Back Now

I'm back now to blogging. Though honestly, I'm in no mood to write anything, it's just that I want to take this opportunity to write on my last day as midshift RTA. Come next week I'll be in the evening shift, and you know just how hectic that could get. Meaning, no more time to browse and blog. The only thing I'm excited about is that there's a bigger chance now that I'll lose weight again since I'm sure I'd never get to eat anything the entire shift. Back to the old ngaragan days!

Pressure is indeed something I've always liked and loved. However hard things may seem, once the sky is clear and the sea low, I have a tendency to wish for another storm to come by. I want to be in the middle of another mind game that would test me, mentally, physically and emotionally. Lest I wither slowly, waiting in an almost vain attempt to rectify what I think is wrong, that is, me being bored.

I don't know why I suddenly stopped writing. That rarely happens. The last time I felt this way, I stopped writing for 2 years. I was too occupied with the drama of my life then that I felt I can't write anymore. I started to slowly come back when someone suggested that I start a hobby in order the reduce stress. I did and I rediscovered my old forgotten passion.

I don't think I'm good with what I'm doing. At most I think I'm a mediocre writer who's bad with grammar and who hates that thing called spell-check. C'mon, I write what I think, I think what I write, why complicate things. My mind knows no subject verb agreement, my mind cares not about the vowels and rhymes, my mind is free and so is my writing. *laughing* I just realized something, if I write what I think, then you can see, I suppose, just how pathetic I am. Haha! Let me stress though, I don't care!

The past week was almost surreal to me. I swam along the vivid currents of everyday with not a single idea of what I want and where I'm supposed to head to. It's not like me to be caught unaware like that, but for now I made a decision, I'd forget about being the logical analytical me. I can't. If I let my old restrained self out, I'd lose everything, my job, my friend, my special accomplice. Control would, as I feel, wreak enough havoc and inconsistency that I'd bury myself in my own insanity.

Several rumors are circulating like crazy around here. I'm affected, more than I'd want to admit, I must say. My name is one of the few things that I can call my own. I took great care of it. And now it's being slandered left and right. To all that believes in me, thank you for your support. I am not what they paint me to be. I know and I'm sure that I'm worth more than all of them combined, that's how confident I am with what I have and what I've become.

I may feel too confident but there are things though that I'm still wary of. Lemme not give the details of which I think is too much information for such a public place. Heehee~ Hope I'd get enough courage to be myself more. And not think of the norms.