Holidays

I realized a while ago that Christmas is just around the corner. Been weeks since I first heard carols playing...And the thought makes me sad. Somehow, I still feel that there are a lot of things that I'm missing on. A lot of things that makes my life lonelier by the second.

Really, I'm tryin not to dwell on these things. I know for a fact that moaning over them won't do me any good. Once in a while though I feel that I need to let go. I think too much. I have to learn how to NOT think and just feel...and do...

For a few years I was able to capture the excitement that I used to feel during the holidays. The Christmas shopping lists, the gifts, the food...everything else about the Holidays made me tingle with excitement. Then one day, I lost everything. It's like growing up all over again. This time though it didn't happen in a series of years but in one single jolt. There I was all of a sudden, sad and afraid. Not wanting for Christmas to come and once there hoping that it passes by as fast as possible.

I really can't tell why I feel this way...Maybe because the loneliness that I feel, that tugging feeling that I learned to hide during regular days, is magnified during the Holidays, when everything's supposed to be merry and bright.