Let Me Explain

Throughout the years I've learned to be passive, apathetic almost. I hate arguments and I hate being in the middle of conflict. Like everyone else, i have my own set of personal defenses. I became withdrawn while I was growing up. I became unreachable. Trapped in a place where no one can touch me, inside my head.

I learned though that in order to build meaningful relationships one should learn to reach out. That a lot could be gained by letting one's guards down. And I did. I have to admit that I enjoyed that moment a lot. I was carefree and careless. I was naive and all-knowing. I was alive.

Well, things don't always end up well and great so one time I found myself all over the place. It took me sometime to reconstruct the old self that I know. After all, several people tore me apart, literally. So little by little I built my defenses again. But I learned from my past mistakes. i built a fortress stronger this time, but I didn't forget to place windows and doors on it. This time, I can still leave whenever I feel like it.

The fortress was built almost entirely on top of my current job. It is being balanced by the people I work with. It lays on the edge of the company that I work with. I have to admit that he was right when he said it was all bullshit. That I just don't want to leave to my comfort zone. Yes, I can't. I'm summoning the strength though. it doesn't take a genius that one day the moats will dry and the wall would crumble to dusts. I don't want to be in it when that happens.

Let me explain...this is hard on me. It's not as easy as you see it to be. Let me decide for myself. Let me.