Untitled (who's counting? not me)

Ooohhhh...Can a rant some more? Rant, rant, rant! Nah, it's not helping me one bit. I just felt like doing so or saying or or for this matter typing it so. It's not helping. i'm not helping myself and I'm just making it worse, if you'd ask my sorry opinion.

Addiction is something I can understand. People get addicted to a lot of things. I know now how Bugiy felt back then he was still doin drugs, I know what my other friends are feeling now when they're just in bad need of a cig spiff. I know how it feels like to crave for something. And no, it's not just for caffeine. That's milder and more controllable.

I know how it is to be addicted. And it's so darn frustrating most of the time. Why? Because I am aware. I know I got a problem. I know I should do something about it. Heck, I even have an idea on how to handle it. Then again, look at me...still hooked. Craving. Wanting. Lusting.

No Intiende

You! Wassup with you? What the hell is this thing you're pulling on me again? Games are no longer welcome, y'know? We're way to old for those. Aren't you? Grow up na! Peter pan syndrome won't help you. It ain't helping me anyway. So please stop before we get to a point where I don't even want to be your friend.

Just give up.

Been Meaning To

Been meaning to do something big in my life. I thought that I can achieve this by changing myself. I tried to anyway. I like what became of me. I love what I did to myself, physically and more even. One thing that caught me by surprise is knowing all along that just by acknowledging that change CAN happen is enough.

I've been meaning to change something about how I see everything around me. I don't feel the need now anymore. It's not worth it. Not worth another try.

I hope this is for real, not just a passing moment of exhaustion.

Outta! Outta!

Wahoo! Saw Narnia yesterday with my sibs.

Saw Randy and Rei as well.

Outta! Outta!

Bad thing though, I don't have any cash left. Shucks! Do I hear a "swoosh-swooshing" sound? Hahahaha...Got 2 new shoes, a new pair of pants and a super kewl shirt. Can you give it to me?

No, No, No

So darn tired. Darn, darn tired.

I saw Patrick though. AND Randell...One for pleasure and one for business. Does that mean i'm covered for the day? Well, I AM covered in sh*t. Awwwwwwwww~

Bad Phone!

How can you let me down? I paid for you dearly. So much that my credit bill is screaming with dots and bullets. I made sure that you're on the most scratch-free surface I can find and I lovingly pressed on your sweet little buttons like you're the most precious thing on earth.

How can you let me down? You're a very expensive piece of metal...

I missed seeing two of my friends because of you...

Stupid mobile!

Stupid.

How can you let me down?

Please No...

Yuri wrote something that made me spin with solid and screaming fear...Please Lord...Let it not be the case....Please...

Female Attraction

First time I ever stalked a female. I'd admit to stalking some of my crushes...This is the only time though that I found myself wanting to see more than the usual friendster account, and I'm not referring to a he but a she. Surprisingly, she's also the only sister of my biggest ever male crush. How appropos?!

I read from cosmo that most women have same sex crushes. Not because of homosexual tendencies but because of pure admiration. That women, tend to look for a role model that they can watch and follow. I guess I finally found mine.

For the longest time I tried to find out everything that I can about her Kuya, him being my most major crush ever after my "papa-hawaiian" stage. I wasn't able to get much. A few bits and pieces that I had to stranggle out of him. In the end I gave up, threw my hands up and shrugged him off. One day I just told myself to stop and simply make assumptions based purely on what I would like to think...which ARE pure and biased assumptions...nothing more, nothing less.

Then he gave me an idea. He told me he googled himself and he found some interesting references about himself. I googled him, in return for his bright idea. And thanks to his marvelous suggestion I found something more interesting than I'd ever imagine. What's more is I found a woman that's living the life that I've always wanted.

I really don't know why I'm doing this. It's bordering freaky actually. I'm wary of stalkers following me, and now, here I am following every single lead that I have of her. It's quite addicting. From her blog, to her profession and passion, to her extra curricular activities, shows and gigs and of course, her family. Through her I saw him in a very different light. Through her I caught a glimpse of the life he so badly kept from me. Through her I'm starting to understand him...My admiration deepens.

Now I can't seem to stop. I want to know more about this wonderful woman who holds this wonderful man by his hand and calls him family.

New Day, Old Friend, Same Story

Had breakfast with Glenn. Nothing really special, just a singular moment of being able to see past the hoopla that ended it all and just be with an old familiar friend.

One thing I remembered yet again with that encounter is the amount of passion I have for being someone who can actually make things happen. I've, for so long, dreamt of having enough power to change something. A little radical push to make things better, in my own sensible way.

I am sometimes too engrossed with my personal demons that I forget what I am here for. No, I'm not here to simply be...I am here to make a difference, to start a spark and even to produce a revolution. Big or small, it won't matter. I guess, I just want to be heard.

Negate The Ordinary

Many times I've tried to see past the familiar person that I see everytime I look at a mirror. I'm one of those who believes in knowing oneself first. Of being totally aware of one's spirit and mind. Of internalizing the being and in delving inward for greater purpose and knowledge.

I'm not good at it. Really. I'm still kinda lost. But I'm not one to lose hope on myself.

What I'm tryni to say is that, I don't want an ordinary life. I don't want a simple life. I want something different. I want to be challenged. I want pressure. I want to feel extreme pain and I want extreme exhiliration. I want something so intense it would be almost tangible. I want movement and chaos. I want too much and overbearing control. I want a crazy and beautiful life.

Now do I make sense? That's it! I don't want to make sense!!!

I may be doomed after all...

Forget The Feeling!

Hanne, just forget it.

Let go.

You're damn tired. You've worked endless hours these past few days. You've compressed an entire week's load in 2 days, you're doing extra work for recruitment and you're in physical pain.

Sleep.

Rest.

Stop waiting.

Stop.

aaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! When's my new phone gonna be delivered? i want, I want! Now! Heehee~ Can't sleep, I was informed it will be delivered today. Hurry up delivery man, will ya!

Little Things

I'm in no mood to write, but since I've nothing better to do, I thought I should at least do something here! Just this one night I get to interact with so many people with just one tool --- internet! Isn't it amazing?

The moment I went online, windows started to pop up left and right. The technology of Instant Messaging! Wonderful ain't it?

I was able to get some tips from Noreen on how to handle this pain I'm goign through right now. Wek! Cramps...Hate 'em. Jane gave me some new emoticons to play with. Apple was checkin on me a while ago as well. Glenn and I are jsut chatting about work in general. Patrick is on YM checkin my webcam feeds. Then there's Randy who finally got the time to say more than 3 words to me. And Kait!!! Ahhhh, I wanna go out with Kait again. Anywhere! I just wanna spend time with her. Brings me back to those days when the phone receiver is glued onto my ears for hours and us just discussing anything that we can think of. Shallowness~ hahaha~

Just now I remembered several things that needs my careful attention. Waaaaahhhhh~ I wanna head to work all of a sudden. Ayaw ko matabunan ng work. Sheesh! It's so hard to miss a day at work. Makes you feel like an eternity ahs passed and every other thing has been handed onto your hands. Wek! My fault there. Really.

Also, i read my friendster horoscope a while ago. Dunno what to think. I guess, taht's why its "hula" and "by the stars"...And jsut when I thought they we're hitting the target. Last week was really perfect. Bull's eye babe! Now, we're back to sablay. WIsh someone can give really correct predictions. That way we know what are the things that we need to deal with on a day to day case. Hahahaha~ No fun. I Know. No fun at all.

I'm chatting with Louie in one window and Randy and Rei on the other. Ohhh, miss them so.

Waaahhhhh! Rei's due date is on March 26th. Ohhhh....Baby boy! Heehee! Exciting.

Really?!

Dreaming Insomiac (Returns)

I'm back to being the sleepless being that I've been last. I could care less really. I just dunno what the heck is wrong. I'm not thinking of anyone. I don't have any mind shattering problem, I'm not broken-hearted nor am I in love. I'm not on a gimik. I'm not having fun somewhere. I'm just here. In my room, in bed, lying awake. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

I Got Your Back

Looking back, I can honestly say it was a good year. 2005 was good to me.

I just wish that this coming year would be a lot better. I'd really, really like to make things better. If I need to amp up everything in my life in order to do so, I would. I'm never one who'd pass an opportunity to make something better out of herself. Well, maybe I get tired and strung...heck, I sometimes need downtime. Then again, as noted by my critic of a sister, she'd want me to be her Sims-character, then she won't need to make her rest or sleep cause I just go on and on and on...Hmmm, I can give the energizer bunny some tips if he'd like.

Also, I promised myself that I'd be more fun and carefree this year. I'd try to balance work and play more. Though I honestly think I'm doing a wonderful job right now, everyone thinks I'm way overworked. Hmmm....Is that why I'm gaining so much weight? Oh, and that too! I'd have to take care of myself more. As Louie pointed out, I have to be concerned with my body more. Fine! I'm just looking around for an apt gym partner. You can't expect me to go there alone.

Looking back, I know I've got luck and fate on my back. They seem to be having a blast making sure that I've enough challenges every single day of my life. I can't stop thinking of what destiny brewed especially for me this year. The signs says it'll be a good year. My psychic friend says it's the age of the WOMEN. I'm a woman, I've got fate ready behind me and I'm challenging destiny to pave my path. This'll be a great year.