Finding My Neverland

I was getting ready to hit the sack when I decided to check my besty's blog since I've been kinda busy the past 2 days to chat with her...I got teary eyed when I read her recent post.

It's quite obvious from my posts that I'm unsettled most of the time. Just trying to look around, finding my perfect fit, looking for my neverland of never dreams as I'd call it.

I remember just how we'd talk endlessly over the phone when we were younger. We can talk about anything, from mermaids to growing our own tails to our crushes and just about every crappy topic a pair of teens could come up with. Well, we still do, we just discussed how it'll be like if I got pregnant by a purple wall. "Mom, I'm pregnant. Kasalanan nung pader natin." And boy, if I try to open that topic with someone else I'm sure that someone would walk away from me as fast as those little feet can take...But with Kait, it's just different.

And yes, we're just way too different. One obvious example was how she would always swear she'd never have kids. And how I'd always tell her I want one as soon as possible. We're both 24 and she's got two lovely kids and I've been single for the past 2 years. Now, however ironic that may sound, I know everything's just right. After all, everything happens for a reason. It does. Really. And no, I'm not faking it.

Now, more than ever, I'm sure that my being "unsettled" is just heaven's way of telling me to keep on looking for my neverland of never dreams. I'm unsettled because I can't stop. I must have the drive to look for that something or somewhere that would make me feel and think of just how perfect everything is.

Looking for my neverland doesn't mean I don't appreciate what I have now. Looking for my place in this universe doesn't mean i'm not happy with where I am at now. Looking doesn't mean I don't see what I have. I'm sure everyone would agree when I say that sometimes, even when you have everything you could think of, even when you are aware of all the wonderful gifts you've recieved, you still look for that "extra" that would top everything. A red cherry on top of all the whipped cream. That's the thing that I'm looking for. And being unsettled is giving me that extra jolt I need to push myself and keep on looking.