Kait just wrote something about change. Now that got my attention. One thing's for sure, I'm the master of change...that's if such an individual could exist.
I actually felt the extent of how much I've changed the past 24 hours. Kait just told me about Monkey and I got all flared up and I wanted to tell her off for my friend's sake. So I literally ran her over. Take me five years back in time and I would've told Kait to just let it pass. Ugh~ Now that's the sissy me talking.
Then I got really mad at Glenn yesterday. I mean, I know I got a bit fired up than acceptable but heck, who deals with acceptable when they're mad? Not me apparently. I just got so darn frustrated that he can't even reply to my text messages when I've tried my best to keep out of the picture just so the gf won't ask too many questions and all. Heck, he broke up with me because (and this was his first reason) he misses his friends and that I was restricting him. What do you call us now? I'm a friend he denies to his girl in fear that she'd get mad. He had the guts to use his friends as a reason againts me but can't even tell her who I am. I was denied as a gf, and now I'm being denied and hidden as a friend. That, in my book, sucks. And yes, three years ago I won't say anything and continue to be the supportive and understanding friend that I am.
And just a few hours ago I kept on bugging Chico about what was bugging him. He'd been off for two consecutive nights now. Always lost in thoughts, with dark circles under his eyes. I can't even hear him laugh when I used to hate it because he'd got this really loud and hearty laugh that's so papansin. Then all of a sudden he shows up at work all rugged and sad? Usually I'd keep quiet and just keep to myself. It is, after all, not my business. A year ago I won't even ask my boss how he was, now I can't help it but make them spill the beans.
Since when did I become like that? I have no idea.
Change happens because of something. A triggering mechanism that pushes something off and creates a whole new experience and sense of person in and out. I'm different now because I did not choose to be but because they made me. They made me see that I have a voice and the I can't keep mum. They made me realize that I can't be always nice and understanding. They made me understand that I can actually reach out when I want to.
Two years from now who knows what I'll be like...
I actually felt the extent of how much I've changed the past 24 hours. Kait just told me about Monkey and I got all flared up and I wanted to tell her off for my friend's sake. So I literally ran her over. Take me five years back in time and I would've told Kait to just let it pass. Ugh~ Now that's the sissy me talking.
Then I got really mad at Glenn yesterday. I mean, I know I got a bit fired up than acceptable but heck, who deals with acceptable when they're mad? Not me apparently. I just got so darn frustrated that he can't even reply to my text messages when I've tried my best to keep out of the picture just so the gf won't ask too many questions and all. Heck, he broke up with me because (and this was his first reason) he misses his friends and that I was restricting him. What do you call us now? I'm a friend he denies to his girl in fear that she'd get mad. He had the guts to use his friends as a reason againts me but can't even tell her who I am. I was denied as a gf, and now I'm being denied and hidden as a friend. That, in my book, sucks. And yes, three years ago I won't say anything and continue to be the supportive and understanding friend that I am.
And just a few hours ago I kept on bugging Chico about what was bugging him. He'd been off for two consecutive nights now. Always lost in thoughts, with dark circles under his eyes. I can't even hear him laugh when I used to hate it because he'd got this really loud and hearty laugh that's so papansin. Then all of a sudden he shows up at work all rugged and sad? Usually I'd keep quiet and just keep to myself. It is, after all, not my business. A year ago I won't even ask my boss how he was, now I can't help it but make them spill the beans.
Since when did I become like that? I have no idea.
Change happens because of something. A triggering mechanism that pushes something off and creates a whole new experience and sense of person in and out. I'm different now because I did not choose to be but because they made me. They made me see that I have a voice and the I can't keep mum. They made me realize that I can't be always nice and understanding. They made me understand that I can actually reach out when I want to.
Two years from now who knows what I'll be like...
2 comments:
sucks sometimes tho. i don't really like change... or then again, it just might be me and my laziness to adjust. tulog nalang ako! hehehe. but seriously, it just might be my senti side working this time.
could be. i'm trying to live with it though, i don't want to lose my precious energy fighting it.
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