See Me

There's a somebody I'm longing to see

I hope that she turns out to be

Someone to watch over me

I'm a little lamb who's lost in the wood

I know I could always be good

To one who'll watch over me

Insanely I said no to all of your queries, I just want to be left alone. I am not interested in the dream you want to share with nor am I willing to take part. I am not a monster for telling you off, rather I just want you to look further, beyond where I stand and maybe you'd see the one whom you've always wanted. A love given freely is wonderful but love that can't be returned is just wrong and unfair. I can not and will not force myself to love you, and that you should accept. Please listen and believe me when I say NO.

Some day, when I'm awfully low,
When the world is cold,
I will feel a glow just thinking of you...
And the way you look tonight.

The tiny hairs at the back of my neck would rise with every look you'd push my way. Your glance would smother me with inifnite heat. I feel like Icarus who'd turn into ashes as you come closer. And your passion consumes me to my soul. Alas, you're all that and more, but not enough. I seek more than what you can give, I seek more than the physical and the mental. I seek not you, but someone else. However tempting it is to stay within the casts of your smoldering eyes, I have to leave and bid you goodbye.

I'm coming out of makeup, The light's already burning;

Not long until the cameras will start turning.

And the early morning madness,

And the magic in the making,

Yes, everthing's as if we never said goodbye

I wish for the familiar, the soul that I saw long before I knew who it was. I long for someone who can see past my skin and who could undress me with a single look of knowing. I wish for someone who'd see and appreciate my bareness when all that's left is me and the skeleton of the person that I know is me. I wish fot that person who was with me even before everything started to be.

Heaven I'm in heaven
And my heart beats so that I can hardly speak
And I seem to find the happiness I seek
When we're out together dancing cheek to cheek

me: you're just not that into me...and that's fine
you: no...
you: i just don't want to hurt you...
you: i want you, but don't wanna ruin you...
you: us..
me: and you can't ruin something that you're not holding huh?
me: i understand perfectly. only thing that i can't explain is why we're still around each other.
you: let's just say i'm buying time...
you: because like i said...
you: i want you...

and this is how it'll be for as long as it takes...and time is something we both don't have...now or tomorrow

I Need No Superman

I got this from P*yups.com. An excerpt from Women are from Venus, Supermen are from Krypton contributed by pusa .

"It does men injustice to speak of them objectively, for as you would have figured out, nothing is absolute in the secret lives of men. As I have said, I would refrain from talking about things I know nothing about like love, relationships, or why men are like that. I provide answers, not explanations. You see men as big hairy beings that would lie, steal, cheat, and break your heart as soon as you gave them the chance, and probably you’re right, but we’re also good for hunting and opening jar lids and…stuff. Bottom line? Chasing supermen is nigh impossible without a handful of kryptonite shards. Settling down with a less-than perfect earthman is not so bad, once you see his special silver lining. In Freudian sense, the best way to go is with a man who keeps his id, ego, and superego under control and on near equal points. In layman's terms, despite their visible and possibly biological flaws, you cannot go wrong with someone who respects your privacy, someone who treats all women equal but treats his woman like a queen, someone who would listen to both sides of stories, someone who recycles paper or uses unleaded gas, or at least someone that makes you smile. But if you're still wishing to bag that perfect, dreamy, prince charming, if you don't have a pair of glass slippers, a posse of dancing mice, and one kick-ass fairy godmother, I say good luck to you."

Now, since he puts it that way, I want no Superman either. A regular guy would do just fine.

Dialogue

If I can ask you one question, I'd have a very difficult time. In wanting to know one special secret I would just be torn into two. One wanting to know where my place is in this web of souls that you've so finely created and the other wanting to be oblivious and be able to experience life as it should be experienced.

I found myself thinking unfair thoughts. Unfair because I have been wanting to ask you for a solid assurance. I wanted to give you a pen and have you sign a paper which states that you would guarantee my happiness. That as long as I go through all the things that you've decided to send my way, you'd give me THAT happiness that I've been wanting. How unfair can I get? You tell me. In this life, and I've learned this from the very beginning, there's just no guarantee. For anything, even for my happiness, especially for my happiness.

Countless a times I have been privy to things that I should not know. And it broke my heart to know that it's so near yet still unattainable. I can almost feel it but not quite. Now, I know why I am not to know.

Understanding though does not and would never translate to feeling it as well. I know what I gotta do, but I my heart lies somewhere else. That somewhere else tells me that I should do something which is againts the tides that you've set me down on. I sometimes ask, if you made me a promise of peace and eternal happiness as long as I follow your lead, but told me that I am in command of my life, will I be the good follower that you want me to be or the rascal sailor who answers to no one?

Free will is a double edge sword that you gave me. Now I am torn and now I am lost. Like a person drowning I feel like two different beings. The body just wanting to give up and willing the current to pull it as it may want to and the soul willing the body to fight and forbid the sea from claiming him entirely. However strong may be though, the body's got its own limitations, subject to the laws of this world, and so do I.

I am back to where I started. I still want to ask for the assurance and yet I still want to experience everything as it should be. I am still the sailor who follows his captain and the rascal who wishes to sail for himself. I am still the drowning man who chokes on his own tears more than he chokes from the saltwater. I am me, a stranger and friend.

Maybe the question I should ask you should simply be, who do you want me to be?

Naughty Me

Maybe I should wear this while I'm dancin to Beyonce's Naughty Girl. Then maybe I can finally do that striptease I've been wanting.

Feeling What?

Tumatakbo (4:14)
Artist: MOJOFLY
Composer: Lougee Basabas
Arranger & Producer: Rizal Jose A. Gurango


laging bigo
laging sawi sa pag-ibig
minamalas, o kay sakit
may balat nga ba ako sa pwet?

mabuti pa
ang tindera sa aming kanto
nakakainggit TL ang sweet nila
ng kanyang nobyo

gusto ko lang maranasang umibig
tamaan ni kupido
gusto ko lang maranasan ang langit
tumibok muli ang puso ko

tumatakbo ang oras
naiiwan na ako ng panahon
di na nagbago bawa't araw
pare-pareho parang kahapon
tumatakbo ang oras

may birthday cake ka nga
ngunit wala namang kandila
may christmas tree na malupet
wala naman dekorasyong pansabit
sadyang ganyan ang aking buhay
walang kasing tamlay
ayoko sanang tumandang nag-iisa

tumatakbo ang oras
naiiwan na ako ng panahon
di na nagbago bawa't araw
pare-pareho parang kahapon
tumatakbo ang oras

tatanggapin na lang ba ang malupit na tadhana o kaya'y
tatanggapin na lang ba na ako'y sadyang hindi pinagpala
tigilan na ang drama, punasan na ang luha

tumatakbo ang oras
naiiwan na ako ng panahon
di na nagbago bawa't araw
pare-pareho parang kahapon
tumatakbo ang oras

***Hanne's feeling lost. (Looking for something but she can't figure out what thst something is.)

Tap-Tapping

I told myself I'm gonna live the "better" life after my hard partying last year. Heck, it was kinda lame if you'd compare it what my friends at work are doin' but they're pretty hardcore compared to my college buddies, so there, I still think it was way too much. Even sister agrees, what we did last year was just soooooo hard pressed that we're killing ourselves for the sheer fun of it.

Once in while though I still do it. Not too much fun though, but I spread myself thin. I actually miss it. Being able to go around and be with absolutely everyone and anyone on my list. Hard fact about it though is that 24 hours is just not enough. How many times have I told people that during Thursday night shift, that 24 hours just ain't cutting it. Thursday is the most hectic work day for me. And guess what? I said I needed more than 24 hours, I got more than 24 hours.

I spent my Thursday night shift (Friday Morning) haggling through tons of changes with the TM schedules and rosters. I'd really wish they could give 'em out to me early on. But then again, I've already told Ryanne that a million times before. I can't blame them though, we're in a very dynamic industry. So if you see a job posting asking for someone who wants to work in a very "dynamic" environment, I'd suggest pass it. Drop it. Scram away. Hahaha, it'll kill you. Nah, as Orange puts it, "You're still alive!" Yeah I know, I survived all the sleepless nights in arki. Try working on a plate and attending your classes daily for an entire month while getting around 2-3 hours of sleep a night (errr, I used to sleep in the morning na) and if you survuve that, welcome to the call center industry!

I had a short chat with Dylan Friday morning asking if we're pushing through with plans, at which he said he's got no moolah! So instead of me heading home to catch some sleep before my 2PM class I decided to head to gym, after all, after our coffee date with Randell at 5PM, I could head home and relax. No biggie, I can definitely do 20 hours straight.

After my very short and very uneventful workout, I went home to change and drop off my gears (Naks, as if, pwede namang sabihing clothes *harhar*). Went to SM North to pay the bills and went around a little. I said a little since I was only able to buy 1 shirt. Another one of my "angsty" shirt as Glenn would call it. And an eye cream. Heck, I'm starting to look like a zombie again with all the dark circles around my eyes lately.

Class was okay. At least we we're not dozing off inside the room, and since we we're scattered all over the lagoon, Leni and I got to chat a lot. Well, I did most of the talking as I recounted every single detail that I could remember about someone she obviously hates. "Kelangan ko ba malaman yan?" She'd ask, and well, I thought she'd like to hear everything...wahhhh, peace Leni.

A quick stop at her boarding house and then off we went to Starbucks. Now, however much I love my Java Chip Frap blended cream and Oreo cheesecake, however lovely the conversation was, however wonderful the feeling of being inside while it rains along Katipunan....I can't help but hate the person who kept on looking around, staring at me and making dang sure she looks stupid doing what she was doing. There's this girl we know back in arki that was supposedly typing-while-listening-to-music-while-having-a-grande-frap on her laptop. She saw Leni and she did nothing but stare at her. And guess what, she likes to look around, checking people out, checking me out! The nerve! Ang pangit mo! At mas maganda legs ko sa'yo (now that's something I can't say to any other girl since my legs are horrendous). If I see her agian, I'd stare at her until my eyeballs pop!

Randell came late. Then again, I aprpeciate the fact that he took a cab from The Fort to Katips just to see us. Well, after he ate my left over cheesecake and my drank my Frap (sabi niya hinde daw talaga kame close) we went to Arki since Janrey, Dylan and Bridget were supposedly there. Pero surprise! When we got there, they were back in Katipunan. Good gracious! And the rains started to pour real hard by then, so guess what? We we're stuck. It was nice to make tambay after so long. The AFlicant that I met was a-ok. So far so good. And btw, there were atleast 4 Patricks there. Sheesh~

Good thing madaling malambing si Mikey. Haha~ He picked up Janrey and Dylan from the condo and came for us. Leni and I were able to make everyone go to Jollibee since we want chickenjoy, and again, Randell ate everyone's leftover (hinde ata sila masyadong close ni Leni *hihi*). After that, things started to slide down for me.

Next thing I know I'm walking under the rain along Katipunan. I have to admit though, I haven't done that in a long, long while. Call me insane but there was something quite heartwarming about that moment, me walking along under the rain, the sky dark, the buildings tlighted with their neons signs as if asking the stars to shine brighter on such a cloudy night, the headlights of the cars beaming at my face...Brings meback to my old self, my old life where things we're easier. And then I came back to my senses and realized I've walked from McDonald's to Burgundy tower. I'm wet. I'm freezing. And all of a sudden scared.

I went for cover at 7-11. Decided I'd freeze in there and went back out. By this time I already received Leni's text that she got a cab already. I decided to try again, went back under the rain and scouted for cabs. Then I realized that it's such an impossible thing since there were at least 4 other groups of people waiting there beside me. Once I tell the cab driver where I live, he'd definitely go to the next one. The perks of living where streets gets flooded all the time!

I remembered Tim's got an evening class and asked if he's still around UP. Kapalan na ng mukha but I'm starting to get desperate. he ended up pickin me up and bringin me home. Waaaah, gusto sana kita bigyan ng pang-FAMAS na thank you speech but my head was no longer working by then. It stopped working while having my chickenjoy actually.

The moment I entered my place, I was so relieved I got to live through the day. I went online and had a chat with Leni and later on Tim. One moment I was up, the next I was in a coma. Sheesh~

I woke up with my body sore, and my throat hurting like hell, my lips cracked and parched and my chest hurtin'. I'm coming up with something, I could phlegm lodged somewhere near where my ribcage should be at, nasan na ribcage ko! And I could feel a bout of stomatitis coming up on my lower lip. Sheesh! Sabi nga ni Glenn,. lumalabas lang yan pag stressed ako...This is not stress! This is insanity. And I'm loving it.

Call me insame (again!) but this is my life, and I could chose to love it or hate it. I decided to love it. Most of the time anyway.

Awake

The dreaming insomniac is back in the game. 27 hours awake and counting. Nahhhh, it's not 2005 anymore, I'm headin' to bed soon. But l gotta admit, last year was far more fun than this year. Then again, I still have 5 months to turn everything around, goodluck naman sa akin noh!

Pretending

I sometimes ask myself why we, that includes you and that includes me, love to play pretend. We pretend that everything's good when we feel like shit and sometimes we pretend that things are too much for us to handle when it's not. I remember writing something about a year ago, at a time when I was more than willing to play pretend as long as I can get what I want. And I wanted it more than anything.

Maybe that's the reason why we like to make pretend. Maybe that's why we hide behind our masks. Maybe that's the reason why we choose to either ignore the obvious or magnify the untrue...Because we want something so badly we'd rather play pretend than accept the fact that we can't have it. At all.

***Kung tinatamaan ka or napapaisip ka, isipin mo nalang, baka nga para sa'yo 'to.

***

Wednesday, April 06, 2005

Let's Play Pretend

Let's play pretend, you and I. Come hold my hand and let me take you to a world I can create for you. Come, let's play pretend just for one night, let me hold your hand so I can show you a world of my own wishful creation.

In there you can forget about every worry you have. I would make sure that only good things would come your way. In there you would truly be the ruler you've always wanted to be. Remember when you once told me that you're here to rule the world? Yes, I'll make this world your world, a place where you can reign and conquer. Didn't you tell me you want that? I'll make it happen. Come let's play pretend.

In there you can be you. Just you, no need to impress anyone, no need to hide behind your masks and no need to play the lead so convincingly that the actor becomes you. In there you can let your guards down because I'm there to adore and worship every single wonderful thing about you. Remember when you told me you just want to be you? Yes, I'll make this world a private world, a place where you can be you in it's bare entirety. Didn't you tell me you want that? I'll make it happen. Come let's play pretend.

In there you can finally have that someone you've always dreamt of. That person who'll accept and love you for all you are. In there you can live the life you've always wanted, where you'll always have someone to go home to, someone to hold and someone to talk to. Remember you told me you just want someone you can call your own? Yes, I'll make a world where you can find the one you love in your arms everyday, a person you can call yours. Didn't you tell me you want that? I'll make it happen. Come let's play pretend.

Let's play pretend, just for tonight, let me be the one you call yours in that world where you can rule and be you. Let's play pretend, just for tonight, hold me tight and let's conquer this world and be the rulers of our destiny. Let's pray pretend, maybe after the game you will see that I am real and that I've always been yours. Yes, I made up this game, just so that for one night I can call you mine in a world where I can rule and just be me in it's bare entirety.

Overdue

They say that at the end of ones life you have to be weighed and your dues would be paid accordingly. Then why do I feel that at this point in my life I'm already paying for the overdues?

One decision and we die to live. We forget about all things that are known to us just so we can experience life and death with innocence. We go about the puzzle we set for ourselves without knowing why and how and when it would ever end, just the general longing of finishing whatever's in front of us.

The soul was made to overlast everything in this world. The soul was designed to head back, over and over, feeling the fall and brushing off the pain.

At one point we see this. Most of the time, we don't as the forgetting is much more sweeter than the remembrance at a time when all you have is the heartbreak of having to pay your dues.

Maybe I forgot a lot of things from my previous life. Maybe I chose to forget more. Maybe I neglected to do my part. And that's the reason why I feel I'm paying for my overdues.

Perfect Day

I walked up to the front door lobby. It's almost morning, I'd be home soon then I'd see him. It's our first year after all. How cheesy, I don't think I'm at an age when anniversaries should be celebrated in relationships anymore. Too high school. But that's what it is, worth celebrating.

Wearing my sweats and jeans I went straight to the steps. I gotta head home soon, I need to sleep. Then I'd have to get ready early for dinner that night.

Then I saw it, " What's Tasha doin' here?"

His car was parked in front of the driveway. I slowly approached it, trying to see if he's inside the car. A few steps down, he opened the window on the passenger's side.

"Hurry up Babe, we're having breakfast." He shouted.

I went straight for the passenger seat and kissed him as I fumbled with the door's lock. "Why are you here? You've got work." I asked.

"No I don't. I'm on leave and you're spending this day with me." He said.

"Happy anniversary. Haha, that sounded cheesy noh?" I laughed.

He gave me a sideway glance and smiled. Ahh, heaven!

"What's the plan today then?" I asked, not able to stand the excitement.

"We're having breakfast. Then we'll wait for the mall to open then we're headin off somewhere." He patienly explained.

"Mall? For what? Somewhere? Where exactly is somewhere?" I probed still. I might've come from my shift and I may be darn sleepy but he's not gonna get off the hook that easily.

"You've nothing with you, we're buyng things. You need a lot of things okay?"

"Like what?" I asked still.

"Like a change of clothes and toiletries." Then he gave me his you'd-know-in-a while-but-let-me-drive-first look.

Hmmm...a surprise.

Generalizations

I don't think I'm an expert with regards to human behavior, far from that even. But I do consider myself quite observant with a very good track record of being able to see past the person's physical attributes. I'd have to admit though that most of the time, I still take the person's word rather than make assumptions on the basis that people are good and that they are honest enough individuals. Ergo, don't blame me if someone tells me they're not gay and I believe them out of the goodness of my heart despite the fact that they're obviously gay. Haha, I just have to say that, sorry.

Now, I've my own generalization about certain facts. These are purely based on my experience and observation alone and is in no way scientific, so please don't read if you're not interested to what I have to say. Some are quite obvious while others are just purely insane. I'm just doing this for fun and for feedback, who knows, someone might just agree with me.

Here goes:

1. However sexy stilettos may be, men actually see women in stilts as high maintenance. They don't get it that sometimes we girls just like to play dress up and that we put the effort to look good just so that we'd end up feeling all nice and comfy, not because we'd end up making high marked damands on anything and everything.

2. Men who wear pink is either sexy or losers. One, men who wears pink and is sure of their sexuality can make the color look super hot on them without even trying. On the other hand, losers tend to think that just because he heard some girl say that pink is so sexy on guys, he'd think he could prolly take his chance and try it as well and would end up looking way too gay.

3. Guys with nice cars (eg lowering springs, body kits, halo lights etc) can be one or both: sports jock or smoker.

4. People who just came out of a long relationship would usually marry the next one who comes alone even when they've only known each other for a short period of time. I've seen this happen every so often. Girl and boy together for X number of years, everyone thinks they'd end up together, bad break-up, and then surprise, one of them ends up marrying another person who they just met and it would seem that the X number of years spent with the recent Ex was never there to begin with. Heck.

5. Guys who change cellphones every so often also changes gf every so often.

6. GIrls would always refer to their cars as "he" and guys would always refer to their cars (and other tiys for the big boys) as "she" regardless of color and make. What's up with that? Hahahaha.

7. Football/Soccer player are way hotter than basketball players. You'd think that basketball players would get all the girls in campus? Based from my scoreboard, soccer player gets their own fair share, and their fair share would usually end up somewhere else than with basketball players who get tons of adoring fans but less action after the game.

8. People who'd rather call other people than text them are rather more serious when it comes to relationships.

9. Men in suits are always sexy. Leather shoes are not for everyone. If you're a guy and you can pull off the executive look with the long sleeve shirts and the tie with a pair of white sneakers then you're just dang hot. Women can't usually handle you. I can't definitely.

10. Men who uses "darling", "honey", "sweetheart" to call girls who aren't their SOs means trouble. That's the first sign of being a smooth talker. Chances are they are also good with sales. They can convince you and yes, you'd hand 'em your panties without even knowing it. Pramis! Even if hinde sila cute, I see girls agreeing to them and all...It's like, "WTF is happening? It's too obvious?!"

11. Hanne is insane and don't believe anything I wrote here.

A Good Start

I guess the week started out good for me. I may have tons of things in my mind and my hands may be full, then again good things kept on coming my way. My simple pleasures, my happy accidents.

Saw a movie for the first time in months (leche ka Ryan! Unavailable friend hmf). Did something new and it's just great being able to do what I preach. Try everything once, I say. So I did. I saw sister and had a verrrrrrryyyyyyyy long chat here at my station. I missed her so. And of course, we got to laugh like crazy over a thousand different things. Was able to finish all my deliverables and reports in time. Am on chat with Kait. I've a chocolate that sister gave me *yum* and I've everything I need. Well, not quite, more money this way Santa - Please?! Pretty please? Hahaha~

It's my boss' last day tomorrow. After that we're on our own. Pao would be in charge of Xbox and all the IDs and reports. I'd be incharge of TS and CS scheduling and the RTAs. Whew~ I'm scared. Hope this is another one of those happy accidents fate seems to always give me.

Another First

Guess what? I finally got enough courage to eat oysters! Yes, oysters. My mom can't make me eat 'em, sister May can't make me eat 'em, Randy can't make me eat 'em...but I finally did! Thanks Tim...sana wag na po okra next time, hinde ko talaga kakayanin yun.

Scared Little Me

I woke up in the middle of the night. I do that most of the time during my rest days given that I'm used to being up and about at night. My body clock is so messed up it tends to wake me up after a 4 hour long sleep. Unless I fight the urge to suddenly bolt upright, then I'm ready to work again.

It's 4:16 AM and it's raining lions and leopards outside. And I'm scared.

You'd think that at my age I won't be such a scaredy cat anymore. But I am. I really am. I'm scared of the loud sounds of pounding rain, I'm scared of anything crawling, I'm scared of crossing the street, I'm scared of eating things I'm not familiar with, I'm scared of being alone in any place crowded, I'm scared of chubibos (ayaw ko na ulitin yung last year sa fair! hmf) and of the octupus ride at the UP fair, I'm scared. Waaaahhhhh....

Imagine me watching a scary thriller. Haha, no need to imagine, bring me to one and you'd hate me afterwards, unless you're the type who'd scream like hell on every other scene, then I guess you're just like me.

Loneliness

In comes the winter breeze
That chills the air and drifts the snow
And I imagine kissing you under the mistletoe

When springtime makes its way here
Lilac blooms reminds me of the scent of your perfume

When summer burns with heat I always get the hots for you
Go skinny dippin' in the ocean where we used to do

When autumn sheds the leaves the trees are bare
When you're not here it doesn't feel the same

***

Hanne's feeling lonely. Very. And yes, she's never alone.

Gay Friends

Hernan 's Blog

07/22/06 09:45 AM

The Turning

Today is a momentous day! I turned someone!!! It was an ordinary morning and like all ordinary mornings, I was prowling for a browsing station. Alas, those bastards from the other accounts has taken over all the stations. The audacity! The nerve! (So I'm not really sure tht they're not from our account but then again they're still "Shits") Anyway... I had no other choice, have to hunt for other preys! Oh my God, Hanne's station has Mozilla! Bwahaha. And then it began...

We started out withme ranting about those ass farting on the browsing stations then we drifted from "The DATE", "The FRIENDLESS and CLUELESS", and other topics we usually cover with our "Talk". Then BANG! An idea came to Mind... I said, "Hanne, I created this tiny blog entry and you should read it! But... you have to embrace the Path."

Of course she did not understand at first but when she realize what I was asking she suddenly made a wailling protest, "I AM STRAIGHT! I don't want to be gay!!!" (Of course, I'm just fabricating some of this. Otherwise, you'll hear straight talk, meaning Boring!) But if there's one thing that I am today, it is Relentless (I have energy today bec SHITHEAD did RDOT)! She resisted but the absence of the Light makes it a perfect cover for her Turning.

She started out straight and pining over that date that has yet to happen(by the time people start reading this, most likely a story about that date has been brewed but that's another blog entry) but she didn't expect me! Long story short, she's now a stag! Stag today, Gay tomorrow!

From Light, come into the night...



***

My friend Hernan asked me to sign up with Downelink.

It's similar to friendster but it's for the gay community. Share ko lang...in case someone's interested.

Dylan Melgazo Yeyo!

Congratulations to the new Architects. Congratulations most of all to
Architect Dylan Melgazo. Yikeee~ Proud na proud ako sayo!

Ruelo, Mumty, Joyce and everyone else, congrats. Randell, ikaw naman!

Ang sigaw ng lahat: Magpapainom daw si Manny?

Wek

As always, once I reach home after I've had one of my insta-shopping-spree, I'd stare at nothingness for a few minutes trying to digest what I just did. Horrible feeling I tell you. And that's what I did a few minutes back, I stared at the monitor. Sheeeeeeet~ I'm so gastos. Gusto ko bigla ipaputol daliri ko.

Anyways, I came home with these:

4 plain shirt (buy 3 take 1) - I sooo love plain shirts. Got a white, a brown, a pink and green one.

a pair of pants - i was looking for the cut-offs type but can't seem to find any that I like so I settled for the ones that can be folded up. I just wanna be ready for the rainy days. can't always run around in heels when I'm at UP pa.

a book - bought The Devils Wears Prada. I've been wanting to, and since it's being made into a movie, I gotta read it first.

2 pringles - just can't get enough, plus it's on sale, 50 bucks each.

Nike Running Shoes - purple ones. Harhar~ On sale, 10% off lang though. Was planning on buying the other one (purple still) but then they don't have my size anymore. Wish ko lang pwede ko ipagsiksikan paa ko sa size 7, but noooooo, size 7 1/2 lang siya kasya. Sayang!

Okay, so tipid mode na muna. Sana totoo.

Amm, my boss would be leaving soon, it's actually his last day on Monday. Sheesh~ I never thought I'd miss that old rascal but I already do. I spent the last 3 hours of my shift making chika inside his room with Orange and Noreen. He was asking me and Orange to occupy the room together with Noreen and Jen once he's out. I'm not so sure about moving in there. Hahaha, corny e.

We're planning on having a get together this Saturday...or Sunday, whichever is convenient for everyone. Hay...San kaya kame pupulutin? Sana ok ang kapalit niya.

Thanks

I thanked my friends through an entry I made the other day. Now I feel like thanking everyone more. I dunno how long this entry would be if ever, and if I'd do justice and be able to really give credit to everyone whom I consider a friend. I'd try though.

My Blockmates: Anj, Leni, Lesley, Ryan, Randell, Janrey, Mikey, Michelle, Mia, Tina, Mark, Foom, Chow, Popop, Shashee, Jorge and kung sino pa nalimutan ko.

Thanks for making the arki experience something worth remembering. I don't think I'd enjoy all our freshie classes with Nick without you guys. The Breakfast at McDo story and leaving Nick all by himself would always be priceless. All the block outings and overnights would always make me smile in sweet remembrance. I don't care if I have to go through all the "more than words" video that we can shoot or the "face the wall" moments of Randell. Christmas parties would always be something to look forward to (sana this year meron uli) and out of the blue block movies and dinners are always a welcome change nowadays. Running towards the camera and jumping seems to be a lot of fun until now. I learned to skip classes, draw in 3-point perspective, drink and get wasted with you around. Now if that ain't something to be thankful for then I don't know what I could consider worth thanking for. I'd always tell people that I was able to spend countless days and nights with you guys around, I've shared my bed with some of you (in a very chaste manner harhar), we've used each other's spoon, we've drank on the same bottle of water and a whole lot more, now if I can't call you friends after that then maybe I really am a sucker for strangers. And Randell, hinde pa rin tayo close. Hmf.

How I could I forget the time when I fell off the stool and Ryan, Randell and Leni did nothing but laugh? Or that time when we met Ryan's Mia with her long nails and green eyes (tama ba?). Or that day when no one was around and Mia and I became best friends for the day - I still got you ID pic Mia. Or that time when we were so hungry we had to walk all the way to Philcoa at 1am just to buys something from Mercury. Or that first plate we did over at Anj's place - giant ruler and the Ryan issue started, yihee~ Or that time that Leni slipped on a puddle of water at Puerto. Or my one on one talks with Mark and his "girls" and how he'd ask me to text them (naman! secretary?). Marami pa. Super dami pa.

To Arki Forum

I doubt if I could name everyone there. I've met a lot of people through AF, given that I was one of the less "friendly" mem back then. i'd usually just sit at one corner of the tambayan and would only talk when talked to. But heck, they never stopped trying! I had my little one on one chikahan with all the badingz, how I'd laugh over Rigel's antics and how everyone would turn to Kath or Dara when they've something really witty to say. I'd always have fond memories of the AF logbook and Burnik's entries who alluded everyone at first. The AF videos where everyone ends up dying. The jamming sessions of the boys where Ku and Ruelo would sing Moffats songs over and over and how Dylan would start the "macho" song for Noel and the singing of the Yeyo song over and over when we've nothing else to sing. I'd be forever thankful that I now know who Yatatee is and that he looks a lot like Foom (sinong app nga ba yung nagsabi nito?). The AF week, the meriendahan, the fieldtrip na mas masaya yung tambay sa bus and Tagaytay than the fieldtrip itself (hehe) AY basta! Ang saya sa AF! (Sali na, app period na.) And if not for AF I won't know how it's like to be part of a big family, I miss the thesis house at Maginhawa. All the night's I spent with you guys eating Prima and pancit canton. Priceless~ Drew yung Kiss ko! Sympre hinde ko mapaalala sa'yo pag nagkikita tayo sa ABS-CBN, shy ako...dito nalang ako hihirit! Hahaha~

To my RMH friends

Most of them have actually left the company already. I can't blame them for leaving. One thing's for sure though, I wouldn't last this long here if not for the great people I've met. The AT&T people were great, my batchmates made everything so sweet at the onset of the account. Training was particularly outstanding because of Class Alpha! The songs that John and Chie would lead, the antics and dramatics of Percy and Michelle, the lively chats over lunch with the boys (Adrian, Johann, Ferdie, Jaypee and Glenn). The kikay chats with Anjo, Che, Rose, Penny and Gina. The entire team Beni who's always at the bottom (joke! Magaling team ko!). The wonderful kwentuhans that I shared with my Helpdesk batchmates Gilbert and CJ and how Rose would be so inggit because we're usually petiks Haha~ Then the girl bondign that I had with Jane and Darlene afterwards.

Then I became an RTA and I met a whole lot of people. I would never forget my first week on the floor and how Huggy started making pa-cute with his M&Ms. The times when I'd have to comfort BJ and Pao because of their recent breakups (we have this RTA curse). The night we'd spend at nineteen20 drinking and talking about our heartaches. My lambingan spats with Archie who would ask the most insane questions. Having to meet my Sweetie Raffy who'd always drop by my station just to call me his "chichacorn". Being kidnapped by May and Randy and all our horrible stories of sleepless nights and roundtrips to Tagaytay. All those times we'd cry about the most mundane things and the bear hugs sister and I would get from Bugoy. Going out Jodi and Angelo and going home at 5AM. That time I went out with the pendong boys, making them promise they won't ask me to drink but ended up all drunk because of Pao's GF who won't stop passing me shot after shot of ginpom. Those trips I took to Galera, first with the WF team and then with sister and partner. All the tsismisan and the food we just love to have delivered almost every night. the drinking sessions with the RTA boys and boss at Dish.

Hay, great fun, great friends, great food, great moments...



To P*yups

I wrote before that you're all my happy accidents. You are. I saw the p*yups banner on my first year in UP, I saw it hanging over the walkway going to CASAA. Then I forgot all about it. A few years after, I started hearing people at arki talking about p*yups. I logged in and started posting replies on the threads. I met the first p*yups member I know (parang may mali pero yun talaga yun e) December of 2004. Ladit, one of the mods started asking me about to apply here at RMH. She came in as one of the pioneer batch of our TS account. Then she was the one who told me about Ryski, another p*yups member who's an agent here. A few months after, I chanced upon this thread regarding an EB for call girls and boys. I posted a simple, "can I join" and next thing I know I'm meeting averyone. I gained a lot of chatmates and friends from p*yups. I found a kuya in Aian, Abel, Booie and Drew. I found a sister in Yuri and Mean. I even gained a little boy, Acee, and a little girl, Leslie, along the process. I met Resty who can never stop bugging me and Buddee who seems to have all the right answers to all of my questions. I haven't met them but I've learned a lot from them, okay, Resty learned a lot from ME. Haha~ Labelle and Yuri are now with me here at RMH and we're not just textmates but officemates hehe. Recently, Tim and Bobby was added to my growing P*yups family. Who would've thought that I'd find great friends over the net? Who would've thought that many of them of them would actually stick around? Who would've thought?

To everyone else:

To Kait, alam mo na yun. Haha~

To David, I miss you so. Thanks for all the wonderful things you amde me remember every single time you'd send me an email or whenever you're on chat. I miss you terribly. You're still my angel in disguise. I love you.

To Glenn, I promised you that we'd be friends until the end, I told ya I'd keep my promise. Thanks for all the help, for being my coffee buddy (even when I know you're not into coffee), for being my gym buddy and my general sounding board.

To Hernan and Rei, just a general thanks for being so great and for being real. You're always a fresh air for me to breath in this general smoke infested society. Gay people rulezzz. Joke, basta labs ko kayo!

To Patrick, I think I have to accept the fact that though I hate you (as someone I used to date informally) you're still my friend and that you'd always give me the most honest answers to all my ever evasive questions.

To Josh, I don't have much to say but thanks and yes, I trust you!

To Buddee, thanks for trusting me. You told me you don't trust people easily, I think you've given me enough trust to be able to open up and tell me all the things you did, thanks.

To Sister, ayabyu. Yun na yun!

Dami pa...pero naubusan na ako ng lakas...Tim, hinde naman isang milya a. Onga ikaw pa pala!

To Tim, thanks for inspiring me to write this. Thanks for listening and trusting me.Yes, you're my friend. Ayan, taga mo na sa bato. No erase. Hehe.

Meron pa ba akong naiwan? Kung meron, paalala niyo lang, gagawa ako uli ng new list.

Let Me Think

Kait says: ayaw mo nun
Kait says: madami kang choices sa buhay mo
Kait says: ako? IM STUCK
leahanne says: madami akong choices yes, pero am i ready to take em
leahanne says: you're not stuck. you're committed
Kait says: ganun din yon
leahanne says: i know, pathetic attempt to mask the obvious on your part
Kait says: so wala na kong choice
Kait says: STUCK
Kait says: haaaaay
leahanne says: it's your choice HOW to react on everything

***

Do I really have all the choices?
Am I ready to make a choice?
Do I know how to react to everything?
Am I even on the right path?