I started playing with my PC a little after midnight, it’s now 3 AM and I’m still here. I played around with photoshop and read previous entries here in my blog. Those two things brought back so many memories.
You see, I used to make a lot of self-made gifts for my special someone. I thought it would be best if it’s something that I made rather than something I bought. And my computer was one of my best tools. I made him cry dozens of times with the gifts I so lovingly prepared for him. And I never felt happier. As I was perusing through my previous posts here, I couldn’t help but relive the pain that shook my world last year. I never intended to go back. I just thought I can handle opening my boxed memories. I was wrong. I still can’t believe someone I loved can do something like that. No, I don’t love him. Yes, I hate him still…
I then remembered the conversation I had with Darlynn (who so patiently listened to my shallow kwentos) this afternoon. I realized that I’m still wary of the future and that I’m still afraid of falling for someone again. I can make up all the excuses, just like what I gave her, but in the end, I just want to protect myself.
Patrick asked me this afternoon why my YM’s status message read “YOU’re the right kind of WRONG”? I can’t seem to explain myself. I always considered myself articulate but that moment, I wasn’t able to explain anything. I did manage to conjure a very useless pseudo-meaning of the word, with which he replied that my argument is very weak. I know it’s weak. It was bordering “dumb”. How can I tell him otherwise though?
Maybe, following my weak argument, everything happened because it had to happen. Maybe because I will never know what happiness and true love is unless I’ve been dumped and trampled on. Maybe, just maybe, the possibilities and the probabilities that I’ve thought of as mine will only be given after such a series of events.
Ohhh…I’m tired. Maybe, I should just stop thinking. Maybe I should stop visiting the old pages of my life that hold such bitter memories. Maybe I should just continue with my same old dance and will someone wonderful to take me off to my Neverland.
You see, I used to make a lot of self-made gifts for my special someone. I thought it would be best if it’s something that I made rather than something I bought. And my computer was one of my best tools. I made him cry dozens of times with the gifts I so lovingly prepared for him. And I never felt happier. As I was perusing through my previous posts here, I couldn’t help but relive the pain that shook my world last year. I never intended to go back. I just thought I can handle opening my boxed memories. I was wrong. I still can’t believe someone I loved can do something like that. No, I don’t love him. Yes, I hate him still…
I then remembered the conversation I had with Darlynn (who so patiently listened to my shallow kwentos) this afternoon. I realized that I’m still wary of the future and that I’m still afraid of falling for someone again. I can make up all the excuses, just like what I gave her, but in the end, I just want to protect myself.
Patrick asked me this afternoon why my YM’s status message read “YOU’re the right kind of WRONG”? I can’t seem to explain myself. I always considered myself articulate but that moment, I wasn’t able to explain anything. I did manage to conjure a very useless pseudo-meaning of the word, with which he replied that my argument is very weak. I know it’s weak. It was bordering “dumb”. How can I tell him otherwise though?
Maybe, following my weak argument, everything happened because it had to happen. Maybe because I will never know what happiness and true love is unless I’ve been dumped and trampled on. Maybe, just maybe, the possibilities and the probabilities that I’ve thought of as mine will only be given after such a series of events.
Ohhh…I’m tired. Maybe, I should just stop thinking. Maybe I should stop visiting the old pages of my life that hold such bitter memories. Maybe I should just continue with my same old dance and will someone wonderful to take me off to my Neverland.
2 comments:
ayan! nakakapost na rin ako ng comment. pareho tayo! may crush din ako ngayon pero may girlfriend. waaaahhhhh!
pero okay lang, minsan may benefits din ang pagkakaroon ng crush. sa hope mong pansinin ka, magpapaganda ka, tapos hopefully may na-aattract ka ring iba na baka mas okay pa! wahahahahah!
heehee!!! tama ka, pero parang sa maling entry ka nag-comment.
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