The Plan

Last week I was ALMOST devastated. ALmost because I never really got to that point where I really am devastated. A short chat with Nonoy is all I needed I guess. He told me a lot of things that I knew already. I'd have to admit though, it feels different when it comes from someone else, it makes your ideas feel so small and irrelevant. That the grand plan I had before is so inconsequential compared to that simple reality that he's trying to make me understand and accept.

I have to learn to be alone, he said. I have to learn to find happiness within myself and not from my friends or work. That i have to find a life, because my work and my family is a need but that's not what I want. And so for the past week I've been trying to re-plan everything in my life just so that I can find that happiness, that passion, that life within me.

Currently, I'm looking for a new hobby, something that I've always wanted to do. I have several things in mind but I haven't decided whichone I'd like to pursue. Well, no hurry anyway.

Then he told me that maybe I should reconsider my job, another company maybe? That i might need to check on. I feel that I have stopped growing here professionally. I learned tons of things in the past 3 months being a scheduler. My prowess with excel increased by tenfolds. My strategic thinking became more viable and my planning abilities became, to say the least, at par with everything that's expected of me. I never really went through the learning curve that people would usually use to excuse themseves. I can't commit any mistakes. I can't extend deadlines. And I can't opt not to do my job well. ANything less of perfect is unacceptable. And I had to grapple my way along most of the time. So far so good. Nothing lost. Just my sanity.

What I'm trying to sat is that I think I'm ready to take on something new. I think, after a year and half of waiting that I am finally ready to take on a higher position. What that position is, I'm still deciding. Money is with operations, that is one fact everyone's aware of. And money is something I can definitely work with. After all, I won't be working if I don't need it. And in this business, one thing I learned is that you'd need to learn to market yourself. I'm now planning on my next move...To whom should I market myself? SOunds gory and too compicated, but really, that's something half the population of Metro Manila did to get where they are now. I don't see anythign wrong with that given that I can back it all up. What I lack in capabilities I can surely make up for the ability to learn it perfectly at the shortest possible amount of time.

As for my personal life. That I'll leave to fate for now. I've no enough willpower to take that into my own hands. For the longest time I was able to keep it at bay, technically and figuratively. A few more months won't hurt me.