Letters

Kaitlin,

I’m sorry. I know you’re getting frustrated with me. I know you feel that I’m being downplayed and that I’m being an idiot. Thanks for protecting me. I’m trying. I’m trying hard to get over him as soon as I can. I tried pushing him away even when he was offering his friendship already. I wanted very much to get back with him. Not because I love him, because as you know, I’ve long lost the magical love I first felt for him. But I just can’t seem to lose my other best friend.

I really wanted to keep him as friend, but only after I’m healed. He came much earlier than I anticipated, and that’s why I’m hurting again. If he could’ve waited, I’m sure I’ll be more than ok now. Please understand that it’s not that easy to throw three years away, you should know, you almost lost Raldie as well. Please understand that I know I shouldn’t do or feel a lot things right now, but I really have no control over my own feelings right this very moment.

Thank you so much for all your kind words and support. Please stay. If you can’t seem to reach me, don’t worry, it’s just me hiding inside, trying to heal. I love you, and I’m glad I got to keep at least one of my best friend.


Hanne

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To My Prof na Namumuti na ang Buhok,

I miss you so much. I miss the college so much. I miss the people there so much. I wish I can turn back time. I wish I’m still a freshie back in ’99. I wish I can rewrite my history. But I can’t.

I did what you told me. I wrote everything I was thankful of. It felt good really, knowing that I have so many things to be thankful for. Then again, the knowledge that something good is upon you couldn’t erase the feeling of being alone.

I’ll get over this. Didn’t you tell me back then, when I attended the angel workshop that I know what I want. I have a strong feeling that I really know what I want in my life. As always though, I told you I just don’t know how to attain them. For some reason, I always lose my focus. Like this, I was so focused in getting a new life, in transforming myself into a new and better me, but I lost track again just because the feeling of hate and jealousy overtook me. I don’t want to start over again and again. I want to get where I have my eyes set on.

I just remembered, you told me at the when I first told you about my impending singleness that I’d have to kiss a lot of frogs to find a prince. Does that mean that since I’ve only kissed one that I still have a long way to go? I might not reach my goal after all.

I don’t think I’ve told you before just how blessed I am to have found you. I know our friendship started with “tsismisan” in Room 401 and heavenly ciphering of past lives, but I found a great teacher in you. Not just for History of Architecture (may I add, that they we’re my favorite subjects) but in life and love as well. I am deeply thankful that you made realize just how much attention my personal life needs. That in order for me to help everyone else, I have to love myself first. I’m not saying I’m successful with that particular pursuit already, but I have an idea now of what I should attain.

Thank you for the time you would put aside just to cheer me up whenever I’m under the muck. You don’t know just how much I appreciate every single gesture of love from you and from my other friends. One day maybe, we can talk again, and hopefully then, I’ll be able to tell you my side with a smile. Nahihiya din ako that everytime we talk, I have nothing more to say than how bad things are to me. One day, I promise you, I’ll give you the perfect tale of my lifetime, no more telenovela stories. Please pray for me always. And as always, I wish you and your family all the happiness and health. Thank you again, dear friend.