because I was a seller (that goes to Anto and Daddy Ricky) but because they can ask me any question about the product, any process, any adjustment code and I'd be able to answer you in no time. The downside about this was the fact that absolutely no one wants to take my sup calls. Point is, if I can't figure it out, then they're useless. I'd call helpdesk and even John Garcia would curse when he gets me because he can't seem to answer my questions. There was a time I was on a call for 2 hours and all the man wants was a supervisor. I've begged Anjo (my TL), Chie (another TL) and Beni (my TM) but none would take my call. Glenn was a TL then already. Though I hated the fact that I'm asking his help (there's always been healthy competition between us, even now...we're very competitive e hahaha) I went to his station and cried just so he'd take the sup call. Sissy ko noh?

There was also a time when Glenn was out, it was Valentine's and he had to bring his mom to the airport, and this super irate customer just won't stop cussing me. My TM was listening to my call and gave me the signal to drop it. The moment the line was cut, I started to cry. That account was soooooooo stressful, believe me.

One day Peaches called me into her office. I was so darn scared I had to go to the Helpdesk area and talk to Apple first (by then she became back up batch already). I went in to find Gilbert and CJ, both from Team Wowee. We were all thinking of were there because we're getting fired. Hahaha~ Funny, but really, the entire time we were waiting we kept on thinking who's getting fired first. Then Peaches made the announcement. We'd be the next set of Helpdesk agents under Ms. Carme. Yehey~! No more irate callers for a month. (before the helpdesk team was a rotational position, everyone get replaced every month).

My time with helpdesk was the best days as I'd always say. Petiks. Plus I've got 4 really great people with me daily. There's Gilbert and CJ, there's Rose who was our Batch Lead then and Ms. Carme. We were a small little party of happy campers. Gilbert became such a great friend then. I remember an instance when I'm walking along EDSA. As I was supposed to cross Quezon Ave (I was heading to Mc Ds) an owner type jeep with a very old ugly man inside stopped in front of me. He was asking me to come with him. Darn! He was trying to pick me up! I ran to Mc Ds and I called Gilbert as I was crying inside. Glenn was late and won't answer his phone. Gibo offered to get me. I did tell him I just needed to talk to someone since I'm sure Glenn's on his way now. Ohhh, sweet, sweet Gibo.

After a month, Ms. Carme decided to extend our stay in Helpdesk since we're doing a great job. We we're ecstatic of of course. By this time, they moved us to the area in front of Addison's Office since the account was growing steadily. And when the account is growing it means one thing, promotion time. They opened 6 slots for the TL position and 1 for QC. Of course I applied together with Rose. Gibo and CJ applied for the QC post. I was the last person to be interviewed. After my interview with Erwin, he went directly to Ms. Carme and congratulated her personally because I aced the interview. Everyone thought I was a shoo in. CJ got hired as the new QC and Rose as one of the TLs. Carme made the announcement that Gibo would be the next batch lead (sorta a consolation because he's the only one who was not promoted). We were wrong. I was dropped out of the list.

I was left out, not Gibo, as we first thought. They brought in the new people to replace CJ, who's now a QC and Gibo who's now the official Batch Lead. Jane and Jorge were brought in. We were a happy lot still. Carme, Gibo, me, Jane and Jorge. Rose would always come by, CJ is just a few seats away, Glenn would always be around during breaks. Later on when we can no longer handle the number of helpdesk calls because of the steady climb in the number of agents, they brought Orange in. Gibo got promoted as QC (I applied for it but they told me Gibo has more experience) and I was brought in as Batch Lead since I'm the only senior helpdesk left. Darlene took over when I got transferred.

By this time I've been off the phone for 4 months. Peaches asked Carme to take another Batch Lead instead of me. She wants me back on the floor. Carme explained that there's no one there more prefect for the job. I know everything and I've been there for months. It's better to keep me than train a new one. I stayed.

For the next four months I made manager call backs to irate customers. I worked on the complicated adjustments and basically cleaned up everybody's mess. One mess I couldn't clean up though was my personal life. Glenn broke up with me one day with no reason. Just that. One weekend he asked for some time alone. Which I gave him. During the weekdays we're a normal couple. But for 3 weekends we acted as if we didn't know each other. He'd disappear. On the fourth weekend I asked him if he was avoiding me...By the end of the conversation I turned my back on him and left.

Months went by and no one suspected a thing. I thought we were still trying to work things out. Kait gave birth to Kyan around this time. And though I honestly want to be there for her, I was emotionally distraught and I thought she doesn't need her crying, wailing and heartbroken bestfriend.

My October, people started to ask questions. Maybe because he just stopped coming over. Or maybe because I started to eat with Jane and Rose instead of wait for him every lunch. And I'd head home alone. Work by then was just a distant memory. But that was the time when I bonded more closely to everyone. Carme, Rose, Jane and Darlene became my support group. Blar would always drop by just to give me a hug. Jaypee would spend hours with me just talking. And Gilbert would always lend his shoulder when in the middle of the night all I want was cry.

When November came, news about the account closing up became prevalent. A new technical account is to be launched soon and they started to migrate qualified agents. I begged Carme to let me take the exam since I'm confident I'd ace it. I'm the most technical girl I know back then (well, Jane can't definitely know what I know about computers! Hahaha). Carme emailed HR and Christian dropped by the following week to tell me and Carme that I've been scheduled to take the exam and the list has been forwarded to Peaches. When the list came out, my name was not there. Glenn on the other hand passed and would start training as Batch 1 of L1 agents.

Ladit from P*yups sent me a message asking about the openings we have for the new account. I referred her and she got in. She was with Glenn on class Americano. Gladys is now a Manager for one of our accounts.

By then everyone was panicking. Sales got shut down and agents were furloughed. Customer Care would cease operations by end of the year and agents are being terminated left and right with whatever offense could be hurled at them. I was in panic. My life's in a mess and I can't afford to lose my job.

An opening for Workforce was posted. Carme asked everyone in the team to apply. Everyone did. Before the month ended, a week before the launch of the tech support account I was hired as an RTA. And my life took a 180 degrees turn.

Perfectly Bonkers

I was toggling between two channels a while ago. Funny that I was watching two different shows yet it sound so familiar. The Perfect Man was on HBO while the latest and juiciest star split-ups were on ETC.

How can I even think of finding the perfect man when left and right I know couples are splitting up?

I know I'm paranoid. Or maybe not.

First and Last

I rendered my last day as an employee at RMH last night. Would you believe that until the last half hour I was 'moving colors' still? That I was still trying to make something out of the short time given to me to come up with a viable enough study. I don't think I was able to deliver. How can I? I was given 2 weeks to work on the schedules, train 2 replacements and develop an entirely new scheduling algorithm, program it and make a study. I got the first two done and I went as far as being able to program the 96 new combination of working patterns and rest days. Only thing I was not able to finish was the study. I tried. Really. I did. I don't think anyone could be as idealistic as I am and even attempt to complete something as radical as that on his last 2 weeks at work. I tried.

And obviously I'm disappointed at myself. Hahaha~ See, I can't just let it go. I'm so used to being able to deliver that I feel bad for not being able to this time around. That's the bad side of being a good person really.

So there, I spent my last day working AND saying my good byes. Sad.

I didn't have time to dwell on that sadness though since I had to attend my Orientation for IBM. I'm not gonna go into the details of my day though. I don't think it merits time. Hahaha~ But I've 2 things to say after going through that. One is that I'm so freaking tired and I've been up and running for more than 20 hours straight now and two, it feels like High School again when I stepped into that auditorium. If you know me, you'd know what I mean.

I'm tired and sleepy and hungry. I can't stop thinking of the day I would retire. That would be a blessing. Honestly, I don't know for how long I can continue to live like this. Fast, fast, fast.

So fast that I'm getting stressed. And when I'm stressed, my body comes up with radical means to show the emotional and psychological pressure and translate it into something physical. Sometimes with cluster headaches or migraine attacks, there are times with skin asthma...and like now, stomatitis. It's an infection that usually comes up when I'm stressed because my body can't fight the bacteria that's in the air anymore. And since my lips are often dry and are easily chaffed, I get small wounds which in the end gets infected. I need tons of vitamin C. I've also asked my mom to buy me the trimycin ointment that my old derma prescribed.

Now, I rest. I'm done ranting. Hehehe~ Yun lang gusto ko e. Mag-rant.

Ex Hex

Why would anyone assume Glenn and I are getting back together? Can't we be just friends? Like really good friends? So what if he's an ex? Hay, can't people understand that I can actually befriend an ex and have a really good friendship...Why can't they get that?!

What's Next?

Never say never. Just when I thought I'd be having my "downtime" I heard the engines louder. Darn. T'was a fun ride really. Tiring but fun.

It took me ten years before I could decide whether I'm gonna wear a dress, a skirt or my regular jeans. I just felt like I have to make an effort and make sure people would remember me as someone "pleasant" but I was having such a bad headache that all I wanted to do was climb inside my trusty jeans and drabby shirts and plain tsinelas. Anyways, the dress won.

I got to work with no hassles, thank heavens for really nice cab drivers! Then the lady guard started to stutter the moment she saw me. Took me a while to actually understand what she was trying to tell me since she's had her hands over her face the entire time. Anyways, I received a dozen pink flowers. Ha! Be careful what you wish for Hanne, you just might get it. I did. Ha!

I had an idea who the perpetrator might be since I could only remember one person commenting on my post here. But I decided not to be too assuming. Plus, there's an even bigger possibility that someone's playing a trick on me. Good thing it wasn't a joke. Hahaha~ I don't think I want the first bouquet I got to be just one big joke. Mwahahaha~ It's cool really. Though I'm not sure how to explain how it magically landed on my hands.

Everyone actually assumed it was from either Glenn or Patrick. Of course I told them it couldn't be from those two. Heck, they won't stop bugging me so by the end of the day I had to tell 'em. Sorry, the RTAs know. I don't want Glenn to get the credit naman for such a lovely gift. I just am not sure of course if you want to be named as that person who sent me the flowers. Hehehe~

Penny also gave me a box of tikoy. Woohoo~ My lolo loves tikoy. Well, I think he loves anything. Hahaha~

Then Glenn asked me if I'm gonna treat him to breakfast since I'm gonna leave na. Nahiya naman ako. He always treats me when I make him kulet. So I did. We tried to follow the RTAs at Kalye Juan but when we got there they were already inside Mon's car. Oh, and the flowers got caught up my skirt so my skirt was halfway up and they all saw that. At sa sobrang hiya ng kasama ko iniwan ako sa labas kasama mga RTAs. Mon pointed at Glenn, "Yung kasama mo nakaupo na sa loob." Naknam! He did say nahihiya siya because he doesn't want people to think that the flowers came from him. Sorry boy, you asked for breakfast so you have to live with me dragging my flowers and my tikoy!

Well, I didn't actually treat him. He paid for his part. Hahaha~ Nahiya din. Buti nga...mwahahahaha~ And I super enjoyed my....errr....I forgot what I ordered but I took a picture. Heck, it's not everyday I get to eat a quarter pound of meat.

We stayed and talked til about 9:30am. Just reminiscing. Heck, he was with me from day 1 at RMH and I can't believe I'm leaving. I was juggling emotions the entire time. So many things happened there and so many people became part of my life simply because we work at the same place. He even convinced me to write a memoir about my stay there (3 years, 4 months, 25 days to be exact). I told him I would. It's my ode to everyone who became my friend there. Sheesh, drama. Pero pramis, naiiyak ako. Shet.

Then on my way home Jem from Daksh texted me. Said I have to get my orientation pass today since I have to attend orientation tomorrow at 7.30 am at Magallanes (wherever that is). I went home, dropped everything on the dining table, changed into my jeans and shirt and tsinelas and raced to Makati.

I just got back. It's almost 2pm. I have to catch some sleep. I'm heading to work tonight then tomorrow I'm gonna have a full day orientation. Goodluck. Nothing new, but it's something I could definitely live without.

Hmm, I better get myself ready. Tomorrow would be another ride. A definite thriller. Hahaha, cos I'm freakin' scared. Ohhhh.

Music

Been hearing really bad reviews about the movie Music and Lyrics. I want to see that pa naman. I really like Drew Barrymore. She won me over with her other movies like the Wedding Singer (where I cried the river Jordan dry) and 50 First Dates (where i bawled like there's no tomorrow). So I wanted to watch this one the moment Hernan and I saw the poster. Hmf. I'm not a Hugh Grant fan though he's kinda cute with his sideways smile. Pero hinde!

Anyways, I wanted to cancel our Live AIDS plan since Penny can't come and I can't find the tickets. Hernani said he wants to go. I said he's in charge of the tickets then. Hehehe~!

We're seeing The Holiday this weekend. Sana matuloy. We have a 10% chance of actually pulling this plan off. Hahaha~ And I saw this really lengthy preview of the indie film, Rome and Juliet, I actually think it's nice. Of course, Hernan is not interested with lesbo affairs.

What's wrong with Music and Lyrics?

Thank You

I'm not sure who you are but I know you'd read this.

Salamat. Thanks for the flowers. Yeah, now I've nothing to wait for when I'm 50. Hehehe~

Crazeee Hanneee

hanne says:
ilan tayo sa team?
PAUL says:
bale 10 na, including you. 2 kayong AMs
si Leo yung isang AM
hanne says:
how's he like
PAUL says:
he's a good guy. he'll teach you stuff. walang hang ups.
hanne says:
great!
ok yan.
ako lang maraming hang ups./
warn them
PAUL says:
walang hang ups sa work. sa work. hindi sa personal
hanne says:
ahhhhhhhh
PAUL says:
katitira yan ng estrogen
Leahanne, accepted na namin na may topak ka.
may baltic
may tuliling
1 signature shy of being committed
hanne says:
sira ka a
PAUL says:
drowning on the deep end
flying over the cuckoo's nest
hanne says:
OA na a
PAUL says:
swimming in a pool of dementia
eccentric
an hour away from shouting "Crispin! Basilio!"
Leyaaaaneeee
bawal pikon
ang pikon baliw
hanne says:
huy, in fairness laging ako si Sisa sa mga school plays from grade 6 til 3rd year

***Who's crazy? Me. In so many ways.

Start V-Day Right

dylan: hanne
dylan: hanne bunny
dylan: hanneeee bunneeeee
hanne: dylan
hanne: musta na? wala ka nanamang makausap
dylan: meron naman
dylan: pero kinakatok lang kita
hanne: ahhhhhh
hanne: so miss mo ko
hanne: UP fair a. daming nagyayaya hinde naman ako pwede
dylan: kakulitan kita e
hanne: ay kakulitan lang pero hinde miss?
dylan: miss shempre
dylan: ikaw pa
hanne: wahahaha, si hanne walang malambing, nagtatyaga kay dylan
hanne: hahaha
hanne: ayun. pwede na yun
hanne: palimos po ng atensyon
dylan: happy valentines!
dylan: one minute na lang!
hanne: walanghiya
dylan: happy valentines!!!!
dylan: exactly 12am na!!!
hanne: happy valentines
hanne: pero singles tayo e
dylan: ok lang yun!
hanne: payn, payn, sabi mo e
dylan: hehe
dylan: parati naman tayo e
dylan: pag pasko
dylan: pag valentines
dylan: pag new year
hanne: wala ka nga nung pasko e
hanne: at nung new year
hanne: hmf
hanne: solo flight ako nun
dylan: hehe
dylan: nagbakasyon ako e
dylan: para naman maiba
dylan: nagka 4 years na tayong ganun halos
dylan: omg
dylan: ganun na katagal no?
hanne: ang losers natin dylan!
dylan: hhahhaa
dylan: ako loser!
hanne: ako cute
hanne: hahaha

I'm Single

Now that the V-day is coming I can't help but worry. Well, I usually get asked why I'm still single and I don't have any surefire way to answer them.

Also, there's this prevailing line that I've been hearing from men left and right. "You're ex is stupid for leaving you." I've heard it from at least 3 people. Point is, they did. I'm single. They left me for whatever reason. SO what's the point of ever saying that? Would that make everything better? Ain't I better alone?

Then a married friend also would tell me over and over that he'd marry me if only he was single. I thought it was a joke. Well, I hope it is still a joke. I got to chat with him last week after months. I made a joke that he wasn't answering my text messages and that I already got married last December. He asked if I was joking. I said it was a joke of course. And then he replied with, "I thought I lost you. I would've married you, y'know." At that point I really don't know what to say anymore except for the very polite, "Thanks".

So what's up with the season? Absolutely nothing for me.

Ohhh, Even You?

***For KT

My only ally is now turning mushy over V-day. I meant you, Kait. Ever since we've been friends I always end up being the nice, sweet girl because you're such an apathist. Hey, don't get this wrong girl. I like it, I'm actually trying to emulate you dearie. But when you start writing about v-day that's just plain scary. Hahaha~ Well, you do have the license to acknowledge the day, after all you're married.

I'm standing by my mantra though. Double or nothing. Ewwww~ I'm so manang.

Anyways, I went to have my facial, spa etc this morning after gym. I wanted to ask you sana but I know you're not into it. Not too girly enough ;p Who's got 2 kids anyways? Not the girly one definitely. Hehe~ Maybe I should change huh?

Sometimes I'm just torn between being who I want and being what people thinks I should be. I wish I could have your apathy. Really. And just not care. At all.

Hey, you need a job within a month? I'd help you. Why won't you stay though? Would it be really that bad to step up to their expectations? Akala ko ba we're paving a career path for you? Weird noh? We're bestfriends but we're just way too different. We could prolly compare every part of our lives and none would coincide. Like with this one, all I want to move up and show everyone I'm the best and that I can kick anybody's ass (esp those people I hate, eat my dusts punkies!) and you're happy just being where you are...somehow. Hmm, magulo ka din pala. Hahaha~ Decide. You want to leave? Look for a day job, I'd ask around. Darn, if kinakausap ko lang aunt ko e di sana Cathay Pacific ka na! Wahahaha~ I'm sorry, even for you I'm never gonna talk to her.

Anyways, I'd try to sleep na. I swear, my face feels like it's been torn into pieces and the only thing holding it together would be my pimples. Hahaha~ Kainis lang cos since it's election time, they're drilling the streets here. Ang obvious, pwede naman last month, or last last month or last year. Nakakatawa na nga yung mga ad campaign e. Only in the Philippines! So there, been hearing the drill non-stop since Tuesday last week, sa inyo din ba?

Anyways, catch you on chat. And yes, you can still be mushy about v-day and I won't mind. It's just weird. Hahaha~

Sinking

Hernan wrote something about my leaving that really got me down. It's different when the fact that I'm leaving this place actualy sinks in. It's like leaving a lover behind or something really emotional like that. Not because of any particular thing or person, but of the collective feeling of intimacy.

It's like knowing everything about someone that you don't need to guess what the next move should be. You learn to dwell in mutual syncronicity and definite familiarity. And for someone who clings onto the steadfast and the known, that's a great relief.

Sometimes though, the idea of exploring new things, the unknown and the unexplored tickles me pink. It's like getting yourself a new lover and experiencing everything for the first time. We all know how wonderful that is. It's like seeing everything in full color after being half blind.

Am I excited or am I scared? i'm halfway in between and more.

SE My SE

I've been wanting to let go of my old SE K700i. I'm no longer using it. I'd usually leave it at home and sorta use it like a beeper. Leave your message and I'd read it when I remember I have another phone and line. Most of the time, my brother uses it to take his photos and bluetooth it to the pc since his phone has no bluetooth.

I want a new phone too...my SE W550i is still pretty in white. I just grew tired of it. I wanted the LG Chocolate but I can't find it here in Manila. Anyways, I went around shopping online. I saw another white phone. Teehee~

And Kait's kinda hooked with the charm bracelet I gave her. She now wants all the charms. Me too. I only got 4 charms. Anyone wanna give me more? Hahaha. Please? I'm gonna go get myself the stilettos and the handbag when I get my first pay in March. Yehey~

Bouquets

Someone was asking about "unconventional bouquets". He said he wanted to give his girl something different. Of course ideas came pouring in. I even suggested this flowers and candies bouquet I saw before, though I wasn't too helpful since I don't know where to score that particular bouquet. As I was racking my head with my Martha Stewart and Oprah ideas for my friend, I realize that a bouquet is a bouquet. A flower is still a flower. And though I'm honestly not a flower person (I'd much rather have chocolates and I'd lovingly eat 'em, even welcome them as added pounds to my thighs) I thought receiving a conventional bouquet would be just as lovely as getting a different one.

I've never received one before. And whenever I hear the word flowers I remember two things. One was this guy holding this huge bouquet at the Chem Pav in UP, he was hiding himself in the adjacent corridor, waiting for his girl. I was on my way to Math then and all I could think of the entire class was how lucky the girl must be. Darn, I failed Math 17 tuloy. Hahaha~ Another incident would be a time when I was chatting with Kait (I really don't think you'd remember this, you always, always forget) when at one time he and Mer just came from UP and on their way home she coaxed him into buying her one at SM North. I was thinking then, you atleast have someone to ask that from, I have to buy it myself if I want one. Oh well.

Good thing I'm not a flower person, I don't feel half as bad as it seems. I'd still like the chocolates. Hands down. But from today until prolly the time I reach 50 years old, I'd appreciate one bouquet. One that's not from my Grandad because it's my 18th birthday that is. Hehehe!

Miss Gay

Ang malas! May Ms. Gay competition sa barangay namin. And guess where they're holding it, right in front of our street. Goodluck with my headache and goodluck with getting any sleep. I don't have any qualms with them holding such events, I actually think it's nice. But heck, please not in the middle of the street. Some people have work, some people needs to wake up early on a Monday morning and some, like me, are just plain sick and wants to have peace and quiet.

Speaking of gays. I saw the production of team of this year's Live A.I.D.S on TV. They were on Korina Today of ANC. I haven't seen any recent Live AIDS show, I never had the chance. Actually wala lang akong kasama. Obviously. Anyways, this year's Live AIDS as they explained is special since it will be filled with monologues. They've invited all the previous monologue artists like RS Francisco, Tita Glow, Tuesday Vargas and Giselle Sanchez. Sympre, suportahan and UP Samaskom. Hinde po ako from their college pero basta UP, go UP!

I'm really losing my wits. Headache or no headache, this Ms. Gay thing is just too much noise in one night.

Sana I can watch Live AIDS the repeat at Music Museum on March 10th. Hay. Sana. Pambawi.

Headache

Been wanting to blog since yesterday, unfortunely, I've been under sorta a drug induced coma (not really, more like temporarily drugged) because of my migraine. I bought 10 caps of mefenamiac and now it's down to 4. And having finished off 6 of 'em over a span of 24 hours didn't help because I've been in bed since yesterday morning until now (apparently I can't stand not having a shower).

Sick.

Bye.

*insert expletives here*

For UP

Here's something the UP peeps might want to look at.

"Through the project Handog sa Alma Mater, the alumni will be tapped to improve the sidewalks around the Academic Oval and support UP Diliman's intention to keep a sylvan campus with limited access to motorists. At at the same time, the project will generate much-needed funds for the University."

I'd honestly donate the 20K if I have it now (it might take me some time to furnish that amount) but I doubt if they'd accept undergrads there. Anyway, I know for a fact that there are thousands other who are more capable of giving back to the university more than I do. Hoy Glenn, ikaw yun. Mwahahaha~ Kala mo, ung WorldVision sponsorship mo ayusin mo, lagot ka sa akin.

I doubt though that I'd see a name there from anyone from my batch. We're still way too young. I'd assume we'd get lots of donations from the biggies, like senators, congressmen, mayors...bakit kaya? It's in season ata. Mwahaha~

Wizard!

So there, I installed my games. Yipee! And even played one skirmish on Generals Zero Hour. I went down to get snacks and when I got back, my PC was busted. It won't open again after that. I get one long beep and then two shorter ones. Now, if there's anyone who can decipher computer beeps it'll be Dylan and Ryan. So I texted them both. They both said it could be my Video Card or Memory. I was way too sleepy by then so I just went to bed.

I woke up 5 hours later and all I wanted to do was take my PC apart. I took my dinner and looked for Papa's philips screwdriver. And I started to dismantle everything just the way I used to...gently. Hahaha~

Technically I had to do it as soon as I can so I'd know whether I need professional help or not. Last time I opened my PC was over a year ago when I bought a new processor and a new mobo. Anyways, I ended up with scratches all over my arms and hands and when my thumb started to bleed, I called in the troops. Dylan, Randell and Janrey told me to just bring the entire thing to their condo at Katips. There Janrey helped me buy a new casing (with no rough edges inside so I won't end up with bleeding fingers) and Dylan assembled everything (especially the lines for the USB I/O which I just don't understand...too many pins!) and Randell installed the OS. That was then though.


Now, I realized I have to be able to do this alone. They're all busy. Janrey's out of the country. Randell's always doing double shifts and Dylan has a full time residential project. Darn.

The moment I pulled all the plugs at the back I remembered I have a new casing. I no longer have my screwless case. Sheesh. So there, I took out the screws to be able to open one side. I cleaned the insides with my handy cleaner and cotton buds for the hard to reach areas especially around the fans. Then when I was about to check my Graphics card, I just couldn't figure out where the screws where since there was just a piece of metal on top holding it down. I thought the screws were on the other side of the mobo so I resorted to taking the other cover off. Believe me, by this time I was taking too many screws! A girl can't handle that much screws a night! (that didn't sound right hahaha) pero pramis, nakakalito. This screw goes here, this one there, that other one with this. Leche!

Anyways, surprise! No screws on the other side of the MOBO too. Hmmmm...After staring at the entire thing for several minutes and giving my sister a brief tour of the entire CPU (I doubt if Lyka could actually remember the parts I pointed at her and what they're for) I jammed my thumb on the thing that's holding the AGP down. Great. Slide on panel. Sheesh! Tanga ako.

So I cleaned that too. And I took off all the connections and reconnected them. Sorta like making sure everything's where it should be. I tested it once. Beeeeeeep. I took everything apart again. I tested it for the second time. Beeeeeeeep. Darn. I know that beeping sound. It's the memory. I tried to use the other mem ports. Beeeeeeeep. One more port to test. *toot-toot* Yahoo, I'm back!

SO there, I cleaned up everything. I reconnected all the cables. I placed all the screws back (hopefully on the right holes) and I'm online now. My fingers are a bit sore from all the pulling, plugging, unplugging etc. Pramis, lalo na ang IDE cable. Darn. Sumakit mga knuckles ko kakahila. I ended up with dungis hands. And arms. And fingernails. And clothes. Hahahaha. But it's all worth it. Now, where is Black Lotus? woohoo!

Just Like The Old Times!~

I went with Glenn to Greenhills. He said he needs to buy something for his toy. I asked him to look for old PC games for me. He said I should prolly go with him so I'd know where to look next time.

My PC has been devoid of any game for the longest time. My sibs have been begging me to install something other than Hangaroo2. Well, all my old installers aren't working. So there, I found myself walking around Greenhills after more than a year.

Guess what I found...>-<

Command & Conquer
C&G Zero Hour
Sims 2 (complete with all the expansions)
Sim City

Only thing I was not able to find was Beach Life. Darn. I miss that. Hahaha~ Ang babaw ko. Funny thing was, I did not even look at the new games. I just asked for the old ones that I used to play. Wehehe~

Then I canceled the dinner later. Well, not really, since Ryan and Nonoy would still be meeting up. Randell though did not answer a single text message and Mikey did say that he has a deadline today and might not make it. I'm still undecided if I'm gonna show up or not. Hmm...But I have so many new old games installed. I wanna be reunited with my beloved China team and my sexy Black Lotus. Mwahahahaha~ I don't think the guys would appreciate the fact that I might choose the video game over spending time with them. But, but...

Old Files

I can't sleep. Temples aching. See what I found. All the old things that used to mean an entirely different world to my old self. Fun.

the sweetest things...

We could go out if you want,
To dinner or a movie,
or both if it'll make you happy.
And when we're done we can
pause and gaze at the stars,
And for each one we see
I would bring up at least ten things
that make you wonderful.
So if you want,
we can stay together through college,
And experience each achievement and failure together.
And any wisdom I receive
from the most enlightening class,
Would mean exactly nothing until I can share it with you.
If you want,
we could get married afterwards,
Merging our souls with the infinite.
We'd honeymoon on the Riviera
and if you get bored we could venture
through the Arctic or even trek through the moon
if it would make you happy.
We'd buy a high ranch Tudor style dwelling
just like you dreamed of as a little girl,
And we'd give rise to three children
who will accompany us to the ends of the earth.
And every day,
I would make sure to wake up earlier than you,
Just so I could spend ten minutes admiring your beauty.
When you do wake up
you'd find several conspicuously placed
post-it notes,
Whose solitary reason for being
is to reaffirm my undying devotion.
And later on in life,
when the days become more valuable,
and the children have all moved on,
and you're downhearted
because you're not as young as you feel,
When this happens,
I will be there to take you back to every place
in this world that ever made you happy.
And in the end when all that is left
is waiting for a valediction
to supplement this life,
I will remain by your side through all that is left,
for as much or as little,
Until the very end and then beyond.
Or, if you want,
we could just be friends.

Blooming Phantasmagoria
(an elegy in thirteen counts for Raggedy_An)

It never occurred to me that your presence could be disturbing. Until I discovered these things.

1. I know that smiles are designed to send amicable or seductive signals. But your smile is different because it communicates dirty, smoky passion --- I hallucinate every time I remember that magnetic curvature of your nose ---rather than send inchoate messages to my confused senses.
2. Your eyes are never sad, your voice is a still cloud. You are a creature in my night/day dreams, the source of my absurd paranoia. You drugged me to become immobile, lazy as a couch potato, mesmerized as floating in a vapid, languorous stasis. Tricky is the word for such carousing signals. Careless contacts, unmeasured speech, delirious chortle, funny lines. Madness is the consequence of overreading random details.
3. That is why I’m writing this. I hate your presence and love to be with you. I don’t want to speak to you of small details because I want to talk to your mind --- about your achetypes, dreams, and hatred for this dehumanizing existence. How would you change the world using the perspective of your art and poetry? I detest reality as I imagine us catching butterflies. I denounce normalcy as I embrace my neurosis.
4. While I’m drowning in an impetuous piety, in a sea of burning pleasure, I am torn into ten pieces or more because of this mask I am wearing (contoured and delusive apoplexia and blue green brouhaha can develop into a violent coma).
5. My speech is dissolving salt and pepper in my tongue. My stomach begins to churn every time you open your mouth.
6. Your curled laughter is a smoke that pollutes pink and weak lungs.
7. Your cherubic stare encages a demon and forces him to pray.
8. You’re like a horny lion in an elegant cycle.
9. (Your hair is black) Your lips are lips.
10. Your skin, a skin (a silk is a silk).
11. Wicked eyes leave me unadulated.
12. Your presence is an absence of my presence.
13. And your absence is a presence of my absence.

Everything's just plain gray nowadays. I'm searching for a hint of color though. A teeny tiny one or a bold blinking sign saying, "Now". And you know I'd go for it. Until the time though that I see that hint of color, I'd stay within my gray area of exacting solace and unseen happiness.

No one can blame me.

Kait, I need a hug.