It's 4:26am on my clock and I've been asleep from 10pm til 2am. Geez. I've had countless people buzz me on YM and I've been browsing endless pages for the past 2 hours just to be buzzed yet again by another long standing friend slash meantime guy, it was honestly a welcomed interaction. We're on chat now and I'm thinking, our non-friendship is based solely on "sheer experience".
We've been friends for a few years now. It started out simple. We're orgmates. He's a year older and his friends/blockmates became my barkada. I even dated one of his closest pals way back then and he was honestly secretly hoping I'd end up with him cos he feels I can straighten his friend out (not that he's not pretty straight hehe). He ended up being my almost pal the moment he started dating my blockmate. I personally tried hard to like him then, he's been known to me the maangas and kupal undergrad at our org back then. And of course, with all the tears my friend shed out for him during the length of their relationship, it became much harder for me to like him.
Then I left school and he became friends with my guy buddies. At one point he was "their man". Y'know, they won't stop talking about him. Everything was "great" and "cool" when you're with him. Talk about testosterone overload. They even decided to put up a home-based business together (2 of my closest guy friend and meantime dude) and rented a 45 sqm condo at Katipunan that they shared with meantime guy's HS Atenista buds during the day. I'd usually crash into their place and sleep on their makeshift bed on the floor while all 3 guys slave over their graphic interior/exterior rendering from various clients here and in the US.
I've spent countless hours on their couch. In their kitchen. On the floor.
One time though, things changed. He finally asked me the question no one wanted to ask, where I've been from or where I'm heading to whenever I come in and out of their place at 2-4am every weekend. That's when I told him about my Sandman. Then one Saturday night I came there almost half asleep. He asked me if I went out with my Sandman. I said I didn't and I was with friends. My other friends started looking at us weird when we started flirting.
He asked me, "What's his cologne? You like his cologne right?"
I answered, "I do. It differs. Sometimes it's 212 and sometimes it's Issey nowadays." He smiled and turned away. Just that. He went out of the room. I thought he was just gonna get something at the kitchen or whatnot. When an hour has passed and he hasn't come back my other friends began asking about him. "Where's he gone to, Hanne?" I said I didn't know.
Then the door opened and in he came. He went straight at me and hugged me. Not the friendly kind of bear hug but that skin to skin type of hug, only with clothes on. With 3 of my other guy friends staring he whispered, "Smell that? You like it?"
Apparently he went home just to steal his kuya's Issey. I found that sweet. My other friends didn't see it the same way and one asked me, "What's up with you and him?" I never answered back. And things were never the same.
We've been flirting all out since then. Under everybody else's noses. It helps we're in the same barkada and no one actually thinks we're anywhere serious and they feel we're just trying hard to outwit each other. The touching and the other things happening under the table were kept under wraps. And we'd laugh it off when someone notices. No one spoke a word about it other than his old pal whom I dated. He'd tease us incessantly but never really told anyone what he really thinks. Not even meantime guy. We've hung around the edges for so long sometimes it feels like we're done with everything else that supposedly follows flirtation. We never crossed the line. Never.
One time, we decided to give it a go. On his way to pick me up he called me. Said he changed his mind. He went off to see another girl instead, had lunch with her (as he claimed) and called me 3 hours later for coffee. We had coffee. And he changed his mind again and asked if I'm still willing. I told him I've changed my mind too. We knew it'll happen without any effort lost in the process. Or it may not.
I asked him if he wants to head to Ilocos with me in this tour group another orgmate has organized (though I already made a decision I won't go) and he told me, "Let's not go together. I might end up doing something I'd regret later." I let him off the hook easily.
Being friends and being TOO comfortable for far too long may finally take a toll on our friendship. Intimacy can be in a lot of forms...and yes, we've been too intimate for years. We're intimate just out of sheer experience.
It's 4.56am and we're still on the foreplay.
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