2006

Just a short goodbye to an interesting year.

I welcomed 2 babies early this year. Both my inaanaks.

I had a roller coaster ride with my personal life.

I lost 2 good friends but gained several new ones.

I had a whirlwind romance that ended in tears but which vindicated the fact that I'm in fact not so bright. Hehe.

And I'm looking at a new step which I might take on soon...A good way to start the new year I hope.

Cheers to everyone.

Kopi Mates

We met up as planned Friday night. Me, Mikey and Randell. Sir Nonoy and Ryan had to bail out though, too bad.

After an hour or so playing Time Crisis at Timezone Gateway we went for coffee, just so we could hang some more. We wanted to see a movie but they stopped selling tickets already.

By 3.30 AM we've exhausted almost all possible topics. Well, not really. Somehow we managed to talk about everyone we knew and a lot was discussed about work. It was fun all in all. You get to finally settle a lot of issues, you finally got the answers you've been wanting to ask and somehow, though they're all years late it's still worth it.

What really was the hghlight of the night though (after the fact that by 3.30am I've been awake for 30+ hours) was when Mikey told us he left the car inside Gateway's parking. Wahahaha~ The mall was closed, we tried every single opening that we could find, went around to check for any guards patrolling the area. After sometime they hailed me a cab and sent me home. I gathered that they left after a few minutes and Mikey just decided to head back there the following morning when the parking's open.

I took some pictures of the guys while we checked the driveways to see if we could us in and the car out.

Swinging It

This morning I was telling someone my plans for the day. That after a back breaking 9 hour shift I'm heading to the gym, then I'm heading to the mall to shop and have my regular facial and footspa/pedicure and then I'm supposed to meet my college buddies by dinner.

Well, I did almost everything except for the facial slash foot spa slash pedicure because I realized I'm heading out for the night and I can't wet my face if I'm gonna have it cleaned and all. Hernan and I scoured the Block. Well, not really. But we got really, really tired. And Glenn treated me to pancake house prior to my shopping binge, salamat!

I got myself a new book (no it's not chick lit. it's history! Hello Catherine de Medici), a new make up brush, a new kick ass shirt and of course a new pair of stilts. Yipee! And Hernan and I saw this really nice watch. Accent. Well, I wasn't sure about the brand name cos I'm not familiar with it but it looks so freakin great on my wrist. Well, I haven't actually tried it...Hehehe. But I'm sure it'll look great on me.

Anyway, I went home to catch some Zzzzs supposedly but I can't sleep...so here I am. Waiting. I'd be heading out by 8pm. I'd be meeting Mikey, Randell and Nonoy at Gateway. Ryan said he'd try to follow. Let's see.

IBM called already. Hmm...I gotta talk to Paul.

Accenture & CVG

Who's been here from Accenture? And CVG and infocom!

Christmas Past and Christmas Present

I told Glenn I had a really good Christmas. Aside from the fact that I slept a lot the entire weekend, I also almost never cried.

It's been like that for years. Me crying over the holidays. I don't honestly know why, what I do know is that I never felt more lonely than on Christmas eve, which, unfortunately happens to be also my birthday. I've learned not to celebrate and I've developed my own special coping mechanism. For years I hid behind my computer, making excuses not to join family gatherings and just being alone so no one would notice that I had cried. This year though it was different. I was not online the entire night, I was able to catch some really needed sleep and I don't feel that lonely.

If last year I made an attempt to forget everything by giving myself a party...this year, I spent it with myself. Not with the computer, not with Dylan or whomever is on YM, not with a bottle of vodka ice. Just me, and a lot of almost unattainable dreams.

Maybe for Christmas Future I'd finally get to smile.

Being Me

Being me ain't easy.

Yesterday I got an almost epiphany. Almost because I know it's bound to be realized out loud soon enough. Well, it came sooner than I thought. Someone whacked me with a fact and I was unable to duck. Thus, the bruised face. Getting knocked out though gave a few precious milliseconds to actually review my life, from my oldest memory to the second before impact. And I realized I feel sorry about myself.

Honestly, I welcomed the smack on the face. It was a relief that someone still sees me and the knowledge that someone is actually watching over me makes me all warm inside. At the same time though I feel bothered with the thought that someone actually misses the old me. That old self that I've tried so hard to change.

As I've said, it's not easy being me. It's not easy not being one of the pretty girls nor one of the rich kids. It's not easy being the smart one when all you get are approving glances from your teachers which translates to snickers from the other kids. It's not easy having to deal with all the insecurities, growing up the ugly child because your sister is way sexier, because your cousins has flawless skin, because your friend is the prettier one.

When you're a kid, being smart is nothing but a stigma. And being good is nothing to be proud of.

As you grow older, the insecurities grows with you. From being the ugly duckling, you grow up into the ugly suckling pig. From the dark skinned girl, you grow up being the worst dressed teen. And from being the invisible one, you become almost non-existent.

And you'd never understand what it's like unless you've been one. Unless you've been laughed at. Unless you've seen the dispproving looks. You'd never know unless you go home crying and not having anyone to talk to because everyone in the family is busy minding their own business and you'd never understand unless you've been called "fat and ugly" on your face while everyone else stares back at you.

I've never felt as confident as I do now. I've never been comfortable in my own as I am now. And I've never felt "pretty" or "attractive" as I do now. And that's a world of difference for me.

I'm not just the smart girl, I'm now the smart, attractive wonder woman.

And though I might not have the same image, I try to ignore that fact. Change is inevitable. And changing into who I am now may not be the best option, but it's the closest possible option that I have to getting what I want. Otherwise, I could content myself with being the invisible girl.

To prove that point, I brought one picture to work last night. It was a group picture of my orgmates and I back when I was in 2nd year college. I showed it to our Ops Manager. He saw my ex first who's also an Ops Manager.

"Is that Glenn?" He asked.

I said yes. He went on to ask if we were classmates. I said we were on the same org but we're not classmates as he's far too old for my batch.

He went onto the floor and started showing the picture to everyone. And everyone noticed Glenn, about 45lbs lighter and Michelle, "the pretty" girl on the picture. No one even noticed me on the picture. And if they did, they never said anything.

Afterwards, I showed it to Hernan. He exclaimed, "That's you? Oh my! Is this Glenn? Shucks, I won't even notice him, he's too slim back then...yada-yada"

"Hey, I showed you the pic because I wanted you to see how I was before, but of course you noticed someone else!"

He then explained that he did see me. Unlike everyone else though in the picture, my "aura" seems invisible.

And I agree. I was invisible. Look at my old face and you won't see the light, the personality. You won't feel the courage and confidence. You'd never know that I am capable of moving mountains of tasks within a single flick of my wrist.

I don't want to be that person anymore. I'm done being that person.

Being Merry And Bright

I dozed off early last night. It was something new. I guess I got sleepy and heavy from reading my new Shopaholic book from Hens (who was my prince from our Disney Princess themed Kris Kringle). I got up about an hour ago to find 8 messages from people who remembered to greet me. Sabi ko nga kay Aian, since my birthday's the same day as the busiest day of the season, not everyone remembers it and when one does, it means so much to me. I don't expect gifts no more. I'm too old for that (but still welcome hehe) and I don't expect people to come see me (though I know that Ryan and Randell tried their best to always be with me the night before my birthday, sayang walang budget this year) since I know they'd all be busy. The simple greeting is enough. Isipin mo, sa busy nila, sa dami ng nangyayari, sa pagod nila, they still remember.

Am chatting with Glenn now. He was calling me midnight to greet me but I was fast asleep. I greeted him back with a "ho ho ho" line. He asked what that's for, I said I'm trying to get into the spirit. And he added, quite intuitively, "and failing miserably." Yeah, he knows me. He knows for a fact that today would be one of the hardest days for me.

Family would be around me, friends would be calling and I'd be smiling as expected when all I want is to be left alone. Funny because I know for a fact that I'm not alone in feeling this way. I know for a fact that a lot of people are feeling the same emptiness. How'd I know? Because they told me, and I kinda figured it out. Why would I be on chat the entire Christmas eve with someone else if they feel like celebrating? Why would someone drink like there's no tomorrow the day before Christmas? Why would they tell me they want to cry and die at the same time during the Holidays. Yet, like me, they go through all the set traditions painstakingly. Gifts, noche buena, cards, greetings, smiles.

I think afterwards, would I ever know the genuine smiles from the ones who are hiding something?

Through all the Christmases and all the Birthdays that I have endured and yet to endure as an adult, I never stopped in wishing though that someday "I'd feel Christmas again."

Less Than 24

The "birthday depression" is setting in. I'm starting to feel all emotional now. Withdrawn and aching.

Nothing new. Don't despair. It'll all go away after Christmas day.

Ask Again

Hmm...Must be the season! Samahan ng malalamig ang Pasko. Unite!

Train Ride

I rode the train! MRT pare. From Quezon Avenue station to Shaw station. Joey had to give me step by step instructions as to where to go and head and turn. Hernan was listening intently as if praying that by some divine intervention I don't get lost and I was laughing at loud inside. "A train ride?!"

Last time I got on a train was when Hernan and I went to visit Rei after giving birth to KD, that was back in Feb-Mar. And I was separated from Hernan pa. Wahahaha~ You should have seen our expression, "oh no, mahihiwalay si Hanne, baka patayin ako ni Rei pag nawala ko siya!" Mwahahaha~

On my way back, boss was nice enough to show me the way, unfortunately the bridge that would supposedly bring me to the "boarding area" (ok I don't know what it's called) was already closed. I went back, retraced my steps and took the "other" stairs. I had to stand the entire ride since the train was full. When I got to Quezon Ave station again I went down when I shoudl've gone up so I could've crossed EDSA without effort. But since I forgot that, I walked to the intersection and crossed the street (yebah, nakatawid ako ng EDSA!) and by the time I got to 7-11 I was sooooooo freakin tired I decided to take a cab to work. I paid P35. Nice.

Now I'm hungry.

But I kinda liked the train ride at night. Nice view from the top.

Shifting

It's shifting again. The ground is moving, trembling ever so slightly with the weight that I've enforced on it. It was my decision to push it down. Packed earth againts my sore feet.

One More Before D' Day

I went around the mall again to get some last minute shopping. Well, I'm still far from being done but I was able to do a lot. A lot of walking that is. After 30 minutes of fighting my way through the crowd in my "office" attire and 3 inch killer heels, I decided to buy some flip flops. Hello Ipanema Brown and Gold! From the moment I saw it at Gateway last month I've been drooling over it. It's like the metallic Havs which I can't find but in this rich chocolate and gold color. Woohoo~

Also, I got Mishka a Baby CD Player. Para wag naman siyang magtampo since I got KD a baby Laptop. Kait, I didn't get your kids any yet. Utang muna. Hehe~

I got myself a new fluffy giant pillow. Yeah!~ Another one for myself. Selfish!

You know what though? The closer Christmas gets, the lonelier I feel. Everywhere I look at I see friends, families, lovers doing "christmas-y" things together. And there I was, lugging my plastic bags like an old harassed lady. It came to a point when I see nothing anymore. My mind receded to that other place where no one can once again reach me. Sad.

I've been spending the past 3-4 Christmases at home, online. I used to have Dylan with me all the time. Let's see this year if I still have someone to share Christmas with. If not, then maybe, he's changed his mind about celebrating...maybe then, I'd really be alone.

Cuties

Who's the cutest among them all? From Shiloh to Violet, Suri and Sean Preston.

Kopi Date

Ryan and Randell visited me last night at work. We had coffee c/o Ryan (ang yaman naman e!) and chatted for 4 hours straight. Too bad Janrey's not around and Sir Nonoy can't make it. It was something I missed doing. They've been asking me for years to work somewhere in Makati so it's easier to set up coffee dates like the one we had last night. Who knows, they might get their wish this Christmas. Hehe~ Ryan and I just might find ourselves working on the same building for two different call centers and Randell just around the corner, with Mikey and Ruelo a few building's away. Woohoo~

Escape

I miss traveling. I've never been given the chance to extensively travel as my family can't afford anything farther than manila zoo when I was a kid. I had a chance to head to HongKong once, back in the 80s since my Aunt works for Cathay Pacific. Then there was the Baguio trip with my other Aunt's family back in December 1989, yes, inabutan kame ng coup d'etat sa Baguio.

Good thing college gave me more than once opportunity to go around. It's still the usual "family" outing slash "sosy" trips since we spent time at Puerto Azul, Fontana and several private beaches in Batangas, but the point of the entire fact is that I was able to LEAVE Manila!

The greatest trip ever was the 3 1/2 days I spent way up the mountains. Sagada. I can't describe how happy I was to have experienced that. Too bad I lost my travel buddy early on. Who knows where our feet could've lead us if we're still able to travel together.

The trip to Puerto Galera last year was also a welcome surprise! Nakaalis ako ng Luzon! Woohoo~The beach, the sun, the sand, the booze. Yeah, the booze. I don't normally drink but hell, I drowned myself in Mindoro Sling.

Running Around

Gosh! The season's finally getting to me.

I woke up early today since I was dead to the world when I got home yesterday from Makati. I went online since I got a message from Carme asking if I was still up. After chatting with Glenn for an hour or so we realized we're supposed to head to the gym by 8am. So I hurriedly went about readying my gym bag and all. I was there on time and went through the regular trouble of trying to stay fit, cherky! Hehe~

A little before 11am, we decided to go to Nike Stadium so he could buy me the gloves. I've been doing some weights and my palm's with callouses all over. So there, he had an instant gift for me.

Then I met up with Hernan shortly after and went crazy buying gifts for everyone. He got me a charm for my charm bracelet and I got him a book. And we got Penny some bling bling. And I got KD something, Glenn and Tim too. Sheesh. After all the walking, my feet felt like I've broken all the teeny tiny bones there into bits and pieces.

We went back to the office since we decided it would be better to leave all our packages there and then went straight to FIX to have our hair colored. I had a cut too. I don't like it being too long. It looks wonderful but it's so complicated to maintain. All the extra shampoo, conditioner, the deep conditioner, the root conditioner, the hair spa treatment. Sheesh~ And I had it colored again. Back to black. I'm gonna get highlights soon. I dunno when that would be though since my stylist told me I seem to be visiting less and less lately. Hay! Busy!

After that, I went up to my station and checked a few emails while waiting for Nikki and Junvie. We were supposed to head to May's birthday together. While I was waiting for them to pick me up at the steps, I saw Drew (libreng hug and kiss nanaman!).

Hay. I just got home from May's birthday inuman session. I didn't even finish half of my bottle and I was not able to wait for some of the guest to come. Got to spend a bit of time with Tabs and Iska. Sad, they're going to Laguna tomorrow for a team outing/barkada gimik and I can't go. ARRRRRRGH!~

Why Are You Naked In My Shower?

I jumped into the car followed by mu Aunt and Mom.

"Why would anyone take notice of my old car and carnap it? Even ask for money to get it back? It's worth nothing?" I said out loud as I sped out of the subdivision and went straight for the hi-way.

As I went around the parking lot of the shop where the supposedly carnappers would meet us to exhange money and car, I suddenly became anxious. I know someone's watching me. I went around again, but I didn't see my old car. I parked the car and asked my mom and aunt to stay in while I head in the store.

Even before I reached the counter to ask questions, several people started to file in. All wearing white shirts and seems to be in a quiet reverie. They formed a line on one side of the room parallel to the long wall of the store. There were around a dozen of them all lined up. Then 2 men came in. One in a red jacket and the other in a black shirt. They don't look mean or "thug"-ish in any way. They look like fratmen though. Or just some random jerk you'd pass by at work.

Great, jerks!

Then I saw him. He was wearinga white polo, with his signature cig at hand.

Darn, why do I have to see him now?

He approached the men and women who were lined up againts the wall and was about to speak when I approached him and said hi. "How have you been doing? I see you have your hands full? Busy still?" I said with full sarcasm as I eyed the busty girl following him around like a puppy. She's not even pretty, just booby.

He smiled as if I'm his long lost bestfriend and draped his arms around my waist. "How're you Babe?"

I started lashing at him like crazy. Preaching to everyone in the room that he's not to be trusted and that he's been hounding me like dog for the past few months. "Do you have anything to do with the carnapping? Is that your ploy to get me here? Stupid!"

He left the room silently. And everyone else followed.

What was that about, I thought.

The next thing I knew I was standing at the door of my room. I can hear the shower from there. I was thinking if I left it running because I seem to be outta whack lately.

I went straight for the curtains and there I saw him. Naked. Taking a shower inside my room.

"Get the hell out of here!" I shouted.

He didn't say anything, he didn't move. He huddled againts the wall trying to hide his face.

"Don't hide your face idiot! I'd recognize that birthmark of yours anywhere!"

Then I heaved out of my bed. What the hell?! It was a dream a realized. I very bad dream. Why? I don't dream. And why him? Why my old car, why my old love, my old problems. Are the haunting me back?

I doubt. But i DON'T dream.

About Me From Lanus Spato

***Note: I asked my "pseudo" stalker to make me a write up in exchange for his unlimited access to this blog. Harhar~ I love him for doing this! And fyi, LRR are my initials.

I don’t know if LRR can even talk to me after reading this.

The Professional LRR
Very capable. A bit underutilised right now. But some people are working at it to get her out of there. Take her to a place where she can just go and run full speed.

The quiet type. Not really very helpful to one's career if you're loud on the floor but quiet with the bosses. She needs to learn more about showing off how big her balls are to the right people. Pick the fights you can win and fights that need fighting. Sometimes, just sometimes, even when you're wrong, you can make it appear you're right because you talk the loudest. Not the most sense, but the loudest.

The Righteous LRR
That's the issue with artists. They tell the truth, or won't compromise truth to get ahead. Business is mostly about sales. And we all know what sales is like.

The Friendly LRR
She takes time out for her real friends. All out. No matter what. This writer is still trying to get her out of her shell and get to her good side. Not there yet. We all need someone to talk with. Also, I need help in picking out clothes. J. Found a nice shop, need help with the colors.

I’ve seen her with friends. And must say, it is enviable. She listens. I’m willing to bet, she’s got so many right now, she hasn’t time to herself.

The Scary LRR
I have this thing about reading people's eyes. There was this time, when we were on the trip back to batangas port. Everyone else was sleeping. I saw her staring blankly at the horizon. She didn't notice. But I was observing her and trying to determine, what she may be thinking. But whatever it was, her eyes were full of angst, anger.

The Switchblade LRR
Here is where it gets hairy. LRR can really be either good to you or really bad, I mean really bad. Ruthless and mean with words. Back then, maybe she thinks she's being funny, but man, I tell you, it really stung! The kind of sting that'll leave you thinking: do I stink? Am I a cold hearted SOB that should never be trusted? Am I the sort of person you wouldn’t trust to leave your bag with? Am I really that ugly inside and out? Maybe because I have dark skin, or too much of an Indio look. Do I look like a stalker?

Jokes are half meant and she may not know it, but subconsciously, she already sniped and hit you where you are weakest. There were days back at former office when she’d do this to me. That, made me visit Rey, the incredible barkeep, to concoct me his great hemlocks. Just to get that momentary buzz and forget that LRR said those things compiled with your usual work stress. Seriously!

I don’t know why she’d treat me as such nor if I deserve it. But there it is. I’m pretty sure that she has enough people surrounding her that she is confident enough to do that.

The switch here is she can be utterly friendly. Complete turnaround to her friends. She will listen intently. Really goes out of her way to help out. I’ve seen it happen and that’s the sort of thing I envy most.

The Stylish LRR
Shoes. It’s all in the shoes. My Grandfather and Dad always say, you can always tell a person by their shoes.

Suffice to say, she has lots and lots of shoes. All well kept. Then, we know she has a good sense of style and is well bred. Where else can you find a woman who looks good and feels comfortable in pants, jacket and heels? Very rarely.

The Sensual LRR
The lowdown juicy part of this write up. Here I go…

All you need to know is that she doesn’t sport a tattoo at the small of her back or her ankles. Nor does she wear an anklet. That observation should already be enough information for any man. Heck, she’s a woman, no one can ever understand them.

The Physical LRR
Her smile’s the killer. Anyone will melt when she smiles. Great hands. Not “knuckly”, nice fingernails. Her long legs look great with pants and stilettos. Oh yeah, the hair.

Although, she does sometimes makes faces: the long snout, the angry look, the inquisitive look, the overbite look… well you know the rest.

LRR,

My apologies if I don’t do you justice. You wanted this. But hell, it’s just me. I can’t lie to you. If I start to lie to you, slap me silly. It would only mean, I’m starting to court you. J. See how men lie? They start lying the moment they court a woman! Ask anyone. I’ll always be honest to you, no matter how much you hate what I say or stand for.

I am going to D***. Go down if you want. Getting pathetic asking you to join me. Sorry, am really just super stressed. Even my sentence construction is outta whack.

Lavyah,
Lanus Spato

Fierce

I've had this claim to being a vicious and fierce writer since high school. Essays, articles and headlines aren't intimidating at all. And now, answering ten thousand emails can be compared to a stroll along the beach.

Guess what? I've been stumped for the past hour or so. I've been staring into a blank piece of notepad with my only pen at hand. I've had blocks like this one before. Especially when under pressure during competitions. Nothing though prepared me to this day.

Why can't I freaking write a letter to a 4 year old kid somewhere in Isabela?

Yes, it's for my sponsored child. And no, I can't think of anything remarkable enough to tell a kid in nursery about. Sheesh~

Dreaming

2 hours later I'm still awake. The curse of the insomniacs.

Visionary

As I was preparing to head to bed I noticed the new envelope on top of our dining table. It was not there this morning when I got home. I checked it and indeed, it was for me.

I just received a letter from the mom of my sponsored child from WorldVision. She said that Cyra is now attending nursery and could write the ABCs and the single numerals. I'd have to admit, I felt the need to stay in the program the more.

Guys, it's almost Christmas, if you could spend hundreds on frivolous things, maybe you could spare P450/month for these kids monthly. Please take the time to check their website. You'd also see a lot of stalls with their logos around malls.

They could process your sponsorship within days. I just downloaded the form and emailed it back within the day. I received an email confirmation the following day and 4 days after I received my package.

Ace! Yung promise mo! Glenn, this month dapat makapag sign up ka na.

Part Three

There are still incessant people who kept on checking me though I've no idea who they are. I think some have even bookmarked me. Ugh~ Stay away stalker DOMs~!

Post My Secret

Seems like my "wants" ain't waning anytime soon. I want all the postsecret books.

The Secret Lives of Men and Women: A PostSecret Book

PostSecret: Extraordinary Confessions from Ordinary Lives

My Secret: A PostSecret Book (Postsecret)

It's Starting To Feel A Lot Like...

Awww...When I got in to work, the first thing I did while I was waiting for my apps to start was check P*yups. Guess what! I found my Haberdey Thread!!! :blush:

Here's what Herbert noted:

24 reasons why we need to celebrate labs' bday (Dec24)

1. p*yups adik sya (Honorary member na kaya ako!)

2. maganda ang signature nya... iba talaga ang technology ngayon (well opcors!)

3. dahil si labs ang labs ng p*yups. (ang hinde ako labs igagarote ni labtim ko!)

4. sikat si labs (ows? ito ang hinde ko alam)

5. mahaba pasensya ni labs (:spank:)

6. mabait si labs (amen! pero hinde na ako manlilibre sa berdey ko, isa akong poorita!)

7. mapagmahal si labs (kaya ko kayo labs)

8. sossy si labs (:tomato:)

9. mahilig sa coffee si labs (at mahilig din sa :zipit: bawal mag-react Aian and Drew!)

10. si labs ay laging nandyan sa p*yups. (dahil laging may internet)

11. si labs lang ang may alam ng alpha-male at beta-male. (si alpha male si :toot: at si Abel ang beta male)

12. madaling mahalin si labs... ilabas lang nya yung original signature nya. (hinde ko ibabalik!)

13. ibang level talaga ang reasoning power nya (at talaga lang ha!)

14. kapag makita mo sya, nakaka-starstruck. parang mapapalingon ka talaga dahil wala lang...(naubusan din ng masasabi!)

15. isang kapamilya sya! (?) (dahil sa kapamilya station ako lagi magdamag!)

16. mahilig makipagkulitan sa p*yups (si little girl yun at hinde ako)

17. mahal din sya ni Drew at ni Abel (aba, anjan din si Yuri ko, si Aian, si Mean, si Germs, si Acee at maraming marami pa.)

18. mahilig makipagharutan sa mga p*yups forumers na ang nick nagsisimula sa C. (ikaw ba to?)

19. Single sya ngayon (matagal na!)

20. Ate sya ng lahat (aray ko!)

21. masipag magpost (hinde na nga e)

22. sarap asarin (kase pikon ako! pikon!)

23. Iba talaga ang legs nya (iba nga, legs ng bding yun e :rotfl:)

24. at last nacompleto na rin... syempre Birthday nya sa 24... Merry Christmas na rin!

Then, when Jane came, she handed me a box from Boss. Huwaw! My first charm!!! Kait, naunahan ka!

After that I was on chat with someone who surprisingly told me something that I've wanting to hear someone else for a long time. The simple fact that someone noticed and paid attention is something big for me already. Hay, just when I was about to give up on Christmas...It started to feel like one.

Getting Better

Being insomniac ain't nice when you have 24 by 7 internet connection and countless consumer mags at home, it just literally spells trouble. I just got myself the latest issue of T3 before heading home this morning and now I've another set of things I'm drooling over.

MSI MEGABOOK S250-V (in Pearl White!!!) then there's the S450-X model which is dual core. The V model has 256MB RAM and Intel® Celeron® M 320 (1.30Ghz / 512Kb L2 Cache) while the X model has Intel® Core Duo Processor® (1.60 Ghz) and everything else is the same for a difference of 2K. Point is, it comes in Pearl White. *sob* I want one. Basic and white.









And then there's the LG Chocolate Phone in White. I know, it's chocolate in white but it's not white chocolate.

There's also the Palm Z22. Basic and white. Again. White. I could finally read all my e-books in storage. (mahal na pambasa ng ebook pero so what?!)


Dear Santa,

If I start believing in you again would you give these wonderful gifts? Hehe~

Break

I'm imposing an hour of mandatory break. I'm done with the staffing model last week (yes, it's late, bakit kaya?!), max seat, adjustments (for whatever booboo I did or special request left) and I've answered and read my 300+ emails. Pahinga muna, at gusto ko pala mag Tagalog.

Iniintay ko lang ang hirit ng kapatid ko tungkol sa dagdag na tuition. Una, sinabi na sa akin ng mama ko yun, pero inisip ko, kung wala pang official na announcement e bakit ako magbibigay ng dobleng cash sa kapatid ko? E estudyante din ako dati, uutakan pa ako nun pag nalaman niyang may extra cash na para sa kanya lang. So ayun, 7K. Period. Walang angal, walang extrang hingi. So I guess hinde natuloy.

Sa totoo lang, matagal ko nang hinihintay ang pagtaas ng tuition sa UP. Hello naman, magrereklamo ang mga tao sa malabasurang facilities e wala ngang budget. Nasan kamo ang budget para sa mga isko at iska? Hanapin mo, malamang nasa pork barrel, sa pambayad utang (na walang katapusan ata) at sa mga piling bulsa ng kurakot dyan.

Nagreklamo kelan lang sa amin ang isa naming boss na Kano dito. Ang laki daw ng tax ng foreigners. 30% ayun sa kanya. Ang laki din naman ng tax namin ah. Shet. Pag tinitignan ko ang ITR (tama ba?) ko parang nakakapanlambot na may 100K taun-taon ang napupunta sa tax. Minsan mahigit pa.

Nakakatawa nga e, ngayon kinakain ko na ang mga sinasabi ko nun. Dati kase halimbawa naiinis ako sa mga taong hinde marunong mag-tip sa cab driver. Shet, ngayon na ako na ang gumagastos para sa sarili ko, alam ko na ang hirap na katumbas ng bawat piso. Aray, ang bigat na ng P20 na tip. Matuwa na sila sa P5-10. Pag ungas yung driver sakto ibinibigay ko. Leche, nagta-trabaho ako ng marangal kaya wag ninyo akong huthutan ng pera. Pare-pareho lang tayo! Ayun na nga, kinain ko ang sinabi ko nun. Iba naman pala talaga pag ang pera mong ginagamit e galing sa magulang mo o kung sino man. Parang joke lang, parang ang daling ipamigay, ang daling gastusin. Hinde naman sa nangangaral pero sa totoo lang, mahirap bitawan ang perang pinaghirapan mo.

May isang bagong call center sa tabi tabi namin kung saan karamihan ng mga tenured "people" namin ay lumilipat. Nagulat ang mga tao nung nalaman nilang may balak silang magtayo ng bagong site, e samantalang hinde pa nga fully operational ang current site nila, mas nakakagulat na ang dami nang hired na tao pero hinde pa nagsisimula ang operations. Bayad sila ng walang trabaho? Huwaw, mayaman! Onga, mayaman. Kase ang may-ari ay isang publishing house ng mga text book dito sa bansa. Magkano ang kinikita nila taun-taon tuwing pasukan? Magkano lang ang puhunan para sa textbooks? Mayaman talaga.

Speaking of textbooks, naalala ko nanaman na hinde na planet and Pluto. Hay, daming textbooks ang wala nang kwenta, hinde na updated. E kung tutuusin nga, walang kwenta textbooks nun talaga. Bakit nga ba kame gumagastos ng mahigit dalawang libo bawat taon para lang sa aking textbooks nun? Private school daw kase, required na bumili sa school, hinde pwede yun recycled na edition. Ang style ng schools at ng publishing house na kakontrata ng schools, taon-taon papalitan ang cover at kunwari papalitan ng edition para hinde ka pwedeng manghiram sa ate mo or kapitbahay mo. Madaya! Tapos ngayon na naglilinis kame ng bahay at pinacheck sa akin ng nanay ko kung anong ok iiwan na textbook, wala akong mapili. Sabi ko pamigay na lahat. Walang kwenta. Hello, textbook sa PE? Ni hinde ko nabuksan ang textbook na to simula...err...grade 4? Per ano, taon-taon bibili ako, bibili sister, bibili brother ko. Pag binuksan mo pare-parehong hinde gamit. Kahit anong pilit ko sa mga kapatid ko na i-recycle yung libro ko ayaw naman kase unfair daw na sa akin bago, sa kanila gamit ko na (kahit hinde halata). Gets ko naman, pero ngayon sobrang nasasayangan ako.

Gusto ko na magpalipat ng department. Wala lang. Bigla akong nawalan ng gana sa ginagawa ko. Parang joke nalang work ko e. Sabi ko nga sa isa kong batchmate here, minsan ang lungkot isipin na iiwan ko ang account ko, sympre, andun ako simula nagsimula lahat. Parang anak ko na to e, kahit hinde nila ma appreciate ginagawa ko ok lang.

Ayaw ko talaga manood ng news, minsan natataon na pag kumakain ako ng dinner e nanonood ng news ang lola ko. Nakaka-depress pa rin. Hinde ko kaya. Ang hirap maging apathetic kung apektado. Paano ka nga magiging apathetic kung apektado e noh.

Anyways, ako yun, apektado.

Fickleness?

Is this supposed to make me feel better? I'm heavily drugged at the moment and it ain't making sense.

No More Shopping For Me

I shouldn't be allowed to shop around alone. With all these fab things I found over the net I'm sure I'd have a hard time ignoring the things that I'd see once out. Good thing I'm immobile with pain. Mwahaha~ Ouchie.

Baby Phat Ohmycat bronze evening footwear.
(Bling bling for my feet.)










Sorelli bracelet
(bringing the bling-bling to a different level me thinks)










Topshop Jacket
(I wish they have a white one though, I dunno why but I'd love a white one)














Michael Kors (Spring 2007)
(The perfect LBD for me!~ This would actually look good with the Baby Phat shoes and the Sorelli bracelet I have on top. See, I'm just doing this online and I've an entire set ready except for the jacket which unfortunately is something casual.)

Sunscreen

I have to admit, whenever I hear Baz Luhrman's sunscreen I get this heady feeling as if I'm being hypnotized. I can't even remember the words. Then again, in and out of my mindless soiree I'd hear a bit or two that would stick for days, until after months I'd realize I heard the entire song after all. It's the last song I could remember yesterday afternoon as I tried to sleep my migraine off.

aka the Suncreen Song

Ladies and gentlemen of the class of ‘97:

Wear sunscreen.

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they’ve faded. But trust me, in 20 years, you’ll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine.

Don’t worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4 p.m. on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing every day that scares you.

Sing.

Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts. Don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Floss.

Don’t waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind. The race is long and, in the end, it’s only with yourself.

Remember compliments you receive. Forget the insults. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters. Throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch.

Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don’t.

Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees. You’ll miss them when they’re gone.

Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t. Maybe you’ll have children, maybe you won’t. Maybe you’ll divorce at 40, maybe you’ll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either. Your choices are half chance. So are everybody else’s.

Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can. Don’t be afraid of it or of what other people think of it. It’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever own.

Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but your living room.

Read the directions, even if you don’t follow them.

Do not read beauty magazines. They will only make you feel ugly.

Get to know your parents. You never know when they’ll be gone for good. Be nice to your siblings. They’re your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people who knew you when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard. Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft. Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths: Prices will rise. Politicians will philander. You, too, will get old. And when you do, you’ll fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Don’t expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund. Maybe you’ll have a wealthy spouse. But you never know when either one might run out.

Don’t mess too much with your hair or by the time you’re 40 it will look 85.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it’s worth.

But trust me on the sunscreen.

My Migraine

I absolutely can't find any reason why I should get migraine attacks on a weekly basis. Well, it's still less than the daily dose I used to get when I was in my teens. It's been proven though that migraine attacks tends to get less as one grows older and heck I'm older then why the hell am I still in pain?!~*&*$^

I've tried sleeping, medicines, head massages, humming, meditation...ewan.

I've a party to attend to. I gotta get rid of this fast...which I think is a wishful thinking since my attacks lasts a loooooong time. Oh please...

New Clothes

It's the season of shopping, so instead of me buying clothes for myself I decided to give my blog a new look. Yes, I change skins more than I chance the color of my nail polish. Ain't it cute? I had the inspiration when I was checking out Havaianas' webby. Great designs there. Badtrip cause I never learned vector art or anything close to that. Grrrr~ Then again, good 'ol photoshop still works for me.

Being Super Woman ain't a new concept for me. Meeting Super Mom ain't a mysterious entity in my head. And being with the Bitch Goddess has never posed a problem though the idea of it is just way surreal.

I just went through an article, Secret lives of breadwinner wives, and that made me twitch a muscle or two unknowingly. You know, they're right, it's hard. You're the breadwinner, you head home then you do the washing, the cleaning and you provide the ever so dependable emotional pillar of everyone else in the family.

And then there's the fact that I'm not even married. Why the hell am I agreeing!?

Charming

Got myself a charm bracelet with no charms. Guys, y'know what to get for my birthday right? *wink-wink*

And I've a new stalker here. Freaky talaga! No backreading kase pare. Nyuknyuknyuk~

Ryan's always unavailable these past few months. Has it been months? And Dylan's been...err...a lot..."hormonal" lately. And Janrey's just plain gone.

Hay, sana 1999 nalang uli. Let me quote myself, "I wish it's 1999 again, that's when I met myself." Drama!

Saying Goodbye

I think I need to leave this place. SOON.

Anniversary

It was Penny's birthday yesterday and the account celebrated it's second anniversary. I'm getting old here. Hmm....thinking...they could do without me.

Test Me

With everything that's been happening. All the indecisions, the false claims, the personal indifference and most of all the loss of professional respect, I've been thinking of my game play. Then I'd catch myself, "Do I even have to play the game that they want?"

Hard work, sleepless days that extends to weeks, hormonal imbalance and freaky gossips I can endure as I've long proven...but losing respect for the people I work with? I'm about to toss my jersey aside. I hate leaving at the middle of my pitch, but throwing the bat off the ground may be a better option than staying and playing the game for someone else.

Sometimes I ask God why he keeps me here. Maybe to test me?

Change Playlist

Hernan bailed out from our Galera plans. Next year nalang because obviously it's no fun going there just with Rei. Heck, we're cool fries but we can't swing the entire experience with just each other in tow.

With the beach out of my head I better change my iPod playlist. Ugh~ I'm done with all my techno and remix and the gangsta cooley that BJ has been listening to. Heck, I missed BJ all of a sudden. Yeah, I remember all the lazy afternoons we'd spend with Holy Kettle Corn and all those junk that ministop has to offer while dancing to all his hiphop remixes. Freaky but I got to memorize all those rap crap. Well, I started to like 'em afterwards.

Christmas party on Saturday! Woohoo~

Now, now...why am I filling my playlist with senti songs all of a sudden? Haha~ Shees, the season's starting to get to me.

Ohhh, I just realized. No Galera means extra money! I could get that bag I've been lusting after. And that goddamn jacket. Whew! Selfish mode on. Wala pa akong nabibiling gifts for everyone!

I could also afford to go out this weekend. Randell was asking me if we could have coffee, I texted Ryan but he's no use during the weekend. Maybe Sunday? I'd have to get back with them. Also Dylan's been, errr, making lambing lately. Bored na malamang. I miss Janrey. And Mikey. Then there's Pao and BJ. I miss Mon. I miss the guys. I miss Huggy. I miss a lotta people. Sheesh~ Senti mode na.

Sad

And I thought everyone was ready for Reming. Ugh~ I saw the news. Sad.

Reyes Day

I don't spend much time with my extended family as I used to. Last time I went to Pampanga was...err...a year and a half ago? Sheesh~


I got to see almost everyone yesterday though, 'special' occassions are great excuses to make contact. Heehaw~ The moment everyone stepped inside Santuario de San Jose, I heard a collective gush even when the bridal procession has already started. They think I was an apparition of some sorts. Heck, if I'd appear anywhere, I don't think it'll be in a church, but appear I did with my 3 month old highlights (that no one has seen before) and curled hair.


Honestly, I love weddings. Makes me grin-ny the entire day. I hate the fact though that my cousin's getting married. Blech. Everyone was about to cry. Sheesh~ I hate crying with my cousins, we look like a sorry lot. A dozen girls all snotty and heaving? Hahaha~ Not such a good image. Yeah, we cried. Then, the questions started. "When are you getting married, Hanne?" >,<


When?! Can we just all face the altar and start praying for that day?


Honestly, I was dreading that moment. And that moment came every 5 minutes or so. Why won't they stop asking? Well, I know. I'm next in line. And just like one of my Ate, they think I've no plans of getting married.


Well, almost right. Almost. Another thing they won't stop rubbing at me was the fact that I've been nowhere to be found the past year or so. Every time one of our pamangkins would drop by they'd go like, "You don't know blah-blahs daughter because you're always absent" or when something new comes up and it's apparent I've no clue about it they'd be like, "Hinde mo alam kase absent ka." I owe them I know. I owe my lola the most. Awwww...She was the first one I seeked out in the crowd and I held her the longest.


Until the next wedding then? Who knows, baka makahabol pa ako. Asa~

Random Mornings

It might seem that I've been ranting about Reming just because my vaca was canceled because of it. I was actually somewhat glad it did not passed by Metro Manila at the same time I was glad that most cities in Batangas were ready for it as it showed in the news. A lot of people have been evacuated early on. Which was good. Though, I'm not so sure about Bicol and Mindoro. I heard they had no power yesterday morning while I was watching the early news.

A day prior to Reming's landfall I actually saw some ABS-CBN workmen cutting down trees around the perimeter of the building. It's nice to see people taking precautions more seriously nowadays. I'm really hoping though that the country won't get battered by super typhoons anytime soon. Sana merry na ang Christmas season, kahit hinde ko feel ang Pasko. Weird na talaga.

Hating Reming

Hernan, Rei and I planned for a month just so we'd all be able to head to Galera this weekend. Off-peak rates baby! Of course we all need a break too.

Well, Reming just swept the entire plan off of the planet as she threatened Batangas and Mindoro early Friday morning. As planned, we we're supposed to head out to the Batangas Pier early morning Friday. Wek. So our weekend was ruined and we had to drag our sorry asses to Gateway instead. We dined al fresco at Italianni's and every single time the wind would blow our way we'd go cursing, "This is Reming's fault! We should be having dinner at the beach now!" We went to watch Happy Feet afterwards then we had our regular Starbucks staple. With every single sip we would swear at the unhappy storm that passed by the country. "If not for the freakin storm we'd be at Galera with beer at hand not fraps!"

Then we all went home. I was home a few minutes BEFORE midnight. That's a bit freakish! As Hernan had noted, "we're like old ladies" having coffee and heading home early. Hay!~

Then again...As we were running around doing our shopping we caught ourselves thinking. What if we reschedule next week? With that Hernan placed the shoes he's been planning on buying back on the rack even when Lacoste and Adidas were on sale. And I placed the Girbaud bag (oh my! it dropped from 2k to 1.3K) and the Mango jacket back. We're heading to Galera next week. If another storm comes up then, maybe we're really not meant to go but it won't hurt to try again.