Negative Remarks

I just don't get people who likes to make negative remarks about everything and anything they see. I know I'm not an exception to the rule but I do try to keep my mouth clamped if I know I might offend someone in the vicinity.

I mean, if you don't like what you're seeing then turn your head away. If you don't like what you're hearing then turn a deaf ear. If you don't like the company, leave. Also, there are a lot of things that you wouldn't even come across with if you didn't go snooping around every crevice and corner you can find. Why look for something na pipintasan mo lang? I just don't get the point of it all.

Then again, they have the right to do such. Ugh! We are hopeless. Mankind is doomed!

So if you don't like what you're reading, close the page and don't you come back.

Weekend Party

Nah, I don't party during weekends. I just don't. Though I was able to accomplish several things this part weekend. Well, for one, I settled something that needs immediate attention. I was abl to stain the wood of my new closet and I was able to clean and organize about 1/3 of my "kalat". Isnt' that exciting?!

Oh, I also acquired a new toy. My advance birthday and Christmas present to myself. Maaga-ang-pasko-para-kay-Hanne was a success. Well, I just have to buy it while it's still on sale right? Or else I might not have any presents by Christmas. So Timmy, I guess I won't be buying your PC. I just can't afford it.

I just received an email from my cousin. I haven't heard from her for years. The last time we talked was when they took a month long vacation here in the country when I was still a sophomore in college. See? That's way too long for cousins not to talk.

Also, the good thing about this weekend was that I was able to catch a few shows worth watching. Was able to see Saturday Night Live, Who's Line Is It Anyway?, several home improvement reruns, several Drew Carrey show reruns, an episode of Knock First and Nip/Tuck that I haven't seen before. So all in all, I had a very eventful weekend.

Planning My Life

I'm not yet ready to plan my life. It's much to disorganized. So maybe I'll just list my short-term plans. Here goes:

1. Get myself a promotion. (***hoping the rumor's true***)
2. Re-decorate my room.
3. Clean up my closet.
4. Go to Baguio with the rest of my opismeyts.
5. Go mountain climbing with my manager. (she invited me ok? I did not invite her.)
6. Meet my friend in Baguio.
7. Get myself a new boyfriend (goodluck with me, BIG TIME!)
8. Buy a Digicam (please, please, please)
9. Shop sometime soon with my girlfriends.
10. Go out with my college friends. (please, sana matuloy.)

I guess that's enough for now. I don't want to swamp myself with too many plans. Hopefully 9 out of 10 would be ok.

Money, money, money!

I keep them as safe as possible. I try not to fold them in my wallet. I make sure every piece is accounted for. And I love to spend them.

The biggest question on my mind though is how to spend them. I work my butt off every night talking like an American debater, having my ear drums blown into million pieces and cleaning other people's mess, so of course I want to make sure that I'll be spending them correctly. My old philosophy, "kung saan ka masaya!" would no longer work.

Think. There's a big difference from spending your allowance to spanding your salary.

Which brings me to a particular topic that I love. Computers. I am a computer illiterate. But I've come to love that small machine that brought so much help into my life as a student. And I've come to appreciate it's value everytime I use it for my personal "enjoyment". That's why I'm in limbo right now, since I've been wanting to buy another pc for my sibs so that I don't need to share my precious friend with them.

Listen.

timmy: bilhin mo n lng pc ko
timmy: mura lang
Hanne: wek!
Hanne: hehehe
Hanne: parang may pera ako.
Hanne: at bakit mo naman binebenta?
timmy: ayaw ko muna magcomputer this review eh
Hanne: e pagkatapos ng review mo? bili ka ng bago?
Hanne: ibenta mo nalang per part...hahaha...sa bidshot or tipidpc.
timmy: bili din ako siguro. sayang kasi kung di magagamit. mahal na mahal ko tong pc na to eh.
Hanne: hehehe
timmy: ayaw ko siya ibenta per part
timmy: naawa ako sa kanya
timmy: hehe
Hanne: magkano mo ba binebenta. baka may mahanap akong matinong buyer
Hanne: sabi ko nga eh. mahal na mahal mo nga siya
timmy: hmm.. di ko pa alam kng magkano eh. kung sayo mura lang. pag sa iba mahal!
Hanne: hahaha
Hanne: magbigay ka nga ng quote eh.
timmy: kung gusto mo installment na lang. gusto ko kasi sa kakilala ko rin mapunta eh. hehe
Hanne: grabe na to ha!
Hanne: ano ba specs...ayan mukhang interested na.
timmy: bigay ko na lang sayo specs ng pc ko
timmy: p4 2.6c
timmy: asus p4v800-x -board
timmy: 512 mb ddr 400 - memory
timmy: inno3d fx 5600 - vidcard
timmy: pioneer dvd rom
timmy: 52x 24x 52x asus cd writer
timmy: 80 gig sata seagate harddrive
timmy: yun lang yata
timmy: 15" lg monitor
Hanne: so magkano? yun ang malaking katanungan. parang nahalata kong 2yrs old na pc ko ah. hehehe
timmy: wakeke. this january lang yan eh
timmy: hmm... sa palagay mo ba magkano pa yan?
Hanne: anukaba?! ibebenta mo na?
Hanne: ayun ang hindi ko pa alam. di na kase ako tumitingin ng prices ng mga pc parts eh. so pc by pc hindi ko mdetermine pa ang price niya
timmy: ah oki
timmy: depende ang price kung ikaw or iba eh. pagisipan ko muna ha
timmy: interested ka ba?

Think!

A Reason, A Season and A Lifetime

I remember a few years back, I got this E-mail forward talking about how people can come and go into our lives. Sometimes they're there for a reason, sometimes for a season and some will stay for a lifetime.

Come to think of it, the first person I gave a copy of that to was someone I thought would be my friend for a lifetime. I guess, I misread some celestial sign and gave meaning to a plainly dressed guy willing to give me a ride.

We thought that we'll have the rest of our life to share with each, and look at us now. I was wrong, he came into my life for a reason. I felt that somehow he was given to me so I can see who my real family is, to show me what a true friend is and how I should deal with independence. He became the reason for everything that has happened to me. I became who I am right now because of him.

Then, I have this other friend whom I met online. We only exchange E-mails, like penpals. I got the best thoughts from him. He inspires me. He became one of my most trusted confidant, even when I know our lives are never really connected. I thought he came for a reason, but behold, he outlasted the person I thought I will spend my lifetime with. For now, he is my season.

I have met friends and foes. Strangers and acquaintances. Social butterflies and friends for life. Some will give me short but meaningful memories. Others solemn but long playing scenes. Words flew out and promises kept, death paid its visit and birth met the well-wishers. I met one person who I'm sure came into my life for a reason. I think I met someone who'll stay for atleast a season. I'm sure most of my friends will be here for a lifetime. How about that special someone who's willing to stay for a lifetime?

I think I have to wait a little bit longer.

Where is there?

So I got confused again. I have hastened my pace just to make sure you won't catch me. I made sure you'll only see my back from the moment you left. Now all of a sudden, you're wiggling your way back into my perfect life? I am not pushing you away. All I'm saying is make up your mind.

Three weeks ago you told me you don't want to see me. Then you turned your back on me.

I told you that I'm still offering my friendship, but I said let's not think about it for now 'cause I need the time. Not now, clearly states not within the same month you left me, I guess.

But you know what? I'm really glad we we're able to talk now. That only helped me forgive myself for ever putting my trust and love in your hands. It made me realized that all of those things were meant to happen, one way or the other. If not with you, I'm sure I've fallen for some other guy who would then have the grand time of breaking me. You had the pleasure, thank you for the experience.

Please don't tell your friends and family we're friends. Because we aren't. At this moment, I can't say you're a friend yet. Why? 'Cause I couldn't bring myself to trust you one single bit. Not yet. Hopefully someday. My offer still stands, but as I've said, please don't accept it yet. Show me first that you are worth the title "friend". If your not interested, then go your way, and I'll continue with mine. And just so that you know, I son't think of you anymore. I can wake up, eat, work, walk and sleep at the end of the day without a single thought of you.

I'm sorry if these words sound a bit harsh to your liking. I know you're reading my blog. You told me so. I just hope you understand that ex lovers can never be friends without any effort. I will still lend you my future digicam, if the time comes I can afford it. I'm still considering you're invitation since I really need the break. And I can still be your chatmate, anytime you need someone to talk to.

A Song For Me

This is a song dedicated to me by my good friend Jane.

Jane, thanks for all the support.

Life Goes on

Leann Rimes

Life goes on, life goes on

Life goes on, life goes on

You sucked me in

And played my mind

Just like a toy

You were crank and wind

Baby I would give till you wore it out

You left me lyin' in a pool of doubt

And you're still thinkin' you're the Daddy Mac

You should've known better but you didn't

And I can't go back

Oh life goes on

And it's only gonna make me strong

It's a fact, once you get on board

Say good-bye cause you can't go back

Oh it's a fight, and I really wanna get it right

Where I'm at, is my life before me

And this feelin' that I can go back

Life goes on [repeat 2X]

Wish I knew then

What I know now

You held all the cards

And sold me out

Baby shame on you, if you fool me once

Shame on me if you fool me twice

It's a fact, once you get on board

Say good-bye cause you can't go back

Oh it's a fight, and I really wanna get it right

Where I'm at, is my life before me

And this feelin' that I can go back

Life goes on

Na, na, na, na, na

Life goes on

Na, Na, Na, Na,

It made me strong

Oh yeah, got this feeling that I can't go back

Life goes on, life goes on, and it's only gonna me strong

Life goes on, life goes on, and on and on

shame on you, if you fool me once

Shame on me if you fool me twice

You've been a pretty hard case to crack

Should've known better but I didn't

And I can't go back

Na, na, na, na, na

Life goes on

Na, Na, Na, Na

It made me strong

Oh yeah

Gotta feelin' that I can't go back

No I can't go back

Oh yeah

I've gotta go now

I'm moving on

No turning back

'Cause you made me strong

[repeat refrain]

What I Like

In this age of self hate and pity, I realized there is so much I like about myself. This is a part of my self empowerment practice, just so that I can remind myself just how special and unique I am. Anyway, you can't do anything to stop me if you don't want to hear about what I have to say about myself since this is my blog after all. Hehe.

I take joy in the simplest of things. It might not be as life changing as you think but a simple hello and a smile can really make my day. I can be delightfully ecstatic just because I was able to eat a slice of that delectable chocolate mousse. Or I can dance with joy just because I saw my crush pass me by. Or I can cry tears of joy with just one note from a dear friend asking how I've been. That's how simple I can get.

I am very generous. I am proud to say that most of my friends would vouch that I am generous with my time, my attention and my resources. I can stay up the whole night as long as you need company. I can lend you half of my savings just to make sure that you'll be able to buy that particular dress you've been eyeing for. Or I can stay beside you and be a good friend when you need me.

I don't get mad easily. I have a very patient patience. It would take me a personal direct offense before I would feel the anger throbbing inside me. Most of the time though, I'm able to control it most of the time before I blow up and then once the steam have settled I'm not mad anymore.

Hmm...I'll think of more.

Re-Do

Lately, my focus have shifted from everybody to simply myself. I suddenly found the courage to stop myself from worrying about things that are not in my control and start worrying about the things that I can change. This is the effect of watching back to back episodes of Starting Over. I am the very essence of self enhancement. I think.

Well, aside from realizing how foolish it is to focus on things that bothers me but I can't deal with anyway, I shifted my focus on things that needs my attention and those things that I can personally work with. I still slip once in a while in the worrying department, but I think I'm doing a good job at it. I can feel the change, the stress leaving my tired body and my mind working more clearly. People can see the change as well. I'm more lively, I can joke about everything, I'm not as serious as I used to and they can see my physical well-being is improving.

By my physical well-being, I mean I'm prettier. No poisonous looks please. This particular compliment came from several girls. Meaning to say, they wouldn't say someone is pretty other than the person is really pretty. Hahaha! So I am pretty.

Someone even went as far as saying that I've never looked better. That's what I call a compliment.

Back to my line of thought about being the epitome of self enhancement.

Not only am I more in control of my life, or can we say, I know which part of my life needs to be controlled and which part I need not fuss about. I also learned to pamper myself.

Pamper for me by the way involves cash and shopping. No need to explain that, right?

Then, I was able to think more of what I want. Not just what other people needs. I have plans for myself. I have solid plans that needs to be put into effect. But nevertheless, plans are good.

And my biggest achievement of all is that I don't feel alone anymore. I feel whole. By myself.

Best Days

There are ordinary days and there are special days. A day when the sun seems to smile a bit higher, when the colors are a wee brighter and when the day is a tad longer.

What makes a day so special anyway? A day is but a day that one should live through.

Well, i particularly remember this song that Les wrote on our block logbook. Another 1999 memory.

Best Days
by Juice

Am I happy - maybe not
But I never wanna lose what I got
I wouldn't trade it for anything dear to my heart, oh no
You take the good times with the bad
How else would you know happy from sad
Sooner or later
You’re gonna have to finally look back
And you'll look back and see
What happened in between
And you'll appreciate
Each and every single day

*The pop of the cork
And the cling of the glasses
We toast to the future
And we drink to the past
It might not be easy
But nevertheless
These are the best days (of our lives)
Sometimes the weather can be rain
But one day it will be sunny again
Without the clouds of life
It's just another sunny day

Repeat*
These are the times
That I will never forget
These are the best days (of our lives)
And you'll look back and see
What happened in between
And you'll appreciate
Each and every single day

Repeat*
It might not be easy
But nevertheless
These are the best days (of our lives.)

My Perpetual Seatmate

After four months on the production floor I was suddenly plucked from the roster of active agents and given a seat as a helpdesk agent. I was amazed, I didn't know I was that good! I was afraid, I don't know if I can handle everything. I was excited, I won't be taking calls from customers anymore.

Together with that, I found myself with two managers! One as an agent, the other as a helpdesk. On my first day as helpdesk, I came in early. And surprises of all surprises, my new manager is missing in action. I was left alone to fend for myself in a new post, with no guidance. I don't know what to do!

I panicked!

Later I found out that our dear helpdesk manager was stung by a poisonous fish the weekend before and that she would not be around for the next few days. My two new friends and I crept silently into the dark as we tried our very best to assist all the agents with their questions. That was hard work.

After eight months, I'm still with her. I'm still seated with her as her sole batch agent. We're the only duo! One manager, one agent. And we're having tons of fun. The time that I was in the dumps, she would always sing "In or Out" or "Walang Sabit" just to make me laugh. She knows I couldn't stand Sandara.

I'm the only agent here who is seated right beside her manager. I'm the only agent who don't have to adhere to her break schedule. I'm the only agent who can chat while working (as long as I can finish all my pending work). I'm the only agent who can sing with her manager. I'm the only agent who can eat blueberry cheesecake while working.

It's nice to have your manager as your perpetual seatmate.

Fridays and Paydays

This is the biggest joke ever in my working-class-individual-that's-why-I'm-always-busy existence. Payday is ALWAYS a Friday. That's great news ain't it? Not really. For someone in my post, that's not a great deal simply beacuse I'm working EVERY Friday.

Right this very moment, agents all over the production floor are signing up for e-out. They can go out and party. I already saw some of them leaving. I'm right smack in the middle of Q.C. and a few meters away from Morato and I can't even leave this slab of a building.

Well, this is my sorry fate, what can I do?

Simple Life

Yeah, I saw that show. Just happened to pass by one of those channels, and there they were, just starting the opening credits. My sister and I watched them shop, party and be droppped in the middle of nowhere. They were so funny. I couldn't stop laughing when the blonde girl asked what Wal-Mart is. "Is that like a place where you shop for walls?" Hee-Haw! That was one of the best afternoons of my TV-reruns-and-commercials-only life.

After the show I remembered telling my sister that I don't think they ever thought how complicated THE simple life could be. I was ready to fall off my chair when they couldn't figure out how to reverse the damn truck and when they got back from the grocer's shop to find out they are being invited to pluck off feathers from their to be chicken dinner.

Then again, I can't blame them. Some of us were born to be who we are right now, others have to work for it. They were born with money. End of the simple story.

But I still want to watch the other episodes!

Nostalgia in the Air?

I have been having this prevailing thought for the past few weeks. A very simple, but impossible answer to all of my questions and the most viable solution to all of my problems.

Sana 1999 nalang uli.

A good friend and I both feel that we wanted to go back to that particular year. Albeit our different reasons, we share the same thoughts. Also, I don't think our reasons are that different. In its simplest meaning, this wish for the unlikely travel is pure and bold, we just want to be go back to a time when we were both happy.

Looking back, that was probably the best year in my life. Ha! I'm that boring, I know. Heck! Who would thought that a bunch of freshmen entering the university life wide-eyed and scared would have such great fun? We did. I never imagined my college life would be THAT fun. Then, just like everything else, we need to move on and change. The year ended, then there's another year after the year.

The bittersweet taste of regret and lost time. The melancholic sound of years past and dead dreams. The teasing sight of what might have beens and should haves.

Ahhh, bittersweet indeed.

Happy Weekend

What a happy weekend. It's nice to get your old life back. That where you are surrounded by friends. A time when you can literally let your hair down, not worrying about the future, not thinking of the past, having a good laugh every few minutes and just living the moment the best way you can.

I still have a few things to say though, about how bad life had been to me, but that particular night, it didn't matter. Yes, my eyes were washed with tears several times, but it ain't as bad as before. I guess, it's nice to cry when you know someone is listening. I really dunno.

I can't wait for the next time. The day I can laugh, I can dream, I can plan more days like that. I can't wait for another night of trickling insanity.