I've been convinced that I would spend tha rest of my life alone. A spinster up til the end of my days. That's why I kept on saying that one day I'll have a kid, regardless of whether I'm married or not. Maybe that was my own sorry excuse for being alone. I dunno.
Up until now, even when I'm seeing someone, even when I know that the stream of men that would come my way would not stop anytime soon, I feel the impending loneliness. And thus I came to one of my most prevalent question, a question that I've whispered a thousand times and a hundred different times an answer was whispered back but still I was unconvinced.
How would you know?
How would you know that the person you are with right now is the right person for you. That you are ready to take the relationship to the next level. How would you know when to continue and when to stop? How would you know that it should end here, with this very person?
I told them that I am so afraid of making the wrong decision when it comes to marriage. I don't want to be trapped in a mistake. But I am so scared of letting the chance pass as well. What if my future has been standing in front of me and I was so blind not to see it? What would happen to me then?
Maybe they're right, maybe I would know. That one single moment of knowing.
And maybe I won't.
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