Senses

I'm making a lot of changes. More changes than I wanted to make in my life. But heck, I can't resist change. Who am I to hold it back from engulfing me as well. Ohhh, but I'm so damn scared this time. Who wouldn't be, I guess.

I'ts not everyday that you'll find yourself alone, making all the life altering decisions by yourself, with no counsel that you can turn to. It's not everyday that you'll see the people you've loved and trust turn their backs on you for their own personal reasons. And it's not everyday that you'll find yourself in the middle of a personal war, unprepared and scarred. So I guess, I have the right to be scared, right?

I thought it'll be easy, one way or another, I thought I was prepared for this. That one way or another I would have the small miracles that will guide my steps little by little. How was I to know that everything, all the signs along the road and all the road maps would be carefully concealed making sure that I'll be walking along an unknown path with an unknown destination.

That, in my deepest opinion, is downright unfair. Which brings me to my next question, who am I to call everything that's happening in my life foul? What made me so special and so exclusive that I can't imagine myself being in such a directionless travel?

I have an answer for that as well...I'm not. I'm not special and I'm not supposed to get any type of special treatment. If there are individuals that are lost, directionless, alone and scared, than that too can happen to me.

So I go back to my first entry, who am I to resist the changes happening in my life?

I am the captain of my own ship, wherever the high seas would lead me, I should go. Destiny is waiting. And change is carving my path towards it.

Then again, even with that knowledge, I'm allowed to be scared. And I am.