It's All In My Head

There's always that one person that would always have your heart...

Sad...I don't believe that first love never dies. It has to, or else you're forever held by that one person. But I do believe in loving someone so much that for a moment, he is the only person you can think of loving. No one but him. No one.

Stand back you're dancing kinda close, I feel a little poke comin' through from you...Baby, when we're grindin I get so excited...

I miss hittin' the dancefloor. I can't really say if I'm a good enough dancer, but I like dancin', THAT I'm sure of. There's nothing sexier than sharing a dance with someone you like, may it be a friend or someone...errr...who's willing to be more.

Cause it's all in my head, I think about it over and over again, I replay it over and over again, and I can't take it, I can't shake it no more...

One pain that became almost unbearable is the thought that someone else has claimed the person what used to be yours and yours alone. The moment you can no longer call the person you love "mine" can bring so much pain that you'd have to take it over and over...

***Those were the last three songs that I heard. Really though, I'm super in love with the last one. I just so love the memories it brings to me. Ironic that the song talks of how the person os reminded of one of the things he has to endure as he lost his love, but I can only remember one person who made my everyday great. He's not anywhere near me. He's nowhere near fallin for me. He's not mine. Yet, he makes me want to smile, yeah, over and over again.

No One Cares...Really.

One thing I learned from writing is that no one really cares. Not with the same amount of passion the writer puts into his words. Not the same amount of love one hopes to send to his readers. Not the same amount of understanding the writer had at that moment of singular synchrosity with his mind.

More than ever, I feel alone when I write. I'd always tell people that I might wear my heart on my sleeves but my mind is hidden someplace else. When I write, I visit that someplace else. And I'm alone.

There was a time I had so many things to say. When everything I feel and think is translated into words. I stopped a few years back. It started to dawn on me, that what I write is something apart from everyone else who reads 'em. For those who can feel me through the words I write, I give my deepest appreciation, they after all, was able to catch a glimpse of my someplace else.

No one cares. Really. But that's fine by me.

I'm Back

Hmmm...Lemme tell you, even if I wasn't so sure at first that I'd enjoy our trip...I did...Hell, can you blame me if I'm not in the mood to hit the beach when Christmas is just around the corner?

Anyway, everything went well. I'd just post some pics since I'm in no mood to make kwento...Basta its enough that we'd had fun...

On our way...

Mindorinne Oriental

Lumumba for me...


One last hirit before we leave.

That's An Option

You know what, maybe you're right. Maybe we should just end this friendship. As it seems everything's just way too complicated, and we haven't even gone pass the kissing-but-friends-only stage.

No need to explain.

Let's just do that.

Let's end this friendship, but unlike what you have in mind, can we just end there as well?

Summer In My Mind

Though I'm totally oppsed to the plan, we're heading to Galera tomorrow morning. By this time tomorrow I'd be headin south to the Batangas Pier...I'm excited still. Havenlt been out of Luzon ever...errr...since I went to Hong Kong.

Break, finally.

Interview With The Viewer

I am one to say that being in control and having the run of things is one of the most important things in my life. I don't live with being reckless, the plan is to have no plan at all life. I just can't. As much as it's interesting, and even highly enviable, I've a feeling I'd burst into pieces if I do force myself into such a life. I am after all am a control freak of some sorts.

In cases when people get the best of me, when they actually succeed in pushing me to the edge of my careful sanity, I feel so defenseless. I know they mean well, but I am quite uncomfortable knowing that their every word has adverse effect in my own pitiful reactions. Not good. Not at all.

Buzz

Everything's been pretty laid back these past week or so. Must've been the effects of having four new people. Our group is growing. I'd be glad though if my paycheck is growing by the same rate. But I'm glad still. I love the power that I have over everyone. Including the OMs and SMs. Heehee~ They can't live without us. Ohhh~

I'm still having a hard time teaching one of the newbies. Really is hard to teach old dogs new tricks. Really, really hard. As a matter of fact, I've almost accepted the fact that he'd always be the rotten tomato among my babies. Hehe~ Yeah, my babies...Wekwek!

I'm so darn sleepy. And almost always hungry. I guess it's safe to say, I'm officially PMS-ing. Careful now. Don't get too close. Might bite yah.

Really Now...

Global Personality Test Results

Stability (53%) medium which suggests you are moderately relaxed, calm, secure, and optimistic. Orderliness (66%) moderately high which suggests you are, at times, overly organized, reliable, neat, and hard working at the expense of flexibility, efficiency, spontaneity, and fun. Extraversion (70%) high which suggests you are overly talkative, outgoing, sociable and interacting at the expense too often of developing your own individual interests and internally based identity.

Take Free Global Personality Test

personality tests by similarminds.com

Never Stopped Crying

Some people can cover the world with their laughter. Others can fill the ocean with their tears. Me, I just cry silently. No tears. No sob. No clue.

Some people are blessed. I am lucky that I can cry in silence.

I'm Officially A Print Ad Model

Hey, I gave it a shot, they liked what I submitted, so there! They decided to print it. I'm so galeng...C'mon, please don't mutter under your breath. Cut me some slack.

Oh, and by the way, my mom was so excited and proud she bought a copy of the Inquirer Sunday Ed first thing thjis morning and she was proudly showing it to every family member once they reach the bottom steps of our stairs...Hahaha! My brother was not happy to see my picture early that morning, I saw it in his grimace. I've an assumption of what went through his head, "Ma, don't show me Ate's picture, haven't had breakfast yet!" Hahaha~

Meetings

Had the almost monthly meeting with the peyups people. Was pressed for time though. Had to get home early since it's Dad's birthday today. When you're like who has a tendency to forget everyone's birthday (like my Mom's, my Lola's and my Daddy's) you'd like to make up by attending the patriarch's day...or in my lolo's case, his night.

My cousin's were no longer around when I came. It just so happen that it's also their "other" lolo's birthday and so they had to transfer camp. But heck, the food's still warm, vodka bottles are still unopened...Toast!

Tomorrow we'd meet up again. Abel just told me so...So much for making tipid...I'm a pauper once again! They have to pay up soon...Nananawagan po ako kay Abel at Yuri...heehee~

Trench

Been falling into a hapless pile these past few days. I guess, the hormones are starting to kick in. Was able to do something yesterday morning that I haven't done in a long time. Tinker with photoshop and show my work to others. I'm really excited. Hahaha~

I just made another boo-boo...No one to blame but myself. Again, I feel like I've cast myself off into the depths of a trench. Sinking deeper than anyone ever before. Can I cling onto the rocky cliff instead? Can I close my eyes and pretend that I won't hit the bottom? Can I hope for a flying savior who'd catch me? Of course not. Never. Remember, never.

There was a time when I was more than convinced of what I wanted. Reality, as always, has a way of pulling your doubts out in the open. Mine's exposed to the core. Can't you see it? Maybe not, as usual, no one can find my mind. Lately, there's only been one reason for hiding. He's back. I dragged him out of his slumber. My bad. Now I can dream of a slumbering giant.

I'm Inspired

Nah! But I'm willing to do extra things. Something to keep me on my toes I guess. Something to test me once again. I'm too afraid to venture out of my comfort zone, then I'd invite the challenges to enter the ring instead...Here comes another fight I'd have to win...

Speaking of which, I just won! A small battle but something that might tip the scale so I can actually win the war....Another power struggle...Nah, It's not the mental game I'm so used to playing (and which is way too dragging...) but another game that I'm just starting to play, and obviously am winning. *enter evil laugh here*

Hmm, a friend also gave me one of the best news of the day. Good thing he learned to listen to me. It means alot when he said that he kept on hearing my words telling him to do asomething about his life. He's picking up again. Well, I don't wanna keep my hopes too high since I know that for the longest time he's been known to slowly fall back to his old wayward self. But, slowly, I'm glad, he's pickin' up.

"Sabaw" Moments

Horoscope (Friendster.com)

Small talk is fine, but when you need to make a connection, cut to the chase.

You're busy, as usual -- that, of course, is nothing new; it's something you've become used to. Just for the moment, though, why not devote some time to pure, unadulterated fun? That's after you're done with your work for the day, and this includes not just your usual duties, but also something someone else has managed to either forget to do or put off until tomorrow.


*****

i am the purple witch...
i am in a state of metamorphosis.
i am learning to be absolutely me.
i am desperate to find what i can become.
i am excited to see what i can achieve.
i am patiently waiting to see the real me.


*****

i'm plain and me. i see things quite differently, and that's probably why i get along with most people. and those i hate, i tend to hate forever. hahaha!

my family thinks i'm the devil incarnate, the bitchy daughter and the good for nothing niece. but i'm their fave, weird family huh? my friends think i'm an angel, with glowing wings and all. but they claim i'm also taray. and they just love to drag me to their drinking sessions and yosi breaks even when i can only handle 2 bottles of beer tops and not a single stick of cig.

i can't explain why i love mushy films when in reality i am overly pessimistic, especially when it comes to MY lovelife. i love to stay up the entire night as long as i've good company with me. i'm enjoying my single blessedness, the feeling of being available but unattainable makes me wanna puke though. i like the new person that came out of me after last year's hiatus, i now have a personality, finally! haha! people fear me now. which is good, considering i used to be invisible to the general public.

i love what i'm doing, but i'm not so ecstatic about my job. i like being on top of everything. i want to be in charge. i don't like to drag my work longer than what's needed. i hate it when people think of me lightly. i try to prove my worth to myself more than anyone else. i play by the rules but i make sure the rules would work for me. i bend when needed, but i would charge into anything that would get in my way...after careful, tactical deliberation. i know when to accept defeat and i know when to acknowledge that the game is just beginning.

i've been through a lot, compared to most people i know. i've so many secrets no one can tell which is which. i carry my heart on my sleeves that's why some thinks they know me, but really, my mind's hidden someplace else, like a different dimension maybe.

i think too much. i cry too often. i laugh out loud. i sing like a diva, i act like a primadonna. i love too much. i am PERFECT ;p


*****

h****: one day you gotta tell me what language those emoticons of yours are using.
p******: chinese, me thinks
h****:: hmmm....
p******:or taiwanese
h****:: maybe taiwanese....chinese is so common.
p******: true...maybe...
h****:: i'd like to believe they're taiwanese...or korean...
p******: okay!
h****: hahaha! cutie!
p******: gtg dear, text me

Note: h**** did. p****** said nothing.

Random Chat

Place: Home
Time: Noon
Why: Can't sleep so why noit go on chat?
Why him: He's the only person online who'd talk to me.


h****: psst
n****: umiihi ka?
h****: bad ka...wala...
h****: feeling out of tune lang naman!
h****: lagi kang online ha!
n****: a...akala ko..hehe
h****: ikaw talaga, bad ka minsan!
n****: researching, my dear. have lesson plans to make and lectures to construct. anong minsan? hehe
h****: ok fine...madalas. buti nalang ako super bait
n****: no comment. sabi mo. e
h****: ask around. hahahaha...i'm super bait
h****: hay...sometimes i want to poke my eyes out or something. la lang
n****: yup, especially to ur boytoys, hehe
n****: poke your eyes out? wag naman.
n****: e di u won't be able to see my cute face anymore
h****: akala ko ba bad ako sa boys? labo mo minsan! heehee
n****: cge, tumawa ka.
h****: wow! oo nga naman, i wont see just how gifted i am...mwahahahahaha
h****: aba pano mo nalamang matatawa ako?
n****: cuz ur mind's just as dirty as mine
h****: pero weird ha. ang pangit may nagkakagusto, ako wala!
h****: mwahahaha....how'd you know?
n****: obvious, ba?
n****:si r****** lang ang mabait sa atin. (ubo)
h****: errr....
n****: si batchy...(ubo, sinok)
h****: ha? anong si batchy?
h****: si batchy mabait din or si batchy pangit?
h****: mwahahahahaha
n****: si batching tuldok
n****: double mwahahahaha
h****: ang bad mo....
h****: si batchy masyadong touchy kaya nabulyawan ko one time!
n****: thats why the world loves me.
h****: errr...explain the statement above please
n****: to know me is to love me
h****: why so? hahahahaha
h****: i'm not myself.
n****: sinasaniban ka? lumabas ka sa katawan ni h****!!!!
h****: hinde nga e...parang ito nga yung totoong h**** minsan e...labo noh?
h****: told ya!
n****: omigod!!!! the possession is complete!!! h**** is gone forever!!!
h****: mwahahahahaha~ really now...e di you'd miss me
n****: k lang. the new h**** is ok pa rin. buti na lang marumi ang utak at bad sa boys, hehehe.
h****: hinde ako bad sa boys
h****: you dont miss the old h****? hmf!
h****: http://www.love.2loop.com/
h****: One weird summer day at Katips you see the most wonderful creature you have ever seen. His name is P****** , and every move he makes just turns you on more and more. You nudge your best friend K****** and say, "Wow, that has to be the most scared body I have ever seen."
h****: Suddenly, he looks in your direction and starts walking right towards you!!! He says, "I noticed you staring at me from over there. I just had to tell you, that I think you are so clean , and was wondering if you'd like to go to Makati with me and make out ?"
h****: With a stupid smile on your face you say, " oh my! " and go with him. When you finally get to Makati , he moves closer to you, and gives you the biggest kiss ever. The two of you are passionately kissing, when you feel a table hit you on the back of the head. You open your eyes to find out it's all a dream, but there is a note left next to your bed.
h****: wahahaha
n****: oo nga pala, good ka sa kanila. (when ur bad ur very, very good, d ba?) great fantasy. when r u gonna act it out?
h****: like NEVER
n****: uh no fun
n****: no fun at all
h****: when i'm bad i'm very, very good? weird!
n****: demons have more fun than angels, ya know
h****: no guy available to act it with dear....
h****: i know...that's y we have fallen angels...inggit sila
n****: madali lang to get someone. if u have the guts
h****: maybe i don't
n****: maybe u do
h****: and...maybe that's not what i want.
n****: yeah sure. they all say that. B.I. ba?
h****: nah...you're just testing me
n****: my job. 40 days in the desert
n****: yo. split na me. c ya. going to arki na.
h****: yeah..more like years in the desert
n****: ok, see yah!

***Note: Names are held. Things discussed here are of no importance, morally or intellectually.