Escaping Year

The year is about to end and here is my long awaited escape.

The year 2004 was not a bad year but a memorable year. I went through a lot of transformations throughout its days. The months spun golden white sheets around me so hurriedly I didn't get to realized that life has decided to change me into something far greater than I am.

I was able to change so much in such a short time. I was able to realize many things that people learn about in years. I went from the reserved and scared wallflower into something of a warrior.

The year started horribly for me. I was sick and I was about to lose my job. I was wallowing in a sea of regret for the decisions I've made the previous year and I was harboring so much fear I was rendered immobile for the first quarter of the year.

The awakening started when I learned that I can really stand out from the rest. I always thought of myself as someone who can deal with anything and everything, but at that moment, I became someone who can deal anything that no one else would dare to go into. I was inspired to become a greater force. I wanted people to see just how good I am in doing my job. I want my family to realize that I can be someone who is respected and admired professionally. I wanted to show my partner then that I am better than he is. That I can get my job done perfectly without having to cover my ass for being so pompous.

Steadily I gained confidence. I felt that I can handle anything and everything better than anyone else. I would like to think I did.

With all the confidence and professional admiration that I got, my emotions were slowly plunging to its long and hopeless death. I felt my foundation shaking constantly. The protective shelter I created around me was about to fall and I have nowhere to go.

And so with that I went home with my head bowed low. Hoping that this time around my family and I can really iron everything out. The moment I set my heart into getting every broken piece together, things became a little better. A lot bearable. I was able to connect with the most important people in my life. Though I still feel that we still have a lot of work to do, a start is still a start especially when it's filled with such great promises.

I also started reconnecting with old friends. The lost bond was recharged with a new sense of trust. These are the people who had stayed with me through everything. Every adult ordeal that I went through they were there to give their most loving pats and their most heartfelt sighs.

New friends that I've kept at arms length came in suddenly the moment I opened my untrusting heart. I was flooded with new hope. An infusion of everything new revived the barren soul that I've become. I am most greatful for their loving way of welcoming me.

A very dear friend also gave me a little inspiration before the year ended. I found that however bad things might seem, even when things don't go as you planned, a small miracle would happen that would make you think that everything is just worth all the worrying and crying you've been through. This little guy gave me reasons to believe that just like his mom, I too shall have someone as precious as he is. I can't wait for my turn.

And just before the end of the year, an unbecoming visitor came my way. I was shocked and surprised with the way things turned into. This is something that I never thought I'd find myself in, in such a short period of time. I'm still wary most of the time, but I realized, I just have to sieze the moment lest it might be lost through eternity and I'll forever harbor the question, "what if?"

I'm still the same old me. A better version. An upgraded model. I am still that same girl you all saw smile, you all heard laugh and at times even cried. Then again, you can't argue that I am changed. A similar different me is welcoming another year. This year, hopefully, is when I'll plan my great escape.