Coming Home

I had a really long day at work. The past three days I've been going home quite later than usual. I'm like a headless chicken running around, only I don't get off of my seat at all but rather my mind keeps on racing left and right trying to catch some sense out of the mess I'm sitting on.

While I was rushing everything this morning, knowing all too well that no amount of stress could ever make me head home on time, I thought about the past year and how I was able to survive countless ordeals similar to the one I'm having now. I realized, having friends around helped a lot back then. Laughter was enough to fan me up and keep me goin like there's no need to rest. And I was able to do just that for months. Then I got tired of it all.

My tired thoughts kept on wondering back to one question...

I was on my way home when I saw this guy. We flirt a lot. I actually thought he might be really interested up until I saw him with shock written all over his face. He was with another girl. A rumored girlfriend. Seems like the rumor was true. After all, if they're not together, maybe he'd be able to at least say hi. Forget the pleasantries though because all he did was gape as I passed them by.

Soon I forgot all about them and I went back to that one question once again...

Then as I was heading towards our front door I saw my cousin. She's about two years older than I am and we practically grew up together. She still lives within a 50 meter radius from my house but we don't talk to each other anymore. I saw her heading up the stairs to their apartment and she was ushering her 2 year old son. Instead of heading in, I stood in front of our door for another minute which I won't normally do and watched

I hate being seen outside my house. I don't talk to neighbors and I generally keep to myself. Not because I don't like the people around me, but because I have nothing in common with them. I saw the old faces. The playmates that I used to have when I was young. They are still living on the same side of the road, my side is where legit homeowners lives and their side is where the shanties are. I am still the one wearing clean clothes, and they're still wearing their drabby hand me downs. I have my handbag with me, filled with things that money can buy, signature wallet, 2 cellphones, make-up, hand sanitizer, imported perfume...and they hold nothing, surrounded by their children of various ages.

And I ask the same question over again...

Without saying a word, I went in, bowed my head and walked as if I see no one. Not my mom, not my dad, not my grandparents. I just walked straight up to the second floor landing with my head bowed low. I took off my stilettos and slid my feet on my three year old diesel slippers. I dragged my feet to my room as always and I placed my bag atop my bed as I do everyday. From there I start taking things out of my bag. K700i phone out of the pockets and on the bedside table. W550i phone out of the phone bag and plunked down beside the K700i. Make-up kit out and tossed atop the top bunk bed that my sister occupies. Flash drive out and is inserted directly to the USB slot of the PC on the other side of the room. PC turned on. I walk towards my wardrobe which is beside the pc and pulls out whatever clothes I want to sleep in today. I walk down with my toiletry basket and I head to the restroom. From step one to step seventy-seven I do everyday. Almost.

And as I stare at myself at the bathroom mirror before I take off my contacts, I ask the same question.

Again.

When will I come home?