I told Glenn I had a really good Christmas. Aside from the fact that I slept a lot the entire weekend, I also almost never cried.
It's been like that for years. Me crying over the holidays. I don't honestly know why, what I do know is that I never felt more lonely than on Christmas eve, which, unfortunately happens to be also my birthday. I've learned not to celebrate and I've developed my own special coping mechanism. For years I hid behind my computer, making excuses not to join family gatherings and just being alone so no one would notice that I had cried. This year though it was different. I was not online the entire night, I was able to catch some really needed sleep and I don't feel that lonely.
If last year I made an attempt to forget everything by giving myself a party...this year, I spent it with myself. Not with the computer, not with Dylan or whomever is on YM, not with a bottle of vodka ice. Just me, and a lot of almost unattainable dreams.
Maybe for Christmas Future I'd finally get to smile.
1 comment:
Hi! belated happy birthday BTW. I've been digging your blog lately and I have noticed that most of your post is all about loneliness and frustration, which not a bad thing.
I am strongly recommending the book called "SECRET" it is all about the "law of attraction", meaning, what you think is what you get in life.
You don't have to, but it's really a great book, to me at least.
Just a friendly advice.
Post a Comment