Got A Bug Under My Feet

Here I go again. I've got a bug under me and I can't stop hopping and stomping. Something is wrong and I can't seem to step on it. Where the heck is that bug? I know it's under me, but I'm still moving sideways, a step here, a step there, grind, hop and stomp once more.

People are moving around, shifting. I feel unmoved though. Left out. Watching. Apart and apathetic to the chaotic rush to move out. Me, I'm just here. I can't decide if I'm to move with them and let them carry me in their rush or I'm to stand my ground and just wave them goodbye by the end of the day. I'm not only torn, I'm not even trying to come up with any decision.

Almost December

It's almost my birthday! And I got this really nice site...http://www.paulsadowski.com/birthday.asp

Check this...

You entered: 12/24/1981

Your date of conception was on or about 2 April 1981.

You were born on a Thursdayunder the astrological sign Capricorn.Your Life path number is 1.

Life Path 1:

The Life Path 1 drive in this life is characterized by individualist desires, independence, and the need for personal attainment. The purpose to be fulfilled on this Life Path is that of becoming independent. This is a two part learning process; first, you must learn to stand on your own two feet and learn not to depend on others. After you are indeed free and independent, you must learn to be a leader. Many of our Generals, corporate leaders, and political leaders are men and women having the Life Path number 1. The 1 always has the potential for greatness as a leader, but they may fail as a follower. Many 1's spend most of their lives shaking off their dependent side. When this happens, there is little time left for enjoying the rewards to be gained through independence. The individual with Life Path 1 has to overcome an environment in which it is very easy to be dependent, and difficult to be independent.

A person with positive 1 traits abounds in creative inspiration, and possesses the enthusiasm and drive to accomplish a great deal. Your drive and potential for action comes directly from the enormous depth of strength you have. This is both the physical and inner varieties of strength. With this strength comes utter determination and the capability to lead. As a natural leader you have a flair for taking charge of any situation. Highly original, you may have talents as an inventor or innovator of some sort. In any work that you choose, your independent attitude can show through. You have very strong personal needs and desires, and you feel it is always necessary to follow your own convictions. You are ambitious, and either understand or must learn the need for aggressive action to promote yourself. Although you may hide the fact for social reasons, you are highly self-centered and demand to have your way in most circumstances.

When the 1 Life Path person is not fully developed and expressing the negative side of this number, the demeanor may appear very dependent rather than independent. If you are expressing this negative trait of the number 1, you are likely to be very dissatisfied with your circumstances, and long for self-sufficiency. This is defined as the weak or dependent side of the negative 1 Life Path. On the strong side of this negative curve, the 1 energy can become too self-serving, selfish and egotistical. Over-confidence and impatience mark this individual.

The Julian calendar date of your birth is 2444962.5.

The year 1981 was not a leap year

As of 9/29/2005 6:49:55 PM CDT

You are 23 years old.

You are 285 months old.You are 1,240 weeks old.You are 8,680 days old.You are 208,338 hours old.You are 12,500,329 minutes old.You are 750,019,795 seconds old.

There are 86 days till your next birthdayon which your cake will have 24 candles on it.

Those 24 candles produce 24 BTU's,or 6,048 calories of heat (that's only 6.0480 food Calories!) You can boil 2.74 US ounces of water with that many candles.

Your birthstone is Blue Zircon .

The Mystical properties of Blue Zircon
Zircon helps one be more at peace with oneself.

Blue Topaz, Ruby, Lapis Lazuli.

Your birth tree is Apple Tree, the Love

Of slight build, lots of charm, appeal and attraction, pleasant aura, flirtatious, adventurous, sensitive, always in love, wants to love and be loved, faithful and tender partner, very generous, scientific talents, lives for today, a carefree philosopher with imagination.

The moon's phase on the day you wereborn was waning crescent.

Thursday, December 24, 1981
Moon's age (days): 27

Distance (Earth radii): 63.76

Percent Illumination 3.54%

Ecliptic latitude (degrees): 3.47

Ecliptic longitude (degrees): 250.92

Weird

Everything's a bit confusing these past few days. Yuri would definitely agree with me on that. What I can't seem to udnerstand is why everyone's acting all weird all at the same time. Is it the moon or something with the season? I've no idea. really.

Holidays

I realized a while ago that Christmas is just around the corner. Been weeks since I first heard carols playing...And the thought makes me sad. Somehow, I still feel that there are a lot of things that I'm missing on. A lot of things that makes my life lonelier by the second.

Really, I'm tryin not to dwell on these things. I know for a fact that moaning over them won't do me any good. Once in a while though I feel that I need to let go. I think too much. I have to learn how to NOT think and just feel...and do...

For a few years I was able to capture the excitement that I used to feel during the holidays. The Christmas shopping lists, the gifts, the food...everything else about the Holidays made me tingle with excitement. Then one day, I lost everything. It's like growing up all over again. This time though it didn't happen in a series of years but in one single jolt. There I was all of a sudden, sad and afraid. Not wanting for Christmas to come and once there hoping that it passes by as fast as possible.

I really can't tell why I feel this way...Maybe because the loneliness that I feel, that tugging feeling that I learned to hide during regular days, is magnified during the Holidays, when everything's supposed to be merry and bright.

Short Ode

For the first time in weeks I got to catch the news. I would usually see the teleseryes that my lola's watching every night before my shift. But tonight was different, it was the weekend news that I saw, and it broke my heart to see all the things I saw.

I wish for the time when everything was simple. A time when the news was something that was on TV for the boring adults to watch. When oil prices and hurricanes are something that we report in class for the SIbika at Kultura immersions. A time when I don't get frustrated with haughty politicians and when the peso exchange rate won't cause me any kind of alarm. What's happening to the world? To the country? To my Philippines? Why don't I want to know the real answer?

Nothing Really

I've nothing to write about anymore. I've lost my mojo. Heehee~ Not really. I'm just in no mood lately, more appropriately, nothing really fabulous happened the last few days that's worth noting about here. I've been hooked on my PC though for the better part of the week and have been losing sleep over that. No, I don't have a new thing-a-ma-bob attached to my PC, heck, I don't even have internet access, but I was able to reinstall SIMS 2 and I can't stop playing it. Ahhh, the power like that of a god on Olympus.

Work has been kinda on the low-down side. Nothing big, nothing nerve wracking, nothing out of the ordinary. Though I've to rethink about using the term "ordinary" in reference to MY work. We're supposed to "predict" things but believe me, nothing IS predictable. At all.

Haven't been out lately. The last time I was out was when we had dinner last weekend. Even coffee dates are not on my list lately. Just having my alone time, I guess. Once in a while you'd just get this tug within you and you feel you just want to be alone for sometime. Thing's will look up soon hopefully, I'm not the type who can stand being alone that long, I'd lose my head. I'm way too locko to be locked up with no one but my own person. That's plain torture.

My ATM's busted. Heck, I know I'm gonna get so little (with all the absences and half days...and NO OTs) and now I can't even get any? Ouch. I now have a very expensive WALLET. Hay.

My Cure for PMS

I've been feeling kinda down lately for various reasons...all I think is hormonal by nature. The past few days I've been feeling quite sluggish, everything is way too heavy. My eyelids, my feet, my head, my spirit even. I've got tons of pimples on my face (I don't get outbreaks!). I've no sleep. My tummy's always acting up. Generally, I just feel like everything is againts me.

Then Saturday came. I had dinner with Ryan, Randell and Sir Nonoy. I gotta say, I wasn't really up to it that time. Had been sleepless since Thursday (because we - Sister, BJ and Iska- had lunch at Snackaroo) and I'm not in the mood to wake up 4 hours earlier than usual. When I saw 'em though the laughter bagan. Imagine laughing for hours! ANd that's what we did. T'was worth it, even when I had to pay for half of the bill...And, I even got a treat after, I saw Leslie-pot afterwards...Happiness.

Untitled

I saw Rockstar INXS this morning after my shift. I'm so glad about the final three. It'll be a tight competition. I like Suzie, but yeah, I don't think she's for INXS. No doubt though she'd manage to nab a solo career if she wants to.

It's so darn cold here at the new RTA station. So darn cold. Like Alaska. Not that I've been there.

I'm missing a lot of people lately, been under so much stress I just want to unwind with friends. Too bad our plans (Abel, Yuri and I) tends to end up down the drain. This weekend maybe? What do you think guys? This weekend?

Okay, so Jane just asked me if I was a handful when I was still with Ex. I said I am. Now, she's asking us, ex and me, to elaborate. C'mon!!!! That's like one of the hardest thing to answer, I already said sorry for that...heehee~

Mister Illicit

As I was having coffee with my friend yesterday morning at Bucky's, I realized that I met quite a handful of my closest friends from the net. Several of them can even claim the title "close friend" just like David.

Then I also realized (after talking about Ernee and how we talked about online stalkers) that I've had my fair share of illicit offers because of the net as well. I know people have the tendency to be more upfront because the net offers a certain amount of anonimity, but hey, how can they be sure that I'm even who I claim to be? Heehee~ Well, as always though, whether you use the net or ask me personally, the answer will be a resounding NO...Unless...

Here's are some of the things that I received. Too bad I erased the various messages I got from Friendster. I erased the names (albeit being just online usernames just to protect them if ever someone knows 'em personally, we'd never know...)

And here's my all time favorite! He only needs to tell me his parent's names and we'd be like best buds already...Nah! But ain't it funny?

Love Personality

Another one of the Tickle tests I so love to do while chillin' (and I'm literally chillin" it's so damn cold here!)

The Love Personality Test

Similar to the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator®

Hanne, your love personality type is ENTJ

About 3-5% of the U.S. population possesses the combination of traits that make up this personality type.Being an ENTJ means that you've got a bit of a rebellious streak in you. So rather than being the kind who follows, you'll usually choose to lead the pack. You also appear to love a challenge more than most others do. So if somebody wants something done, all they have to do is tell you that it's impossible. You're apt to show them then and there how you can make it happen. You're not one to be easily discouraged in any aspect of your life. So if someone catches your eye, you'll likely find a way to get to know them come hell or high water. You're not just a dreamer. You're a doer.In relationships, you usually have a clear sense of where you want things to lead. You also know how to take charge of a situation to help things go your way. You can exude a personal strength and confidence that really wins people over. Your friendly, outgoing nature also makes most people quite happy to follow your lead. Perhaps they're empowered or inspired by your self-esteem and can-do thinking.

Moments

There are moments that makes me feel as if everything is perfect. Not perfect in its purest sense but perfectly fine for that particular moment. Perfect.

I'm having that moment now...

Seated quietly at my station.

Loving what I do. Lving my work.

Listening to nice music.

The cold air filling my lungs, awakening me.

My fingers frozen.

A friend on chat.

Plans for the weekend.

Family get together by the morrow.

Chips at hand. *yum pringles cheezums*

Me not having any ill feelings towards anyone.

Me being in love.

Me knowing what I want....more importantly, how I'm gonna get it.

Just me.

Killing Time

I was able to sleep for only 4 hours this afternoon. Then I went straight to work. I'm supposed to be excited because after so long a wait, we are finally being migrated to the 7th floor. But I was not a bit excited today when I got in, why? because the RTAs are still situated on agent stations. Oh well, what can I say...

Huggy and I have been constantly chatting for the past few days. Well, my huggy bear needs me, can I say no to that? Of course I can't. T'was funny though, 'cause when he asked me how I was, after the long lamentations about his love life, I found myself answering with all honesty. "Nothing much. I went out with my college friends last weekend, I'm not seeing anyone, I'm not dating anyone, I'm not interested in anyone and the only person I'm interested in is also the only perosn I'm trying to ignore for my own sake." And huggy laughed at that...heehee~ Honesty, however brutal, can actually make us laugh...

I'm freezing here at my station. About a quarter of reps are left here on the 6th floor and everyone else is upstairs alreasy. Also, most computers have already been transferred, making the 6th floor a lot colder today. Not enough heat generated here. Ugh! Freezing...

Last weekend I was told that I've failed all of my quizzes miserably. You know, the type of quiz that life decides to give you to see if you've learned your lesson or not. Apparently I haven't learned anything. I failed then. I'm failing until now. Still hoping that a particular someone, due to some unexplainable reason, would end up here with me. Hay, dream on!

Me, Myself and I

I'm myself's biggest disappointment. I was made not to accept things but to fight and make things bend on my way. I was made not to endure but to pursue further. I was made not to watch but to understand.

And things aren't always understandable. Not everything is conquerable. Not all fights are to be pursued. And so...I wither with disappointment.

Date Speak

Date Speak? Well, I was not doing anything during my shift, it is Sunday night after all...Now, a particular guy just sent me a message and well, made me think of how it was like dating him...Heehee~ Then I saw all these pictures from tickle.com...

Then there are the replies...

Who would've thought that we need more than simple comprehension to date around eh?

Gray

Last night, I took another walk along my old beaten purple path. Resurrecting old actors, pointing the spotlight from one old face to the next. I saw myself then more clearly. Or maybe I thought I did. All I knew is that some revelations are just to bitter to swallow. And some should remain unknown. What I didn't know is why I asked the question? I'll be lying if I pretend that I NEVER wanted to ask 'em on the first place. Curiosity, as always, killed the cat. And that cat was me, no need to spell that out.

Nostalgia is an even harder pill to swallow than the unknown. Bitter melancholy. Great moments turned into sad memories. What's there to write about? What's left to be explained? None I guess. But still I HAD to ask. Clamp my mouth shut will yah?

Something is definitely wrong with my hands...my fingers...the entire structure, the muscles that make the system move and the brain that controls the entire thing. Too much grip there. Too hard a grip. Too much of everything, as always. I told him I'm too much of everything. He told me I'm absolutely balanced, but things can't always be balanced, something's are meant to end up on top. Up or down. Left or right. Yes or no. I'm the biggest gray area there is. I'm entirely made of gray.

The Verdict

And so I waited for 3 hours for the salon downstairs to open up...I was then ushered immediately to be shampooed...To make things short, I got my trim, and while the guy was blowdrying my hair, he said something that made me exhume flames...

From there I announced, "I'll have the hair spa treatment now." He lloked at me, stopped the blower and said, "shampoo kita uli ma'am."

I stayed in the salon for 3 hours...Lovely since I've got a free massage and my hair looked fab by the time I headed towards the door, a coupla hundred poorer. Hay...I looked great for the next few hours.

Met up with Sister, partner and Iska at Trellis...Then the 4 of us headed to Mang Jimmy's...Had sooooo much fun. Missed 'em so much.

I was able to head home past 3 already and sleep around 5pm...Had a looooonnnnngggg day.

I Don't Like To Have My Hair Cut

I don't like to get my hair cut. It takes so much of my time. I just don't like it. I'd rather sleep than be at the salon for hours, my time after all is precious. Heehee~

Take this, to have your hair shampooed and your scalp massaged would take around a quarter to half an hour of your time already. That is, if you're one of the lucky people who manages to have your reservations well ahead of time (which unfortunately is something that I don't have a time to do). Then they'd towel dry your hair for another good 10 minutes or so, then someone would comb it, and I'm not saying that it'll be a gentle combing action but a hard neck snappin one most of the time.

Then you'd have to wait for the stylist. In my case I always pick the senior stylist, just to be on the safe side (I did say I rarely get my hair done right? So why risk it when I'll ahve the "do" for a good 6 months or more). If the senior stylist is available, then good, she can start immediately. If not, well, you'd have to wait for her to be done with the other customer.

The cut itself would usually take around 20-45 minutes for me, depending on the length that needs to be chopped off. Then afterwards, you'd be passed back to that hairdryer girl who almost snapped your neck while doing the inital combing and brushing process after the shampooing time. Still with me? You'd then get your hair dried so the "style" would show up and you'd end up looking fab. This, for me, takes more than 45 minnutes since my hair is really, really thick. By the end of that time, it feels like my scalp was scalded with steam ans is red all over because of all the brushing and the pulling that the rest of my hair's about to fall off of it's follicles.

After the initial blowdrying session, the stylist would then come back to clip the final touch to my new "do" and this would take approximately another half an hour. Snip here, snip there, tilt yah head back, tilt yah head over here, tilt it there, look up, look down, check this, check that...Ohhh....by this time my butt is usually back to its restless self.

Then, after the "final" snips and clips, you'd be given back to the blow drying lady for the final look. And yes, my hair would end up looking fabulous. Then the next day after your regular shower, everything would end up all askewed and wrong, fly away, uncontrollable. Blech!

And so, I therefore conclude, I hate to have my hair cut.

Right or Wrong

It's so hard sometimes to determine what one should do.

Should I do the right thing? Or should I do what I feel is good? Most of the time, they're one and the same, but there are instances that like everything else, would bring a very obvious exception from all the rules and you'd find yourself in yet another crossroad.

What I'm trying to say here is that sometimes what we want isn't necessarily the right thing. And sometimes we are asked to choose between what we want and what needs to be done.

If you'd ask me, follow that thing that would make you happy. Whether it be right or wrong. After all, you'd be able to justify that just because...

...just because it made you happy...

Nothing In Particular

I've nothing in particular to say or write about. I just felt like I needed to write something. Hek, my head's messed up that's all.

Lately, I've been giving myself and the changes that I went through much thought. Well, you guys know how much I love to over anlyze everything. Well, I'm analyzing myself lately. Hehee! Not that I'm having a grand time, mind you, it's confusing me! But I like what I'm learning.

Also, I've been having this really bad feeling about someone. Well, I knew he was like that from the start, it's just that when the facts come from another person and that person shows genuine concern you'd feel like you're letting them down because I'm doing the same things they're asking me NOT to do. Ewan! Basta, I fell so bad...but still...ugh!