Fit Me

I saw this from tyrashow.com...sounds interesting.

The Perfect Fit: What Your Shoes Say About You

A woman's favorite pair of shoes is not merely an accessory claims Meghan Cleary, author of “The Perfect Fit,” but actually a window into her soul. The type of shoe that a woman wears can indicate her taste in clothing, her career goals and even her ideal mate. In this pocket-sized handbook, Cleary guides her readers through a "sole-searching" exercise to discover their inner shoe sun sign. Shoe personality profiles include:

• Flip Flop: this girl is steady as a rudder - someone who sparkles with the energy of being truly alive!


• Stiletto: An intriguing mix of traditional and modern, deep down she believes that men provide and women look good. At the same time she embraces her raw female power, stepping out smartly, never afraid to state what she wants. She’s extremely self-possessed and very much her own woman.


• T-strap: a woman who feels most comfortable in this shoe style usually has a natural gustiness and Betty Boop-like cuteness.


• Sneaker: Normally seen dashing about town, she always knows the coolest music and films. Quick on her feet and witty, often peppering conversation with a bit of ironic or sarcastic humor just for effect. She’s gone just as fast as she arrived.

For more information regarding "The Perfect Fit" by Meghan Cleary, visit Meghan's website www.missmeghan.com Posted by The Tyra Banks Show on August 9, 2006 08:16 PM

Da Hu?

I got this from Kait's blog and I got awfully curious...Darn, why didn't I get any good ones? Hehe~ All asian huh? Obviously...

And I tried it again because I don't know half of the girls that came out ;p
It was really hard to look for a picture that's all straight and with a good enough profile. As you may have observed I've a tendency to always tilt my head...

So again...

Yes, I've Work

"May pasok ka?"

I hate it whenever my lola asks me that. Isn't it apparent that I do? I won't drag myself off of my bed in the middle of the night if not for work. How many times do I need to tell them that I have work 5 days a week regardless of the date, the calamity, the national issues, economic crisis, personal crisis or whatever other controversial reason one may think of.

I've been working for the same industry for almost 4 years, I've been working for the same company for 3 years, I've been through hundreds of storms, dozens of floods, several earthquakes, countless massive traffic jams, several coup attempts, death in the family and 2 horrible break-ups. I was at Ayala when the Oakwood mutineers started their summons late at night, I was here at ABS-CBN when the country was rocked by a 5.0 earthquake way back 2004, I was working through the last few coup attempts last February and yes, I am still working tonight.

Maybe I'm just frustrated. Maybe I'm just tired. Maybe just like everyone else I'm just pissed off because of the underlying pain I have to go through after such a powerful storm. Tell me, I woke up this afternoon drenched to the bones despite all our windows being closed. I have ti change my sheets at 3 in the afternoon while trying not to fall asleep in the process. I woke up at 8 in the evening with my tummy crying with pain (I forgot to eat lunch and breakfast when I got home) and had to take 2 tums and about 2 glasses of hot water to relieve myself. I had to take my bath with a flickering flame, dress up and all inside the confines of the bathroom since we don't have any lights upstairs (we have limited candle power). I had to wait in complete darkness for a cab since even the main road is totally pitch black. On my way to work the cab driver ran himself right smack the middle of a fallen MMDA pole/wire mesh and had to swerve like crazy to avoid the bus on our other side.

By the time I got here I was almost in tears. Almost. Now am laughing. Weird noh? Ugh, tell me.

Reminders

I never had that much post-its on my desktop before. NEVER. And Ace just won't believe me when I say I'm busy...Nuninuninuninuninuninu...

Everything's a blur lately. Really.

More

IQ Test Scores: The Basics of IQ Score Interpretation

IQ stands for intelligence quotient. Supposedly, it is a score that tells one how “bright” a person is compared to other people. The average IQ is by definition 100; scores above 100 indicate a higher than average IQ and scores below 100 indicate a lower that average IQ. Theoretically, scores can range any amount below or above 100, but in practice they do not meaningfully go much below 50 or above 150.

Half of the population have IQ’s of between 90 and 110, while 25% have higher IQ’s and 25% have lower IQ’s:

Descriptive Classifications of Intelligence Quotients
IQ	Description	% of Population
130+	Very superior	2.2%
120-129	Superior	6.7%
110-119	High average	16.1%
90-109	Average	50%
80-89	Low average	16.1%
70-79	Borderline	6.7%
Below 70	Extremely low	2.2%

Apparently, the IQ gives a good indication of the occupational group that a person will end up in, though not of course the specific occupation. In their book, Know Your Child’s IQ, Glen Wilson and Diana Grylls outline occupations typical of various IQ levels:

140	Top Civil Servants; Professors and Research Scientists.
130	Physicians and Surgeons; Lawyers; Engineers (Civil and Mechanical)
120	School Teachers; Pharmacists; Accountants; Nurses; Stenographers; Managers.
110	Foremen; Clerks; Telephone Operators; Salesmen; Policemen; Electricians.
100+	Machine Operators; Shopkeepers; Butchers; Welders; Sheet Metal Workers.
100-	Warehousemen; Carpenters; Cooks and Bakers; Small Farmers; Truck and Van Drivers.
90	Laborers; Gardeners; Upholsterers; Farmhands; Miners; Factory Packers and Sorters.

IQ Expressed in Percentiles

IQ is often expressed in percentiles, which is not the same as percentage scores, and a common reason for the misunderstanding of IQ test scores. Percentage refers to the number of items which a child answers correctly compared to the total number of items presented. If a child answers 25 questions correctly on a 50 question test he would earn a percentage score of 50. If he answers 40 questions on the same test his percentage score would be 80. Percentile, however, refers to the number of other test takers’ scores that an individual’s score equals or exceeds. If a child answered 25 questions and did better than 50% of the children taking the test he would score at the 50th percentile. However, if he answered 40 questions on the 50 item test and everyone else answered more than he did, he would fall at a very low percentile — even though he answered 80% of the questions correctly.

On most standardized tests, an IQ of 100 is at the 50th percentile. Most of our IQ tests are standardized with a mean score of 100 and a standard deviation of 15. What that means is that the following IQ scores will be roughly equivalent to the following percentiles:

IQ	Percentile
65	01
70	02
75	05
80	09
85	16
90	25
95	37
100	50
105	63
110	75
115	84
120	91
125	95
130	98
135	99

An IQ of 120 therefore implies that the testee is brighter than about 91% of the population, while 130 puts a person ahead of 98% of people. A person with an IQ of 80 is brighter than only 9% of people, and only a few score less than 60.

I.Q.

I received an email from Tickle.com saying it's my anniversary since I took their IQ test and they sent me a compehensive report. Here it is. Kakatuwa. May IQ pala ako~ Haha~

You scored 136 on Tickle's IQ test.

This means that based on your answers, your IQ score is between 126 and 136. Most people's IQs are between 70 and 130.

In fact, 95% of all people have IQs within that range. 68% of people score between 80 and 120. The following chart to your right, shows these percentages and where your IQ score is on that scale.

Your Intellectual Type Is:

Your mind's strengths allow you to think ahead of the game — to imagine or anticipate what should come next in just about any situation. Because you're equally skilled in the numerical and verbal universes of the brain, you can draw from multiple sources of information to come up with great ideas. The timelessness of your vision and the balance between your various skills are what make you a Visionary Philosopher. In addition to your strengths in math and linguistics, you have a knack for matching and anticipating patterns. These skills and your uncanny ability to detect the underlying blueprint of most of life's situations add to your Visionary Philosopher mind.

Two philosophers who share the same combination of skills you possess are Plato and Benedict Spinoza. Spinoza had insight into how things worked in the world. He could envision a future based on the patterns he saw in life, and used mathematical logic as a structure within which to present his philosophical arguments. With that base he was able to use logic to formulate his theories. Borrowing from his linguistic strengths he wrote eloquent texts and, therefore, was able to bring his philosophical ideas and structure to the rest of the world. His story exemplifies the talents that are present in the Visionary Philosopher intellectual type.

Whatever you decide to do in life, you've got a powerful mix of skills and insight that can be applied in a wide variety of ways. You can expand your mind to understand a situation. Your strong balance of math and verbal skills will help you explain things to others. For example, if you were on an archaeological dig and discovered an object, you could probably use your deductive powers to figure out not only what the object was but also how it was used. Given your ability to put things together, you are more than capable of inventing a life plan that is in synch with your perspective on how things were, how they are, and how they might be one day.

Great Jobs For You
Because of the way you process information, these are just some of the many careers in which you could excel:

• Archaeologist
• Detective
• Psychologist
• Sculptor
• Architect
• City planner
• Chief executive

Your 4 Intelligence Scales
Now let's look at the factors that contribute to you being a Visionary Philosopher with a 136 IQ score.

Based on the results of your test, Tickle divided your scores into four distinguishable dimensions — mathematical intelligence, visual-spatial intelligence, linguistic intelligence and logic intelligence.

Here's how each of your intelligence scores break down:


Mathematical Intelligence

Your Mathematical Percentile

You scored in the 100th percentile on the mathematical intelligence scale.This means that you scored higher than 90% - 100% of people who took the test and that 0% - 10% scored higher than you did. The scale above illustrates this visually.

Your mathematical intelligence score represents your combined ability to reason and calculate. You scored relatively high, which means you're probably the one your friends look to when splitting the lunch bill or calculating your waitresses' tip. You may or may not be known as a math whiz, but number crunching might come a little easier to you than it does others.

Visual-Spatial Intelligence

Your Visual-Spatial Percentile

You scored in the 100th percentile on the visual-spatial intelligence scale.
This means that you scored higher than 90% - 100% of people who took the test and that 0% - 10% scored higher than you did. The scale above illustrates this visually.

The visual-spatial component of intelligence measures your ability to extract a visual pattern and from that envision what should come next in a sequence. Your score was relatively high, which could mean that you're the one navigating the map when you're on an outing with friends. You have, in some capacity, an ability to think in pictures. Maybe this strength comes out in subtle ways, like how you play chess or form metaphors.

Linguistic Intelligence

Your Linguistic Percentile

You scored in the 100th percentile on the linguistic intelligence scale.
This means that you scored higher than 90% - 100% of people who took the test and that 0% - 10% scored higher than you did. The scale above illustrates this visually.

Linguistic abilities include reading, writing and communicating with words. Tickle's test measures knowledge of vocabulary, ease in completing word analogies and the ability to think critically about a statement based on its semantic structure. Your score was relatively high, which could mean you know your way around a bookstore and maybe like to bandy about the occasional 25-cent word to impress friends.

Logical Intelligence

Your Logical Percentile

You scored in the 100th percentile on the logical intelligence scale.
This means that you scored higher than 90% - 100% of people who took the test and that 0% - 10% scored higher than you did. The scale above illustrates this visually.

Tickle's logical intelligence questions assess your ability to think things through. The questions determine the extent to which you use reasoning and logic to determine the best solution to a problem. Your logic score was relatively high, which could mean that when the car breaks down, your friends look to you to help figure out not only what's wrong, but how to fix it and how you're going to get to the next gas station.

Yipee~

Finally got my Havs, they don't have the ones that I want initially...but heck, I like the Pink Joy.

2 Things...

I'm a bit pissed at the moment. Two things got me today.

One, don't play with me. I know who you are. I texted your boyfriend so I could check if we're pushing through with our plans. No, we're not doing anything illegal behind your back. Cut me some slack, I'm not stupid. What got to me is how you pretended to be him over text. Like I'm scared! Manghuhuli ka nalang, obvious pa. Pwede ba, sa dami ng babaeng nagtangkang hulihin ako wala pang tumatama. E ang gaga naman ninyo e. Ako? Sure kayo? Sa dinami dami ng babae sa PIlipinas feeling ninyo ako ang papatol sa mga BF ninyo? Hay. Saka, if ever magbabalak kang manghuli over text, could you be not so obvious? LIke your BF would never text me like that. God! If you want I could give you tips. Iisang lalake lang naman ang pinaguusapan natin. I know him more than you do apparently. Ugh~

Two, I just learned now that I've been sending out the wrong reports for the past month and a half! Stupeeeeeeeed. Why didn't I see that? Oh, I almost forgot, I'm doing the job of two personnels. Errrr...Kainis pa rin!

Yuppie Me

I've been hearing the term yuppie for so long I never even bothered to understand what it meant. I always thought it was something that has nothing to do with me. So there, I never bothered. Until last week when I got to chat with a stranger who PMd me at P*yups saying he just need to talk to someone...And when he learned my age and my job he blurted, "Don't tell me your a yuppie." Or something to that effect, which made me think. What's a yuppie anyway?

So I went online and searched.

Yuppie is an acronym for "Young Urban Professional", a term often used pejoratively with connotations of selfishness, materialism, and superficiality. Originally the term held some positive meaning, but quickly led to backlash against those that self-identified with the term. The phrase "Die Yuppie Scum" quickly entered the public eye, particularly on bumper stickers. The general media was something at a loss to explain the backlash, and several evening news programs attempted to delve into the matter without much success.

Common traits for Yuppie would include the following

• Expensive car such as BMW, Mercedes, Lexus, Porsche, etc
• An expensive condo, townhouse or apartment in a "trendy" building or neighborhood
• Trendy interior design and decorating
• Expensive haircuts at salons
• Manicures, designer stubble, hair streaking or other grooming habits associated with metrosexuals
• Hobbies or activities that are generally not embraced by rural or suburban people
• Membership at exclusive gyms
• Engaging in conspicuous consumption
• Elitism, even from those with humble beginnings

Now, that got me thinking...Am I or am I not?

If being a young urban professional connotes something negative then I really don't care. I am young, I am living in the biggest urban jungle in this country and I'm partly professional (hehe). Though I doubt if anyone would see me driving a Porsche anytime soon or living in the trendy neighborhood with my own pad. Sheesh~ I won't be a yuppie anymore when that happens unless they change the meaning of "young". But I gotta admit, the rest of that little list is smack right in the middle of my life.

My take on this? Yes, I am one. But no, I don't see anything wrong with it. When our parents were young they did what they wanted to do. They smoked pot, they drank themselves dead, they married early and they stopped being yuppies...or prolly some even continued to be one. So it's our turn and I think we can do what we want. I'd shop til I'm poor as a rat, I'd party like there's no tomorrow and I'd stay single for as long as I want...And yes, I'd get that condo soon and maybe even wish for the Porsche if possible.

Beer At Hand

It was raining. Its hard to tell if the downpour would continue or not. The night is young, she'll have all the time to decide later, she thought. With great care she started to curl her hair all the while planning her make-up and clothes for the night. Bronze eye shadow with gold highlights, bronzer, mascara and lisggloss. Diamond earrings suspended on long silver strands end just atop her shoulder. Four inch heels. Denim minis. Perfume.

The transformation's almost always too radical even for her taste. The night changes everybody, she'd almost always reason out. She feels the guilt of being so different from who she really is.

" Look at us we’re beautiful,
All the people push and pull but,
They’ll never get inside,
We got too much to hide"

She could almost laugh as Moby sang his lines. The beautiful are those who hides their flaws the hardest. She loves the thought as much as he hates it. The glitter and noise makes her forget what's screaming inside but she's afraid the spotlight would shine through her.

Shining and glossy, she stepped out and disappeared under the now waning drizzle.

The night started once she stepped inside. Lights dim, people chattering over bottles of beer, the band oblivious that no one's really paying attention...and then they saw her. Their unanimous cheer lighted her face. Kisses and hugs were exchanged and more bottles were ordered.

"I missed you."

"Good thing you got here on time."

"How have you been? Are you stil with that guy?"

"Are you seeing anyone new?"

"I heard you're single again?"

"Here, another bottle. You want anything else?"

"Is she coming too? Maybe we should call her just in case she forgot."

"What do you think of my date? She's not you but hey, you're the greatest. look at you!"

"Why aren't you with anyone? You should invite someone next time."

"Sit here with me will yah, I gotta ask you something."

"My golly! Those shoes are wonderful, where'd you get them?"

Without the make-up on, life seems unfair and crooked. But when the sun sets and the clothes come off...life is much, much bearable. Forget that she hates the taste of beer, forget that she hates smoking, forget that she hates the noise, forget that she hates staying up late...all these makes life bearable. And she's grateful.

Fun!

Hmmm...Great, great, great Friday! I love you Friday.

Note so self: Go get the guy first before you finish your first bottle...Tsk, tsk!

Random Moments

I had breakfast with Glenn before heading home. We talked about the plight of the Filipinos. The dream of many to be able to work in call centers because they know there's money there. How delivery boys and tindera's are trying their luck even when they can't understand a single all english sentence. Sad but true. Anything for money, kahit mapahiya ka. Reminds me of all the people who looked down at me just because I work where I work. Honestly, I'd rather work for foreign companies who provides livelihood for thousands of ailing Filipinos than to shoo them out of the country and leave a lot of people jobless.

Had a short chat with Ace last night. I was convincing him to sign up for WorldVision. I've promised myself that the moment I get a raise or a promotion I'm gonna support a child. I've convinced several others. Now, even without a promotion I decided to go with my plans and sign up immediately after I clear my credit card bills. There's no excuse in helping I think.

I've ten thousand things on my plate lately. Nothing new as always, but still a lot. When I've nothing to do I get restless. When I've so much to do i still get restless. Like now, I'm supposed to be in bed but I can't, adrenaline is still in my blood....gotta work...*zombified look here*

Chico bought me coffee this morning. I never had coffee with the sun up for a loooooong time now. Something new really, until I got home I was holding my venti frap thinking, "coffee with the sun up...different." Yeah, I know it's weird~!

I'm getting the itch to head out now and shop. Ugh~! Paydays! Anyways I'll be checking out the Havs on Monday. Hope they got the pair I want. Please....Please....Please...

I'm not attending classes anymore. Well...I know it's bad. Then again...shit happens and it happened to me and it ruined the entire class thing. The boys though are fun to be with still. LIttle men. haha~

I saw the new iPod shuffle that Kait posted. I want one. I want. I want. I emailed my Aunt already. Told her to shop around for prices. I'm gonna go get one.

Had a short chat with my boss the other night. I felt so...hiya. It seems like I let him down. I knew he was hoping that I'd step up and probably take some of the space he left behind. I can't fill his entire shoe but heck I could definitely try. I feel though, he believes in me. I like that. Makes me that though I'm not good in some aspects of my life, I an be good at what I do. That I have the potential to be a leader. As he said, a general has his minions to work the small stuff because I great general sees the bigger picture. That a great leader, without any skills, can still be a good leader just because of his strength alone. As I would always tell the agents applying for the RTA posts, I look at the personality. That certain mixture of strength and smarts since skills can be aquired and learned but personality is innate. Maybe I can be a leader if I just put my mind into it.

Randy invited me to Galera. Hmm...Rains...Randy...Beach...No work? Heaven.

Incurable Insomniac

It's almost 3 in the afternoon. Usually at this hour I'd be snoozing my butt. Well not today, not this afternoon. Forget the fact that I've had less than 4 hours of sleep yesterday. Forget that I worked 10 hours straight with my a cumulative break of half an hour (20 minutes to Starbucks to get my Frap and 5 minutes for my pee break). Forget that I totally am swimming in a loadful of things that I need to attend to and deadlines to meet. Forget about the movements, the schedules, the leaves, the service levels, the shift bids, the training classes and my social life.

I watched an entire episode of the Desperate Housewives. I thought that would lull me to sleep. Nope, didn't work, apparently. It just made me think all the more. Who am I there?! Okay, weird thought, but I was trying to figure out which wife I'd end up being...Hopefully not the dead one, though she started the entire story. Oh well...

Got another call from another head hunter. They won't stop. But they won't give me anything to work with as well. After ten thousand interview and a lot of lost sleep and effort, still no good offer. I could rot here and they won't help. Well, I always push myself to check all possible opportunities. Another one. Wednesday, Ayala. Again. Morning. Again.

I used to take pride of my work. Well...it's not easy for one and not everyone understands the entire deal. So I feel somewhat special. Lately though, I've been bitten by Doubt. Wek! Can i really do all these and more? I sure hope so, cause right now there's no one to pass the responsibilities to. And Microsoft's coming over by the end of the month. Hello Hanne~ Yes, I'm part of the discussion group or whatever you call those meetings...

I think I'm gonna wear my skirt tonight. Just to make me feel a bit better albeit the lack of sleep.

Money~!

Me needs money. Me needs more than what I can earn. Me want more!

Early Christmas~

Just got off a meeting. Yahoo! Maaga ang PASKO para kay Hanne. Shit happens and if you're able to go pass that, good things would come your way. Sana tuloy-tuloy na. Isang major hirit pa Lord...Please.

Christmas Carols

I went to Glorietta after spending time (finally) at the gym. Glenn was helpful enough to accompany me as I look for my Havs. Too bad they don't have the metallic (gold) high type that I wanted. Anyway, am going back next month to check their stocks again. Meanwhile I was happy enough since I was able to buy myself a new set of eye shimmers frm Body Shop on my way home.

Now what really started this entire I-want-to-buy-something-really-nice-for-myself idea was the fact that my Aunt will be visiting this Christmas. Balikbayan box galore! I started surfing for things I wanna buy and which I could ship to her place and maybe she would be nice enough to bring them home to me...I'm sure she would, I paid for it anyways, all she has to do is carry 'em across the Pacific, my Aunt can't say no. I already have a list of must Buy. I'd prolly buy some of them here since they are available, the others I might need to buy online and ship it to her place...the rest, it's just there for inspiration. Eye candy...See you Technomarine, see you Oakley...watches are darn expensive!

Woo-Saa

I'm trying to relax. I've done some reports already, Ive answered my emails. I've adjusted several schedules. Now I need to relax. I've ten thousan other things to attend to. I need to focus.

17 deep questions that will really tell you something
about you...

1. What is more difficult for you, looking into someones eyes when you are telling someone how
you feel, or looking into someones eyes when they are telling you how they feel?

***Hearing what other people has to say. I dunno but I know for a fact that I can look at other people when I tell them what I feel, but to hear another person telling me something, it's like almost rude to look at them...cause I know they could be having a hard time saying things out loud. Also, if it's anything about feeling towards me (oo na, feeling moment ito!) and I'm sure I don't feel likewise, I can't seem to look at the other person directly.

2. Think of the last time you were REALLY angry, WHY were you angry? Do you still fell the same way?

***About 2 weeks ago. I was mad because someone cheated on his gf with me. Ako?! Ako pa! Nah, I don't feel anything anymore. Maybe I've forgiven him...Hahaha~

3. You are on a flight. There is a fire in the back of the plane. You have enough time to make ONE phone call. Who do you call?What do tell them?

***Prolly my mom. And I'd prolly cry like a child. "mamaaaaaa!"

4. You are at the doctor's office and he has just informed you that you have approximately one
month to live. Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die?What do you do with your remaining days? Would you be afraid?

***I'd prolly break down the first day. Then I'd realize it's no way to spend my last month. I'd tell everyone of course. I'd visit everyone, family and friends. I'd have parties everyday if possible just to I could spend time with people. And they won't remember me as someone who's about to die but someone who's in the middle of the party, alive and happy!

5. You are unfaithful to your spouse/significant other. Do you tell him/her?Why or Why not?

***First off, there's a very small chance that that would ever happen. I'd prolly bail out of the relationship even BEFORE I commit anything close to being un faithful. But if I do, there's a big chance I'd confess. And leave. No one deserves to be cheated on.

6. Your bestfriend confesses that he/she has feelings for you more than just friendship. He/she is falling in love with you. What do you do (or did you do) do/say?

***Ha~ Happened a coupla times before...Well, not with Kait of course. Let's just say I've learned how to handle things like this quite effectively WITHOUT sacrificing the friendship. They're still my dearest friends and we're cleared everything between us.

7. Think of the last person who you know that died. You have the chance to give them 1 hour of life back, but you have to give up one year of yours. Do you do it?Why or Why not?

***No. They're dead. I have to accept that.

8. Are you the kind of friend that you would want to have as a friend?

***Yes.

9. Does love = sex?

***Nope. Not always. But sex is a good way to consume the feelings and emotions conencted with love. I ahve to admit though that sex is overrated.

10.When was the last time you told someone HONESTLY how you felt regardless of how difficult it was for you to say?how was it?What did you have to tell the person?

***Just a few hours ago. There's a new barista at Starbucks downstairs, so when I said the usual, of course she didn't know. I forgot my regular order since I never almost need to say it. So i turned to the old barista whom I've come to befriend and he was like, "Java Chip, Hanne. That's what you order, non-fat." And I was like, "I don't order non-fat!" And he went like, "You do, it's always non-fat." So I said without care, "Are you telling me Dexter that I'm fat?!" He scrammed out of the room. I love him!

11. What would be (or what was) harder for you, to tell a friend you love them or that you don't love them back?

***That I love them. That opens me to attack and rejection. Otherwise if it's the other way around, I get to be as gentle as I can be. Or at least as honest.

12. What do you think would be the hardest thing for you to give up? Why would it be hard to lose?

***My job. Losing my job and my income would paralyze me and my family.

13. Would you give a homeless person CPR if they were dying?

***If I know how to. I'd be prolly more afraid of hurting the person than actually helping.

14. Are you old fashion?

***Not in all manner, but yes, I think I am in a lot of things.

15. When was the last time you were nice to someone and did NOT expect anything in return for
it?

***A lot of times. Not always mind you. But a lot of times. I believe in Karma. So far so good. Other than my screwed up Love life and a few bouts with friends...Nothing serious.

16. Which would you choose, true love with a guarantee of a broken heart or never loved at all?
why?

***Oh Dear. Having gone through the things I've been through...I really can't say. Tough. I'd go with love and the guarantee of a broken heart. Ugh, guaranteed broken? Ouch.

17. If you could do anything or wish anything, what would it be?

***Give me the strenght and will of ten thousand men.

Are You Joking Me?!

I just came in a few minutes ago. Weekends at work's always great. Less strenous. Then I saw THIS email. Are you freaking fuckin joking me?!! That ain't possible. Try doing that to the biggest account which comprise for half of the employees on this floor and the the second longest running account of the company and guess what you have...one impossible task for me. Sad.

Who Are You?

Care to tell me who you are? That one from Japan could only be Zoan. Turkey is me, since my IP Proxy at work is from Turkey. Canada could be Darlynn and Glenda. Manila could be anyone...the rest though, I'm totally clueless. Are you just random people who happen to pass me by or are you regulars? I do know someone using AOL comes by every so often and some other person using Linux, but that's about it...

Care to tell me who you are? We could chat: hanne96 here.

Capitalist

What makes a capitalist? I have no idea.

I know of one person though who claims I am a capitalist. Hmmm...I think he meant to say that I know what I have and I use that to my advantage. If that's what he meant then maybe I am a capitalist by nature. Who isn't?

Sidelines

Two weeks and I've been flooded by binary thoughts. Anything that has something to do with you, and everything that has nothing to do with you.

Recent events made me take one last glance to the past before I decided to step off the road and park along the unused paved jackets. I told myself I want to be out of the game to be able to watch everything from the sidelines soon. I may be retiring a lot earlier than expected. Knowing myself though, I'd be itching to be back in the fastlane soon. For now, let me watch from here.

If I get a ticket for every single time I pull over, I'd have an entire suitcase filled with it. History tells me that sometimes it's just better to pull back and let everyone else get ahead of you. You let people get their way, you let friends take your place, you let family on your space and you let strangers take what's supposed to be yours. And it might seem to most like a sad fate, but it actually gives me more relief than one can imagine. After all, you can gauge the wealth you have with what you are willing to give up. I am willing and most of the time, able to give up almost everything for almost everyone and tells me one thing. People, man, woman, child, friends and foe, lovers and family...they are still the most important things to me. That tells me a lot.

I will be forever amazed at how resilient a person in love can be. What's more amazing is the amount of courage people display when they are hurt by those same people they have loved. No one's been spared of heartbreak. That singular moment when one honestly believes that pain could kill him in an instant. Well, we're all still alive aren't we? And we all went past that moment unknowingly.

Maybe, what I simply wanted to say is this: Man is a great creature. We have the intellect that made us great, and we have the emotions that made us even greater. But that our greatest enemy is also our greatest salvation...We find the best and worst things in each other. If only we get to appreciate that even our enemies are to be thanked for and that even adversaries could be friends in the end, we'd all end up on the side street willing to cheer on our opponents once in a while.

I'm cheering on a lot of people now.

I'm cheering you...You who taught me the real meaning of family, of forgiveness and of pride. I don't want anything to do with you anymore, I'd rather be miles away with nothing in me than be with you and feel remorse for everything that you took from me and everyone that I love. Still, I'm cheering you. I know life is lonely on your side of the road. And I know that going through the motions of life with nothing to look back on makes you wonder where you're headed. You'd get there...one way of another.

I'm cheering you...You who told me that happiness is my responsibility. I know that, I told other people about that myself and I saw first hand what it meant. I have to take responsiblity over my life and take hold of the the things that would make me complete and happy, after all, everyone would unconsciously or consciously put themselves first before any other person. And that's exactly what you. You put everyone else behind you and you used them and ruined them. I pity you yet I cheer you. You're the first person who admitted that there's nothing wrong for being responsible over your own happiness...just like me. I cheer for you. I hope you find yourself and the source of that wonderful forever we've long talked about. And though you broke me into pieces, you are yet to ruin me...I'd leave that to forever to happen *wink*

I'm cheering you...You who taught me that I can be head of this family. It's a big responsibility to take on but it seems you are not willing to take it so I had to step in. I don't think I'm doing a great job either, I have to admit. But I am more than proud that I was willing to take over and still manage to make improvements, though the travel is excruciatingly slow, we'd get there with or without you. Let me wish you that in the years to come you might understand why I've been pushing you to move ahead when you're more than content to stay behind. I hope that time would finally reveal to you why I've challenged you every step of the way and why until now I'm crying like a child everytime you decide to dall behind...I am still A CHILD after all. I am your child.

And the list goes on. Let me tell you though, the view behind the wheel and the view beside the road are a lot different. It won't hurt to step out of the race once in a while. It's worth every second lost.

Ayun!

My friend Hernan's been telling me I need to hire someone to check each and every entry I make. E goodluck naman talaga sa grammar at spelling ko. Minsan may mga nawawala pang words sa entries ko. At kahit nakita ko na sila, tamad akong mag-edit. So there, yung mga hinde makatanggap sa errors ko can continue wincing until their facial muscles expires. Hirap mag blog ng half asleep, half awake, almost asleep, tired and super tired at lalo na kapag pasingit lang sa work. Atl + tab pag may dumadaan, nawawala ang train of thoughts, or biglang segway ang topic. At ayun, grammatical errors galore! Sige na, patawarin na ninyo ako.

Interlude

I haven't been blogging a lot lately. Too much crap to clean up. At home, at work, at school, inside me. I'm holding upr eal well, considering I'm one who usually breaks down under stress. Let me rephrase that, I'm one who usually breaks down AFTER everyone else who's been under stress have already flushed themselves down the toilet...that doesn't make sense huh? Tell me, life ain't making sense at all.

Was able to chat with Iska this morning when she dropped by my station. People were sent home early due to some tools issues. I really can't tell if she's surprised with the recent events in my life or what. Hehe~ She seemed to be errr...lost. And then there's Randy. After being so malambing for weeks, checking on me every so often and calling me, get this, "mahal" ever since we started talking again. He admitted that he's alcoholic. Sheesh~ Before it was sex, then drugs, then gambling. What's next mahal? He also apologize for having the balls to even suggest that we should have a kid together. Apology accepted. It's no laughing matter and only we could understand why we even talk about things like that. Crap~ Just reminded me I'm one single female just trying to get by with everything...How fun!

The other day I was at UP, and after class I took a long walk along the acad oval. My sister went ahead of me and was home already at that time so I've no one to go home with and decided to just past time. I used to take walks around the oval whenever something's bothering me. Then as I was walking I realized just how different I am than most people I know. Most have the normal things one would expect, a regular family with the reunions and good 'ol family tsismisan and tampuhans, a parent (or both) who's got a regular full time job, a full time work that helps them get by, a relationship just like most 20 something people, a social life, a hobby etc. Now, now...where do I fit in? Semi normal 20 something person? pwede. Not so bad really. It's actually nice.

So I started to say a little prayer while walking. Just a general thanks to the cosmos for making me different yet not apart from everyone else. And I asked for more. More challenges. More hurdles. And I asked for the strength of ten thousand men to withstand such. Ang tapang ko pa naman, tapos may extra din palang hihilingin. E bakit ba? Kanya-kanyang style nalang muna.

Technology is amazing. I can't imagine myself without my phone (though I rarely use it) and my PC and everything else that goes with it like internet and YM. I just sent a message to Randell this morning that maybe we could have coffee this Friday since I don't have a class and the last time we were out I left early because of previous engagements with Hernan and Tim. So I just felt compelled to make it up to them. Next thing I knew he's asking me to text Mikey because he already asked him to have coffee this Friday. Then Janrey texted me and asked if we could move it Friday so Michelle can join and now Dylan just told me we could do it Saturday and Pay, Dara, Bing and Kath would like to have coffee at Gateway. Sounds fun! Count me in. Now, i still need to find time to meet up with Louie this Friday. he's introducing me to his lay luv. Ano ako? Ate??? Well, that's my Louie. Hehe~

I gotta sleep. It's almot 4PM and I've work later. Release of sched tonight! Whopee~ Last day! One last hurdle and crunch time is over, until Sunday of course...then I go back. Harhar~

Zoom!

That was fast! I'm already exporting schedules? Now? I'm good. Hahaha~

I wanna watch The Devil Wears Prada again. I like. And the OST is nice. I like too. A lot. Am falling in love with The City of Blinding LIghts and Feeling' Hypnotized.

Back to work!

Back To Zero

Am tired. Very tired. Work. Too much. Ugh! More.

Out Goes The Bad

Years ago, back in college, I would suffer from extreme pain during my periods. Now, now, this is not an ad for Midol. Point is, Nonoy told me that pain and sickness are a physical manifestation of what we feel inside, of our emotions and state of mind. That similar to the act of giving birth, my body was trying to let out something very painful, something that my mind and heart can no longer take hold of and control. At that time I was going through a major family misunderstanding. Three successive months and I was ready to see the doctor in fear that I may be harboring some tumor down under or what not. I cried and yelled and passed out in pain. My mom and lola can't do anything as I would punch myself over and over and then I'd just pass out cold on my bed from the pain. Midol, Tylenol, Advil, Revalan, Alaxan...they did nothing to help me at that time. And then, it was gone. I was back to normal the following weeks. Mild discomfort, a day of pain and then gone. And I don't even need to take in any kind of medication...

It was back this week. This time it was different though, I've no period. The cramps, the pain, the discomfort came even before the menstruation itself. For days I was immobile. I'd head to work and just sit there, still. Same once I get home, I'd head straight to bed and stay there.

I think I was able to let out the bad now. I'm feeling good. Not great, but good.

I slept quite early last night, was hoping I'd be at Pampanga by now, but things got messed up and here I am, stuck at home waiting for time. Cecile called twice last night. My mom and dad kept on asking me who she is. Nobody calls me at home. Absolutely no one. You'd think I've no friends because the phone NEVER rings for me. I could classify the people who calls me into 3. One would be the people at work, the RTAs or managers, who in their panic would call me at home in the middle of the day (when I'm asleep) and expect me to be able to work out their troubles WITHOUT my pc or templates or BP or spreadsheets or CMS. Then second would be Citibank slash Globe slash Ideal Bank slash other banks. They have all these promos and whatnots, they'd constantly hound you to get a secondary card, a secondary line, a supplementary credit line, shields, plan expansions etc. Hay! Third would be the other companies I've been checking out, schedules for interviews, exams, over the phone assesment and the likes. NO ONE CALLS ME.

And now there's Cecile. She calls almost daily, several times a day in fact. That got my parents spooked. So I tried to explain to them who she is. I left the part of course that I was hooked with her BF several weeks back or that I've been dating this guy for almost 2 years now and that I'm not as inexperienced in relationships as they thought. One down. Now, do i still need to explain to them who the other guys are? Forget it. No need.

Sister and I have canceled dinner plans twice now. It was Tabs surprise birthday party last night and I wasn't able to come. Heck, getting a ride is easy, money ain't a problem, the people there are great. I'm just in no mood to see THAT much people. Funny how inseparable sister and I were. Last year we we're together everyday. I spend more time with her than any other person in the entire planet. And though we went through some of the hardest times together we know that we'd have to leave each other sooner or later. Now it's happened. No bad blood between us. I know she needs to be away for now. I know she wants to be with Ian and her new friends. She knows I'm doing fine being by myself. She udnerstands that me canceling out on her doesn't mean I love her any less. Sarap.

Dylan gave me a very surprising speech last night when I showed him something. It felt good knowing someone is telling you something real. I know for a fact he won't give me any BS because that won't do us any good. It's nice. I told him so. Thanks.

Something also got cleared between Randell and me. I'm his friend after all. Hahaha~ He told me he was just scared of telling me back then what he really thought and just tried to fend me off of him because he said he didn't know what I would do or say if I know what's been happening between him and the others. Sabi nga niya, "kampihan" sa barkada. I told him I hate it when people assume that just because I'm with friends with someone I'd automatically make kampi. Hello?! Look at May and BJ and Randy and Rei. Magkagulo na sila pero lahat sila friends ko pa rin. Look at Hernan, he's one of my closest confidant even when i know he's barkada with Czar, with Em and some other people I don't like at all. I tell him what I think but I also trust him. Same goes with me, I'm friends with Joey and he knows that but Hernan and I never made it a point to see our friendship as something dependent on other people's relations. Randell told me that he feels we never really spent any time together. I said it's not the amount of time people spent together or what they've done together or what they've been through together that would define their friendship. I told him "na nasa pag-unawa at pagtanggap" yun. Of course I might be wrong, but it sure feels right to see it that way.

I had a short chat with Kait yesterday. She got to tell me one of the Patience girls said they could prolly have a reunion in the US and that she and Jill were like "whatever!" Haha~ I told her that Sheryll's helping me get my resume around to headhunters. And I gave her the link to CJ's blog that I happened to pass once. To be frank, I was suprised that I was able to chat with Che again. We had a falling out back in high school. We were too close then, too close for comfort in my end. And I told her so. She responded by staying away. I won't say I miss her, since I've long learned to be without her. But it sure is nice to be able to know that everything's great with her and that she's got everything going. You gain some, you lose some. What's improtant is that you never fail to see what you once have and thank that for being a part of who you are.

I just got off the phone with Cecile. My blog writing was interrupted by my CP's ringing. An hour over the phone and I deduced, Patrick's stupid for hurting all those girls. He's stupid for hurting a lot of people. And too bad he got to me. I know he's a hurting a lot with what's happening with him and Cecile and that I didn't make a dent to his heart at all. But if being honest with Cecile prompted her to leave him, then maybe...I really AM the woman who ruined him. *big grin here*