Conversations

Note: Contents may be a bit unsettling for others. Things like these are not meant to be shared but then the purpose of this blog is to document, as closely as possible, my life in it's entirety. Experiences, conversations, thoughts, ideas, emotions...all that and more. I guess this conversation falls on the "more" category.

I had a short chat with 2 guy friends. Both important to me. Both marvelous in their own way. Both cares for me. And both I love. If love could be described you could say that one is like chocolates, deliciously tempting and sinful as hell, while the other one is similar to mom's home cooked waffles, comforting and constant. I read somewhere that men can be categorized into 2: muffins and doughnuts. Doughnuts are tempting and deliriously sweet, but looks all soggy and runny the next day if not kept frozen. Muffins on the other hand isn't much of a looker, but would stick it up for days to end. That's a keeper right there. Then again, none of them are muffins. One's a definite doughnut in and out, the other one's a doughnut without the icing. Less tempting but a doughnut still.

Guy 1: hi mahal. http://www.nonstandardized.com/fw/
Me: Ano yan?
Guy 1: Wala lang, good read.
Me (after reading the link): you know her?
Guy 1: No, kasama lang siya sa daily reads ko.
Me: fuck, that's me right there. now ask me, do i want to move on?
Guy 1: sabi ko naman sayo sex na lng tayo. Makakalimutan mo lahat.
Me: It's not that easy dear.
Guy 1: no its easy ur just making it a bit complicated!
Me: You and me? Have sex? And then what? Forget it ever happened? Just like with everyone else? or we'd do it again?
Guy 1: i didnt say we'll forget it.
Me: So wed do it again? Point is I'm not like that. That doesn't seem right.
Guy 1: we'll do that to cherish each other
Me: me having sex with someone and thinking of someone else. cherish each other?
Guy 1: cherish that it happened
Me: you still in love with me?
Guy 1: No, not like before. i guess before was too much complicated, friends, company and everyone there. atleast now, im not there anymore.
Me: and that makes it easier? without the love? kinda hard for me to swallow still. bitter pill.
Guy 1: i guess im being playful right now. and i know u dont deserve someone like me.
Me: maybe i do. who knows...all im saying is that's unfair. to you and to me and to him.
Guy 1: we're all used to it. ryt? and immune, i guess!?
Me: used to what? being unfair?
Guy 1: Yeah.
Me: i still wanna believe that we deserve something better. if not the very best. not just me but you too and everyone else. good though is a relative word. what's good enough for me might be hell shitty for ya. and so sometimes we just have to cut each other some slack.


And then I talked to Guy 2 and asked his opinion. He made his point. I got that. I just wish I was not in love with him though.

And we continued.

Me: when did you become so cynical so you dont think youd fall again and that maybe that time it'll last longer.
Guy 1: i wont fall in love again? maybe. im stonecold ryt now. read this:


If love was a bird then we wouldn’t have wings, if love was a sky we’d be blue
If love was a choir you and I could never sing cause love isn’t for me and you
If love was an Oscar you and I could never win cause we can never act out our parts
If love is the Bible then we are lost in sin because its not in our hearts
If love was a fire then we have lost the spark; love never felt so cold
If love was a light then we’re lost in the dark left with no one to hold
If love was a sport we’re not on the same team: you and I are destined to lose
If love was an ocean then we are just a stream cause love isn’t for me and you

Me: so you're telling me we're NEVER supposed to be together. at all.
Guy 1: we're? as in WE?i dont know. its like this...when i wanted to it seems like ur going further. and if ur being sweet and caring. parang la lang.
Me: you're right. we're just off. you and me.
Guy 1: see. i don't know why but it seems we're really not meant for each other. not to enjoy each other's company as such. sad as it may seem.


Then I said no more.