Sometimes Truth Is Hard To Swallow

I recently started watching K-Dramas. Yeah, I got into that too. Sounds out of character? Not really, you see, growing up my mind was filled with these love stories. Of how I would meet my soul mate and how he would be my knight in shining armor. The stories in my head AND paper we're always cute and romantic.

Then reality happened. It started out wonderful. All new. Shining. It was the time someone told me I could fill the room with happiness and I did. I went about leaving a trail of imaginary rose scented path. And like reality, it all went sour eventually.

I struggled after that first love. I wished and hope and fell for the wrong ones. I thought I was handling myself well, I thought isolation would keep me from getting hurt. In short, I started to build walls around myself. Ah, was it a mistake? I can't tell. I did what I thought I had to do at that time to survive and keep myself from drowning in lost chances and hope.

Now I watch all these feel good scenes and I am convinced once again, I deserve this feeling of happiness and I am almost certain somehow it will come once again. I WILL fill a room with happiness.

Until then, I watch and I feel both a warmth and a hole in the pit of my stomach. Ahhh, yin ang yang. Both. Together. Mixed feelings.

I guess it means I am right. They're both there so it will happen. Soon.