Sidelines

Two weeks and I've been flooded by binary thoughts. Anything that has something to do with you, and everything that has nothing to do with you.

Recent events made me take one last glance to the past before I decided to step off the road and park along the unused paved jackets. I told myself I want to be out of the game to be able to watch everything from the sidelines soon. I may be retiring a lot earlier than expected. Knowing myself though, I'd be itching to be back in the fastlane soon. For now, let me watch from here.

If I get a ticket for every single time I pull over, I'd have an entire suitcase filled with it. History tells me that sometimes it's just better to pull back and let everyone else get ahead of you. You let people get their way, you let friends take your place, you let family on your space and you let strangers take what's supposed to be yours. And it might seem to most like a sad fate, but it actually gives me more relief than one can imagine. After all, you can gauge the wealth you have with what you are willing to give up. I am willing and most of the time, able to give up almost everything for almost everyone and tells me one thing. People, man, woman, child, friends and foe, lovers and family...they are still the most important things to me. That tells me a lot.

I will be forever amazed at how resilient a person in love can be. What's more amazing is the amount of courage people display when they are hurt by those same people they have loved. No one's been spared of heartbreak. That singular moment when one honestly believes that pain could kill him in an instant. Well, we're all still alive aren't we? And we all went past that moment unknowingly.

Maybe, what I simply wanted to say is this: Man is a great creature. We have the intellect that made us great, and we have the emotions that made us even greater. But that our greatest enemy is also our greatest salvation...We find the best and worst things in each other. If only we get to appreciate that even our enemies are to be thanked for and that even adversaries could be friends in the end, we'd all end up on the side street willing to cheer on our opponents once in a while.

I'm cheering on a lot of people now.

I'm cheering you...You who taught me the real meaning of family, of forgiveness and of pride. I don't want anything to do with you anymore, I'd rather be miles away with nothing in me than be with you and feel remorse for everything that you took from me and everyone that I love. Still, I'm cheering you. I know life is lonely on your side of the road. And I know that going through the motions of life with nothing to look back on makes you wonder where you're headed. You'd get there...one way of another.

I'm cheering you...You who told me that happiness is my responsibility. I know that, I told other people about that myself and I saw first hand what it meant. I have to take responsiblity over my life and take hold of the the things that would make me complete and happy, after all, everyone would unconsciously or consciously put themselves first before any other person. And that's exactly what you. You put everyone else behind you and you used them and ruined them. I pity you yet I cheer you. You're the first person who admitted that there's nothing wrong for being responsible over your own happiness...just like me. I cheer for you. I hope you find yourself and the source of that wonderful forever we've long talked about. And though you broke me into pieces, you are yet to ruin me...I'd leave that to forever to happen *wink*

I'm cheering you...You who taught me that I can be head of this family. It's a big responsibility to take on but it seems you are not willing to take it so I had to step in. I don't think I'm doing a great job either, I have to admit. But I am more than proud that I was willing to take over and still manage to make improvements, though the travel is excruciatingly slow, we'd get there with or without you. Let me wish you that in the years to come you might understand why I've been pushing you to move ahead when you're more than content to stay behind. I hope that time would finally reveal to you why I've challenged you every step of the way and why until now I'm crying like a child everytime you decide to dall behind...I am still A CHILD after all. I am your child.

And the list goes on. Let me tell you though, the view behind the wheel and the view beside the road are a lot different. It won't hurt to step out of the race once in a while. It's worth every second lost.