I dozed off early last night. It was something new. I guess I got sleepy and heavy from reading my new Shopaholic book from Hens (who was my prince from our Disney Princess themed Kris Kringle). I got up about an hour ago to find 8 messages from people who remembered to greet me. Sabi ko nga kay Aian, since my birthday's the same day as the busiest day of the season, not everyone remembers it and when one does, it means so much to me. I don't expect gifts no more. I'm too old for that (but still welcome hehe) and I don't expect people to come see me (though I know that Ryan and Randell tried their best to always be with me the night before my birthday, sayang walang budget this year) since I know they'd all be busy. The simple greeting is enough. Isipin mo, sa busy nila, sa dami ng nangyayari, sa pagod nila, they still remember.
Am chatting with Glenn now. He was calling me midnight to greet me but I was fast asleep. I greeted him back with a "ho ho ho" line. He asked what that's for, I said I'm trying to get into the spirit. And he added, quite intuitively, "and failing miserably." Yeah, he knows me. He knows for a fact that today would be one of the hardest days for me.
Family would be around me, friends would be calling and I'd be smiling as expected when all I want is to be left alone. Funny because I know for a fact that I'm not alone in feeling this way. I know for a fact that a lot of people are feeling the same emptiness. How'd I know? Because they told me, and I kinda figured it out. Why would I be on chat the entire Christmas eve with someone else if they feel like celebrating? Why would someone drink like there's no tomorrow the day before Christmas? Why would they tell me they want to cry and die at the same time during the Holidays. Yet, like me, they go through all the set traditions painstakingly. Gifts, noche buena, cards, greetings, smiles.
I think afterwards, would I ever know the genuine smiles from the ones who are hiding something?
Through all the Christmases and all the Birthdays that I have endured and yet to endure as an adult, I never stopped in wishing though that someday "I'd feel Christmas again."
Family would be around me, friends would be calling and I'd be smiling as expected when all I want is to be left alone. Funny because I know for a fact that I'm not alone in feeling this way. I know for a fact that a lot of people are feeling the same emptiness. How'd I know? Because they told me, and I kinda figured it out. Why would I be on chat the entire Christmas eve with someone else if they feel like celebrating? Why would someone drink like there's no tomorrow the day before Christmas? Why would they tell me they want to cry and die at the same time during the Holidays. Yet, like me, they go through all the set traditions painstakingly. Gifts, noche buena, cards, greetings, smiles.
I think afterwards, would I ever know the genuine smiles from the ones who are hiding something?
Through all the Christmases and all the Birthdays that I have endured and yet to endure as an adult, I never stopped in wishing though that someday "I'd feel Christmas again."
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