I used to walk under the rows of acacia trees. I still remember their wide tree trunks lining the sidewalk, branches reaching across the streets and leaves hanging above me.
I remember the time when I was walking under them. I felt so lost back then, unsure of myself and untrusting with everyone else. People would pass by, each with a different expression on their pallid faces. Some would nod at me, others would stare away. There was one who looked me right in the eye as if trying to fathom what my childish mind has to offer. But he failed. Because that same morning before I went out walking, I stared at myself in the mirror and looked as hard as I can, but all I saw was an empty stranger staring back with an expressionless face.
After looking at the passers-by, I decided to be one of those who stare away. I don't want anyone to look me in the eye again, and so I looked away. My passive attention was caught by the passing cars. One car, two, three, red, blue, gray. I lost myself again. I suddenly woke up from my stupor when the sun hastily slapped my face, sending me in blinding heaven. After a second or two, I started to see greens, then yellows, then some blues, and then I knew, I'm no longer under the care and protection of those lovely acacia trees.
I looked back, wishing that I can turn back and walk under them again. But I can't. I need to walk away or else, I'll be forever imprisoned. I may be a stranger to myself, but I realized at that moment that the only time I will learn to know who I really am is when I start walking across unfamiliar paths, when i start feeling the scorching heat of the sun, and when i finally learned to look people in the eye, unafraid that they'll someone I've always longed to see. And so stopped my daily walk under those magnificent trees.
I'll go back one day. Maybe when I have the courage to face that man who looked me straight in the eye. Maybe I can even smile at him next time.
I remember the time when I was walking under them. I felt so lost back then, unsure of myself and untrusting with everyone else. People would pass by, each with a different expression on their pallid faces. Some would nod at me, others would stare away. There was one who looked me right in the eye as if trying to fathom what my childish mind has to offer. But he failed. Because that same morning before I went out walking, I stared at myself in the mirror and looked as hard as I can, but all I saw was an empty stranger staring back with an expressionless face.
After looking at the passers-by, I decided to be one of those who stare away. I don't want anyone to look me in the eye again, and so I looked away. My passive attention was caught by the passing cars. One car, two, three, red, blue, gray. I lost myself again. I suddenly woke up from my stupor when the sun hastily slapped my face, sending me in blinding heaven. After a second or two, I started to see greens, then yellows, then some blues, and then I knew, I'm no longer under the care and protection of those lovely acacia trees.
I looked back, wishing that I can turn back and walk under them again. But I can't. I need to walk away or else, I'll be forever imprisoned. I may be a stranger to myself, but I realized at that moment that the only time I will learn to know who I really am is when I start walking across unfamiliar paths, when i start feeling the scorching heat of the sun, and when i finally learned to look people in the eye, unafraid that they'll someone I've always longed to see. And so stopped my daily walk under those magnificent trees.
I'll go back one day. Maybe when I have the courage to face that man who looked me straight in the eye. Maybe I can even smile at him next time.
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