In My Head

Sometimes I wish that I can take a ephemereal rest of pure nothingness. Let's say the thought of induced coma is very much welcome for a day or two. I want to achieve a moment of complete autonomy from everything else outside of my mind. Then I'd rest and relish every lasting fragment that lives in my memory.

All that I am is stored there anyway. All that defines me and makes me the me we all know is encapsulated in my head. What if I suddenly lose my memory, I would lose the most important things that would define me. People can still identify me, my family would still be my blood relative, I can go theough the process of getting to know everybody else. But I would not know the past that defined my present relationship with everyone else.

I can't describe the need that I'm feeling now to visit every living memory I have inside my head, to desensitize myself from the life that I'm leading right this moment and relive everything that is in my past instead. Sure I'd probably end up in tears since many of the prevailing memories that I got right now is made of the most unfortunate events in my short life, but then again, I also wish for that moment when I felt I was complete. I want to live the time when everything was pleasantly okay.

If i can go back to that place and time where I still have my family, my Aunts, my cousins, my Dad...If I can go back to that moment when I still have someone to love...If I can go back to that instance when everything was as it should be, as I've always wanted it to be...I'd take my chances and swim through the currents that is my memory...

Then again, I still have tons of things that I need to do now. Thousands of people to meet, countless emotions to feel, and more than enough moments to fill my lasting memories...Maybe, I can still get my perfect place and time...Maybe, sooner than I thought.