Just A Rundown

Went to Rei's baby shower yesterday afternoon after being dead for 17 hours straight. Heavenly bliss. Finding yourself unmoved on yopur own bed from 2PM to 7AM the following day is wonderful.

Met up with Hernan at Powerbooks. Too bad he was late, so I was not able to contain myself and became "swipe-happy" once again. Got two new books. The Labyrinth by Kate Mosse (P329) and The Dante Club (P589). Double whammy! Ouch says my card bill. I'm sure I'm gonna get a heartache come next month's billing period. Then Hernan and I decided to watch Aeon Flux. You gotta forgive me, I don't have the liberty of just asking anyone out to watch movies, so when he told me he wants to, even when my eyes were all droopy and sad I just can't say no. I still have 2 movies on my list, Memoirs and Dick&Jane...Who wants to watch em??? I'm free. Ugh! Pathetic.

Including Rei's gift, I had to shed more than I can afford. I need to get a second job. Hahaha!~

I Ain't Feelin The Love

Oh yeah, I an't feelin it Babe...But I'm feelin' you alright. Ain't that good? It should be. *wink*

Losing My Sanity

If I tell you what I've been doin' for the past 24 hours you'd call me insane. I've been called that before but I'm sure this time you'd swear I've lost my marbles. I am crazy. I am silly. And yes, I'm extremely insane.

This is not new. I've been like this before. I've been crazy and insane in the past. I loved it then, I'm loving this now. It's just so nice to let go and be myself, doin' my thing when I want it how I want it. Not caring what people would think or what people would say. Unfortunately, it works in my head, in reality, I don't wanna tell anyone the entire truth. It scares me to be judged.

Predetermined Week

My entire week as a scheduler have been pre-determined by a series of reports and tasks that need to be done with almost clockwork precision. Well, not really, but still...

I start my week of on a Monday night. Once I get in at 10PM i have to start making the 3 reports that's needed by the big bosses by midnight. I start of with the Attrition Report of the entire account where I have to check all the SFC mails sent by the Managers within the past 7 days. Counter check that with the Headcount Database (HCDB) and the Attrition Tab againts the total headcount. This is quite easy really. I just need 2 Excel files and the email to work on this. Next is the Absenteeism Report, wherein I need to check the DTR done by our payroll specialist and countercheck the number of agents from the HCDB and Blue Pumpkin againts the number of agents on Leave, E-time/E-out and who are absent. Included here are the adjustments for all OTs, E-time/E-out and other movements affecting staffed hours. I need 2 separate reports for this, one is the unadjusted, this will be the Excel Sheet that I need to attached to the email and the adjusted report which is pasted on the email body, it's like a summary really. Last and Third report that I need to send out by midnight is the Headcount report. This is easy. Can do it on less than 10 minutes. Since the HCDB has been updated, I just need to take all the agents there, paste it on another sheet and ue the Pivot table to get the max headcount per queue and per media. Easy!

After that, I start organize all the things that I'll need for the following days. I segregate all the Leave forms (per medium, then per queue then according to the date passed). I clear out the templates that I'll use for the schedules, I ready the next week's schedule on Blue Pumpkin and I clean out the HCDB for any other new SFC notices.

Tuesday, one I get in I check for an email from the Workforce/Staffing Manager of our head office. She sends out the call volume, AHT and trending for the week following the one that we are currently working on (two weeks from that date). I'd enter everything on Blue Pumpkin, run it once to get the schedules in and then enter all Special Schedules. These are specially requestes schedules like adjustments because of school or because of health issues. Once done, I'd run Blue Pumpkin for the second time. After which I'd export all the reports, per media, per queue. I'd consolidate all reports exported on the Excel sheets for the staffing models. This has to be done and emailed before 2AM, I've half my day to finish everything since by 3AM the staffing model that I sent would be discussed in the weekly conference calls we do with the GM.

Wednesday is dedicated to the Schedules. LOA and Swap requests, all movements should be done at this time. Movcements would include changes in teh Working Pattern (WP), Rest days (RD) or the Team Manager Assignemtns of the agents. The rosters are usually sent to the TMs, HR and Quezon Reporting Team. And basically just answering and accomodating several requests and pahabol from the operations. Also all events should be entered in Bklue Pumpkin by the end of this day. Events includes Leaves and Media Support (whether they be on Chat, Phone or Email medium) for any given day.

Thursday is due date. By the end of the day the schedule should be released to production with complete information regarding approved and denied leaves, approved and denied swaps, updated roster and training scehdules if any. Everything is first updated, then the schedules are exported from Blue Pumpkin and is formatted againts the Excel sheet and is linked to all the other databases that we keep.

Friday, Ive several reports still, like the max Seating, the Meal headcount and the Aircon Headcount. Basically the entire day is just for fixing all the mess that I created the entire week. Yes, Friday is clean-up day. Hopefully eveyrthing would be resolved within the 9-hour shift to rpevent any further disputes come Monday. Byt then, everything would just be too late. Also every 2nd and 4th Friday of the month I make sure that I make a new DTR tempalte for the Payrool specialist to work with. This is based on the updated (hopefully updated that is) information on the HCDB.

And that is my week. The things I described here are the pre-determined things that I need to finish and work on. It does not, in any way include the extras. Extras include plotting the leave opening for the next few weeks based on previous trands and forecast, which by the way is due tomorrow (Friday). ANd the TM-Agent movement that I did yesterday just in time to make habol for the release of the schedules today. Tight!

I love my work. Harhar!

And So

She was adamant to know the end. She wanted nothing more than the plain truth. The reason for everything that shs'e doing and all that she's trying to understand. The things behind the feelings. The thorn behind the pain and the sweetness that's inherent to such strong longing.

He's confused and lost. He wanted to so much to risk it all but has grown tired over time of the never ending cycle of downfall that he has to endure everytime. The sensation of falling and the hard hit he'd get everytime he reaches the concrete walk. The fear of hurting that one person you love just because he is who he is. The need to crawl back to where he started.

He said it first. Verbalizing everything made it seem a lot more scarier than the thought of having it out in the open.

She assumed it was all senseless jabs.

He retreated.

She followed.

Once she asked, but the look of confusion on his eyes made her retake her steps back to square one.

Again he said it out. He came out in the open with thoughts they knew they both shared.

She answered.

He smiled.

And so? Where do they head now?

And She Got Lost In The Night

p (2/22/2006 8:16:28 AM): know why I avoid committing to you even if I wanted to?
h (2/22/2006 8:17:28 AM): why?
p (2/22/2006 8:17:53 AM): because I'll end up hurting you. and i don't want that.
p (2/22/2006 8:18:13 AM): I'm telling you this so that you'd understand me better.

And so?

Signs

I gotta be honest, I've no idea what the Tarots was trying to say when they quoted the first part of the reading. My relationship with anyone is nowhere being "confident" and I'm not emotionally stable in any aspect. But the second part...I have to admit it seems almost real. No contracts yet but with plans anyway, which is far better than none and than not knowing anything at all. If only I remove all self doubt. Now how do I do that?

Now here lies the other side of the contract. The fear of not being good enough. Of taking in responsiblity that I cannot handle. The usual and most common fears, really. Still, I'm only human. I know I can, I just need a little more convincing...ANd do you have any idea how to convince oneself? Hard.

I'm A Cat

There are dogs and there are cats.

You want to know the truth about them? They're just like humans. I'm a cat. And I don't like cats. At all. My guy friends are dogs, and I like being friends with 'em. My other "older" (please stress word) guy friend believes he's the master of both. Now, because he's neither, he's definitely out of the picture.

You've got dogs. They love to see people give them attention. They'd wag their tails like crazy at the sound of their master's footsteps. They're loyal and loving mates. They'd stare at you with their huge puppy eyes and you just gotta love 'em. Once they nuzzle your legs, you're a goner. And let's not forget those huge puppy eyes, oh, I covered that already.

Basically, they're there to adore and be adored. They're there to make their masters feel special. They're there to make you feel nice and warm and cuddly all over. They're there to win you over.

Now, you've cats on the other hand. They are, essentially, the primadonnas of the animal kingdom. They'd strut their tails around you, look at you from head to foot, they'd even try to sneer at you once in a while, total royalties. They'd stare at you with piercing eyes and would measure your likeability factor every morning. They can snob you. Or they can manipulate you to like 'em whenever they want.

Basically, if they don't like you they just don't like you. And even when they do like you, if they don't wanna be held, you'd never catch them. You gotta earn their affection because they'd never come running to you like any of your puppies once you get home. And even when you've got the most luxurious and expensive cat food at hand, they can ignore you totally.

Now, am I a cat as they claim I am, or am I a cat? I really want a dog. Really.

Surviving

Whenever a challenge would come up, I'd usually keep mum about it. Basically, I just hate to have people second guessing the outcome of it all. I want to win first before I announce there was even a game. I'm not sure whether this is good or not, but I'm admitting, I'm playing a game againts myself and I can feel that I'm about to lose.

My mind is just too volatile to be man-handled right now. I'm slowly loosening my grip and self control. TRYING is a awful hard word right this very moment. I'm trying to get myself on track...TRYING.

I Thought Wrong

Playing mind games was my forte. I used to love it. I'd always claim that few can best me and strangle me cold. Stealth was my weapon. I was never found. I'll always be the sweet girl that everyone thinks I am.

One person can attest to this. He was after all, my best friend, turned enemy turned friend once again. And lemme tell you, he'd paint a picture so gruesome you'd never think I am capable of pure evil. I am. I know that and I've learned to harness it to my advantage.

Until now.

I love playing mind games. I love to engage in duels where one must outwit, outsmart and outplay the other without anyone even realizing that a war is being waged. I love to know the extent of my hold over someone psychologically. I love to measure the prowess of my skills by swaying thoughts, ideas and opinions whichever way I wanted it to go.

Until now.

I used to believe I was the best in this game. I wanted to seek challenge and be challenged. I found my match.

Now I stare dumbly into the space in front, the area where he used to stand. Footprints still fresh, the air still warm, the shadow still percievable. He claimed everything. He won the game.

I should've known...I should've realized that I'd never win againts him. Never.

The Problem With Me

The problem with me, just like the rest of humanity is that I just don't learn. I just can't. How many times do I need to be stung to remember and know that I'm never supposed to play with thorns? How many? Tell me will ya, cause I'm freakin' losing it.

I gotta learn, second chances are for losers. I gotta learn. Fast. Soon. Now.

Rant

Problem with people is that they'd never learn. They're just plain....stuppeeeed.

My Department

Well, I've nothing to do...and I can't sleep..So lemme give you a tour of my one-woman-department...

Hmm...

Happiness is relative. I'm happy...and miserable.

Into The Night I Left

Within the hollows of the elevator he pulled her againts him.

"Why not?" He asked her, rubbing his temple on her cheeks. Hands clasped around wrists.

"Because." She answered. Ignoring the sweet scent of his skin so close to her face.

Slowly his arms encircled her waist. He pulled her an inch closer. He pinned her againts the metal cladding of the hidden world that they're in.

Lips parted. Arms flailed. Tongues brushed one another. Fingers traced unknown patterns of delight. Deep breaths. Fluttering chests. Blank heads.

*ding*

Another floor. Another day. They headed out to the cold dimly lit corridor. She walking ahead, determined to lose him. Him following her her, catching up within several strides.

He grabbed her from behind and dragged her to him. Lightly he pressed his face onto her neck whispering, "Let me. Just once."

"You once told me never, then let it be never." She replied.