I've heard all the pop-psychology questions yuppies are digging nowadays. From the glass being half-empty to what a stilettos girl is like to the color of your bedroom. Seems like everything is just so psychological. And I luv it!
Now, I've always maintained one answer to the ever illogical question: If you can go back in time, what would you change? I'd say nothing. No regrets. Probably the only thing I learned from Pat that's of use. Well, not really. Then again, I told myself, there's no point in thinking of the "other" possibility right? I'd just get disappointed over again. No use crying over the past when the future is fast approaching.
Knowing how much I like to indulge myself, of course I'd think of it at least once. At the very least once. So here goes...
If I could go back in time I'd change a dozen things. One of the priorities would be my birth order. Can I please go last? I don't want to be the eldest. That's what screwed everything on the first place. Being the panganay killed it for me. I was like the lab rat of the entire family. Like when they pushed me to celebrate my 18th birthday when I didn't want one but they told me I had to go through with it for whomever ("sige na para sa lola mo", "para kay tita mo", "would you let your mom down?") and I started to hate all of them for it, they decided that was it. No 18th birthday parties for my sister or other cousins. Just me. And that time when they forced me to a University and Degree they want instead of asking me what I want and in turn I dropped out of school, heck, you guess it right, they didn't do to any of my sibs or cousins. Unfortunately, I was the only one who had to endure that. See, so I DON'T want to come out first.
Now, if that ain't possible I'd probably head back to gradeschool and highschool. There I would try my best NOT to be geeky, nerdy girl. No, no, no. That killed my self confidence early on. Sure I can win spelling bees and essay contests, heck, I can join international and national competitions, but in the end, no one cares. Plus, the hard part about being on top is that you've gotta keep yourself up there. Hate it. The climb up is always better than staying on top. OF ANYTHING. Well, almost anything weeeeee~
Then, there's college. I'd still probably head to UP since that's where I started to get my personality. I'd probably still start out with Architecture BUT I'd definitely move to another college and course by my second year. I won't let my family hold me to it. Heck, they're not the one being creamed by Math 53 nor are they the ones computing for all those super stressing engineering problems. What do they know? I'd still end up screwed up apparently. So I won't listen to them.
After that, I'd make sure that I'd NEVER bring any guy at home. Regardless of all the things they told me (that they'd rather meet my suitors than not know who they are, that I can have all boyfriends I want as long as they know them, that I can be free by 18) I just won't. NEVER EVER TRUST MY FAMILY in that. Oh no. I won't. I'd prolly tell them when I'm either already pregnant or about to be married. Haha, anything prior to that, would be kept top secret.
Lastly, I'd play more and think less.
Now, I have to stop feeling sorry. This life ain't going anywhere and I'm taking control. Somehow.
Now, I've always maintained one answer to the ever illogical question: If you can go back in time, what would you change? I'd say nothing. No regrets. Probably the only thing I learned from Pat that's of use. Well, not really. Then again, I told myself, there's no point in thinking of the "other" possibility right? I'd just get disappointed over again. No use crying over the past when the future is fast approaching.
Knowing how much I like to indulge myself, of course I'd think of it at least once. At the very least once. So here goes...
If I could go back in time I'd change a dozen things. One of the priorities would be my birth order. Can I please go last? I don't want to be the eldest. That's what screwed everything on the first place. Being the panganay killed it for me. I was like the lab rat of the entire family. Like when they pushed me to celebrate my 18th birthday when I didn't want one but they told me I had to go through with it for whomever ("sige na para sa lola mo", "para kay tita mo", "would you let your mom down?") and I started to hate all of them for it, they decided that was it. No 18th birthday parties for my sister or other cousins. Just me. And that time when they forced me to a University and Degree they want instead of asking me what I want and in turn I dropped out of school, heck, you guess it right, they didn't do to any of my sibs or cousins. Unfortunately, I was the only one who had to endure that. See, so I DON'T want to come out first.
Now, if that ain't possible I'd probably head back to gradeschool and highschool. There I would try my best NOT to be geeky, nerdy girl. No, no, no. That killed my self confidence early on. Sure I can win spelling bees and essay contests, heck, I can join international and national competitions, but in the end, no one cares. Plus, the hard part about being on top is that you've gotta keep yourself up there. Hate it. The climb up is always better than staying on top. OF ANYTHING. Well, almost anything weeeeee~
Then, there's college. I'd still probably head to UP since that's where I started to get my personality. I'd probably still start out with Architecture BUT I'd definitely move to another college and course by my second year. I won't let my family hold me to it. Heck, they're not the one being creamed by Math 53 nor are they the ones computing for all those super stressing engineering problems. What do they know? I'd still end up screwed up apparently. So I won't listen to them.
After that, I'd make sure that I'd NEVER bring any guy at home. Regardless of all the things they told me (that they'd rather meet my suitors than not know who they are, that I can have all boyfriends I want as long as they know them, that I can be free by 18) I just won't. NEVER EVER TRUST MY FAMILY in that. Oh no. I won't. I'd prolly tell them when I'm either already pregnant or about to be married. Haha, anything prior to that, would be kept top secret.
Lastly, I'd play more and think less.
Now, I have to stop feeling sorry. This life ain't going anywhere and I'm taking control. Somehow.
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