The Capricorn Lady In Mourning

I saw this NCG Special a few hours back. Talked about the general movement of species around the globe and it's effect to the entire population and health of the ecosystem. I won't go into the details of the thing but I'd like to point just how much man has tipped the scales and balance of our Gaia. I am one of the believers of the theory of Gaia, the earth will heal itself eventually. And when she does, we might be in for the biggest surprise of our lives. More than 99% of living organisms are now extinct, being part of the last 1% doesn't sound so convincing that we'll last long. I'm not afraid. I don't know if I'm to be sad if humankind become extinct, but one thing I am sure of, we should use what time we have here to live.

The past month has been a rollercoaster of emotions for me. One moment I'm brimming with certainty and unparalleled happiness the next I'm all over the floor picking the pieces of my shattered self. It might sound pathetic, and I'd admit, it is pathetic to a point. Then again, I'm human...I'm emotional...I weep and I laugh and I dream.

Someone asked me how I think I should handle this "pain" I'm going through. I said I'm not sure because the only thing that worked before is to immerse myself in pain, until I can bear no more and then I'd break. I'd break and fall into thousands of different pieces, then the pain subsides. Then it goes away. Slowly but permanently. He told me that sounds horrible. It is. Now, if you can give me a more probable and cost efficient way please don't hesitate to tell me. I need all the help I can get. Until then, I wait for my breaking point.

Certain unforeseen events shook my last day of work, thus I am here again rendering extra hours on a weekend. I so hate this honestly. Then, I'm a responsible person and I'd make sure my tasks are covered and done properly. I might be able to take soemthing out of all this hoolabaloola if you'd ask me. Let's not try to keep our hopes high though, things are always bound to take a weird turn in my almost predictable life. I guess, it's not that predictable after all.

When I started writing a few minutes ago I've thousands of things I wanted to put down in writing. Now I can't even remember half of them, the other half I remember I can't seem to verbalize. Thoughts and ideas really are abstract huh? I wish someone would get interested to read my abstrat head. I wish.