Emotionally Unstable

I've been an emotional shithole in the past, but this time around I feel like throwing tantrums day in and day out. Unlike before where I would just clamp my mouth shut and cry in silence, this time I want to vent out every single puff of steam.

I have been wanting to give it to someone. Last night he got all the heat, from me, from his boss and his client. I pity him really. And he was counting on me to understand, but what did I do? I sizzled like crazy and totally blew everything that he's been patiently working on for me. I'm that bad. I really feel crummy today after realizing just how b*tchy I've been last night. Now I don't know what I can do to make it up. Seems like he's doing a great job ignoring every single sorry that I could mutter.

Also, I can't help but see the wrong side in everything. Including my new friends. I feel suffocated with the intricate web they've managed to pull right under my nose. Now I can't steer clear of it. However much I would like to ignore the sullen facts that was recently presented to me, I can't. Now I think I'm gonna change. Big time. I can't make myself like people who are double-faced and who takes advantage of everyone else around them. Even if they're good to me. I don't think I can take it to be friends with "bad" people. That's just not like me at all. I know I'm going in circles, point is, I just can't make myself stay friends with bad people who would use others just to make themselves feel good and important.

Then, there's this other dilemma I can't seem to acknowledge. I'm scared that once I do acknowledge it I won't be able to turn back. And it's something that I'm not ready to face just yet. I'm still hoping and praying that it's not what I think it is since I can't afford to lose someone special right now. And I can't afford to ignore the facts as well...So what can I do now? Pretend it doesn't exist and wish no one would notice? That's what I did yesterday.